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The Deliberate Owl
2024-03-05T12:00:00Z
Randy Westlund
Jacqueline Kory-Westlund
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© 2020 The Deliberate Owl
Reviving the traditional, embracing the unconventional, growing a loving life.
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-review-quiet-power-introverts-world-cant-stop-talking-susan-cain/
Book Review: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
2024-03-05T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/875/w800"/><p>Are you an introvert or an extrovert? </p>
<p><i>Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking</i> by Susan Cain (Crown, 2013) is about one of the biggest, most visible differences in personality: what is typically called introversion versus extroversion. Introverts tend to be quieter, more reflective, thinking before speaking, and less comfortable in center stage. They're often happy with their alone time; they need space to recharge after a party. Extroverts, on the other hand, are generally more outgoing and gregarious. Large groups of people energize them instead of drain them.</p>
<p><strong>Why it matters:</strong> In the US, our culture lauds extroverts. If you're gregarious and social, you're ahead of the game in school, in business, in politics—everywhere, really. If you're not—well. Let's just say, introverts frequently find life more challenging, because so much is designed to appeal to their opposites. Cain provides numerous examples arguing this case, and dives in deep to help us understand how our unique personality and temperaments can benefit us.</p>
<p>Cain examines questions such as: Is personality heritable? How much depends on your environment and circumstances? Can you change your personality? (If you can—should you?) What are the benefits of being an introvert, or an extrovert? What are the downsides? Do people from different countries have different personalities, generally? How do introverts and extroverts complement each other, and how can we deal with our opposites?</p>
<h4>Who should read <i>Quiet</i>?</h4>
<p>Read this book if you like learning about how humans work. If you're interested in personality, temperament, psychology, doing things optimally, discovering strengths, or understanding people, you'll probably enjoy this book.</p>
<p>Personally, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that, despite being familiar with introversion versus extroversion, there was still plenty of new and intriguing information in <i>Quiet</i>. I'd read <i>The Introvert Advantage</i> by Marti Olsen Laney in high school, as part of my early forays into the science of human psychology; I'd studied some psychological theories of personality in college and grad school; I was familiar with the problems of being an introvert in an extroverted culture. And there was still new stuff! I especially liked the cross-cultural studies Cain discussed.</p>
<p>Another cool aspect of reading this book, for me, was connecting the research (and researchers) with my own scholarship (e.g., <a href="https://jakory.com/blog//2017/making-new-robot-friends/">this</a>). For example, Cain described an assessment used by a Harvard psychologist, which we had adapted for use with children and robots; she describes work by researchers whose names I recognized because of other work they had done. It's interesting to see how everything connects!</p>
<h4>Diving in: Why is extroversion so popular?</h4>
<p>The book begins with a history of how extroversion became so popular. Why is extroversion currently the gold standard of personality? It wasn't always. And if you doubt that it is now, Cain provides many examples of the Culture of Personality, such as how extroversion helps you get ahead in American business culture, and how talk-out-loud people are rated more intelligent and likable (even though there's plenty of evidence that quiet people are easily as competent and creative).</p>
<p>Cain links the change to the industrial revolution. Before, people sought to have good character, emphasizing how one behaved in private. After, they sought personality, and emphasized engaging public-facing behavior. She writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"In the Culture of Character, the ideal self was serious, disciplined, and honorable. What counted was not so much the impression one made in public as how one behaved in private. The word personality didn't exist in English until the eighteenth century, and the idea of "having a good personality" was not widespread until the twentieth.</p>
<p>… But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them. They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining. "The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer," Susman famously wrote. "Every American was to become a performing self.""
—Susan Cain, <i>Quiet</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p>While reading, I was curious how Cain's insights applied to political campaigns and politicians. That seems, even more than business, to be a personality contest for extroverts… mostly because of the campaigning, since there's plenty of parts of the actual job—especially at more local levels—that introverts could excel at. Do we end up with predominantly extroverted politicians? How does that affect public policy?</p>
<blockquote>
<p>If we assume that quiet and loud people have roughly the same number of good (and bad) ideas, then we should worry if the louder and more forceful people always carry the day. This would mean that an awful lot of bad ideas prevail while good ones get squashed. Yet studies in group dynamics suggest that this is exactly what happens. We perceive talkers as smarter than quiet types—even though grade-point averages and SAT and intelligence scores reveal this perception to be inaccurate.
—Susan Cain, <i>Quiet</i></p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Solitude, practice, and mastery</h4>
<p>Cain shared interesting information about solitude, practice, and pursuing mastery. People often feel "evaluation apprehension," i.e., fear of judgment and decreased performance when they have an audience (probably due to higher stress). Quiet people feel this more than extroverts. As such, they are more likely to seek solitude for practice and study, to their benefit. </p>
<p>Practicing and studying alone is one key to <a href="/blog/why-you-should-pursue-excellence-not-success">success</a>. Cain recounts a study by Anders Ericsson, which found that the best violinists spent double or triple the time practicing in solitude each week, compared to the other violinists. When looking at elite athletes, college students studying, chess grandmasters—whatever the group, studying or practicing along was critical. When people can be in flow, with intense concentration, following intrinsic <a href="/blog/what-is-motivation-two-theories-you-can-use-to-understand-and-manipulate-your-motivation">motivation</a>, they challenge themselves, and <a href="/blog/how-to-level-up-at-anything-using-science-to-approach-mastery">improve</a>.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>In many fields, Ericsson told me, it's only when you're alone that you can engage in Deliberate Practice, which he has identified as the key to exceptional achievement. When you practice deliberately, you identify the tasks or knowledge that are just out of your reach, strive to upgrade your performance, monitor your progress, and revise accordingly. Practice sessions that fall short of this standard are not only less useful—they're counterproductive. They reinforce existing cognitive mechanisms instead of improving them. Deliberate Practice is best conducted alone for several reasons. It takes intense concentration, and other people can be distracting. It requires deep motivation, often self-generated. But most important, it involves working on the task that's most challenging to you personally. Only when you're alone, Ericsson told me, can you "go directly to the part that's challenging to you. If you want to improve what you're doing, you have to be the one who generates the move. Imagine a group class—you're the one generating the move only a small percentage of the time."" —Susan Cain, <i>Quiet</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Working alone can also be a boost to creativity. Although many organizations, companies, and schools are trending toward constant work in teams and open office plans, they may be wrong to do so. For instance, when I was at the MIT Media Lab, there was a strong emphasis on the social catalyst to great ideas—serendipitous encounters and collaboration springing out of casual social interactions. I wonder whether the benefit is more for extroverts than for introverts.</p>
<h4>What are the biological origins of personality?</h4>
<p>The chapter on physiology was one of my favorites, in part because it had some of the newest information for me. Cain discusses the biological origins of personality and human temperament—nature, or nurture? She relays intriguing theories about the genetic basis of temperament (in large part, evidence from twin studies), how much is heritable (estimates are at 40-50%), versus how much is dependent on one's environment and experiences. </p>
<p>Cain describes some of Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan's research. He observed infants as they grew up and found predictors in their early behavior of their personalities later. Kagan classified infants into two broad groups: high-reactive and low-reactive. High-reactive infants flailed and wailed at unfamiliar stimuli: new sounds, voices, toys, smells—whatever the stimulation, high-reactive infants cried and hollered. Kagan theorized that it was because they had Low-reactive infants, on the other hand, were unfazed. Upon follow-up years later, Kagan found that the high-reactive infants were more likely to have become serious, careful introverts, while low-reactive infants had developed more extroverted personalities. </p>
<p>But! It wasn't a clear-cut case. While high- and low-reactivity reflected some inborn temperament, that wasn't the only factor in developing personality. Further research found that reactivity really reflects our sensitivity to novelty. Our temperaments have all kinds of implications and risk factors, which Cain describes in the book.</p>
<p>I appreciated that in Cain's interview with Kagan, she is careful to keep all the nuance that Kagan describes. Because of course—there is nuance! Too often in science reporting the nuance gets lost, but Cain does it justice here. For instance:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>To ask whether it's nature or nurture, says Kagan, is like asking whether a blizzard is caused by temperature or humidity. It's the intricate interaction between the two that makes us who we are.
—Susan Cain, <i>Quiet</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p>I appreciate the way these older psychologists speak, the way they tend to be careful about definitions and words. We need that! Definitions after. I was reminded of one of my dissertation committee members (incidentally, also a Harvard psychologist).</p>
<p>One more interesting note: extroverts tend to be better at decoding social skills during social activities; introverts are generally better when <em>observing</em> social interaction. Participating (second person, I-thou) is very different from observing (third person)! Cain writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Participation places a very different set of demands on the brain than observing does. It requires a kind of mental multitasking: the ability to process a lot of short-term information at once without becoming distracted or overly stressed. This is just the sort of brain functioning that extroverts tend to be well suited for."
—Susan Cain, <i>Quiet</i></p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Cross-cultural differences</h4>
<p>Cain explores cultural differences in temperament. If you map personality traits across the world, you'll find that Europe and America are more extroverted, while Asia is more introverted. Cain suggests that this may be because the West was initially populated by migrants from the other continents: "world travelers were more extroverted than those who stayed home." I would suggest that the differences are not only rooted in who traveled and who didn't. Richard Nisbett, in his book <i>The Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners Think Differently... and Why</i>, argues for a large role of the ecology and geography of the East vs. West. (I read Nisbett's book for a cognitive science class in college and discussed it <a href="https://jakory.com/blog/2011/geography-of-thought/">here</a>.)</p>
<p>Regardless of the roots, these personality and culture differences play out big time in the world today. While extroversion is seen as desirable in Western cultures, in many Asian cultures, the opposite is true. One example Cain gives is class participation in colleges. In the West, we seem to prize talking, regardless of what is said; Asian cultures are more likely to call that "talking nonsense" and prefer studiousness. Being quiet is more likely to be seen as wise in China, while not speaking up will get you overlooked in American business culture. </p>
<p>Asian cultures tend to emphasize group harmony; European cultures tend to be more individualistic. Cain describes the Asian mode, which can appear passive or submissive to Westerners, as "relationship honoring," an aspect of basic politeness. Westerners are more likely to initiate conflict. </p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">Book Review: <i>Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans</i> by Michaeleen Doucleff</a>)</em></p>
<h4>How fixed are personality traits?</h4>
<p>Can you change your personality? Is temperament malleable? And if you <em>can</em> change—should you?</p>
<p>We frequently act differently with different groups and in different situations. We can be all out on stage, and also quiet introverts. The consensus in psychology right now is that the answer lies in the middle: we have traits and patterns, and we are also malleable—to an extent. We can act out of character in service of what Cain calls "core personal projects." </p>
<p>How do you know if something is a core personal project, one you can become a psuedo-extrovert in service of? (In Western culture, it is almost always introverts who try to change. In Asia, you might find the opposite.) Cain gives three tips. First, when you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up—and why? Second, what work do you gravitate towards now? Third, what do you envy? Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can tell you what you desire.</p>
<p><em>(Thinking about changing direction? The book <i>Designing Your Life</i> by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans is one of the best I've found in life plans and career changes. <a href="/blog/designing-your-life-how-to-build-well-lived-joyful-life-by-bill-burnett-dave-evans">Read my review!</a>)</em></p>
<p>Research shows that most introverts can do a good job of faking extroversion, but unconscious body language can, sometimes, give them away. The best fakers are high in the skill "self monitoring", i.e., noticing how to act in a situation based on the social cues of others, and consciously adapting their own behavior to fit. If you're curious about your own skills, Cain includes some questions from researcher Snyder's Self Monitoring Scale that you can use to self evaluate.</p>
<p>If you have to act out of character, find "restorative niches" where you can be your true self. This can be a physical place you go, a time you set aside between other activities, or behavior patterns. Make space for the <em>you</em> that makes you comfortable. Set up compromises. For instance, Cain gives the example of a wife who wanted to go out every Saturday night, while her husband wanted to stay home. They decided to half and half their schedule. Or, say you want to start a company but don't have the connections. Make a plan to attend a set number of networking events each month, and then decline the rest, guilt-free.</p>
<h4>Parenting and personality</h4>
<p>Cain discusses the relation of parenting and schooling to personality. Mainly, the chapter consisted of anecdotes about parents who realized their kids were introverts and started accommodating that to good effect. </p>
<p>Schools, on the other hand, tend <em>not</em> to accommodate introverts—they're often designed for extroverts, with big classes and lots of group work and group projects. This emphasis on group work, and in accompaniment, leadership skills, in grade school reflects business America's similar infatuation with teams and leadership—despite that, by definition, not everyone can (nor wants to) be a leader! Plus, many people in the real world workforce work independently, not constantly in teams.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">How Schools Zap Kids' Motivation and Mental Health</a>)</em></p>
<p>Cain writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>We tend to forget that there's nothing sacrosanct about learning in large group classrooms, and that we organize students this way not because it's the best way to learn, but because it's cost-efficient, and what else would we do with our children while the grown-ups are at work?
—Susan Cain, <i>Quiet</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p>We don't <em>have</em> to organize education that way. Cain provides some suggestions for making classrooms more introvert-friendly, and advice for parents on how to choose a school for an introverted child. Alas, Cain does not suggest homeschooling, charter schools, or any other alternatives to mainstream education, even though these options can work very well for introverts. Like me—read how I went from <a href="/blog/tedx-from-homeschooling-to-college">homeschooling to college</a>.</p>
</div>
Extroversion is the gold standard of personality in the Western world—but why? How can introverts get ahead and use their own strengths? This book explores the impact our temperaments can have on careers, learning, creativity, and more.
2024-03-05T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/tutorial-super-simple-crocheted-water-bottle-carrier-5-steps-great-first-project/
Tutorial: Super Simple Crocheted Water Bottle Holder in 5 Steps (Great First Project!)
2024-02-20T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/841/w800"/><p>One of <a href="/blog/projects-learning-crochet-scarves-water-bottle-carriers-hat-shawls">my first crochet projects</a> was a simple water bottle holder. A classic Waldorf school project, it's useful for carrying a water bottle on short hikes or walks.</p>
<p>This is a great first project. It only uses the most basic crochet stitches: a chain and then a lot of single crochet. (If you want to make something fancier, there are plenty of other free patterns online!)</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-to-consciously-be-a-role-model-in-creativity-curiosty-crafting-for-children">How to Consciously Be A Role Model in Creativity, Curiosity, and Crafting for Children</a>)</em></p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/842/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/842/w400 400w, /images/842/w800 800w, /images/842/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Here's one I made.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/843/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/843/w400 400w, /images/843/w800 800w, /images/843/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>It stretches some when the bottle is full.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/844/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/844/w400 400w, /images/844/w800 800w, /images/844/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Here are several more!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Step 0: Supplies</h4>
<ul>
<li>Yarn. You won't need a whole ball; this is a good project for leftovers! Mine used about half a ball of yarn. It would also be straightforward to switch colors partway through if you want to use up scraps.</li>
<li>A hook that fits the yarn. Hook gauge isn't that important.</li>
<li>Scissors </li>
</ul>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/tutorial-how-to-make-braided-rag-rug-from-old-sheets-or-t-shirts">Tutorial: How To Make a Braided Rag Rug from Old Sheets or T-Shirts</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Step 1: Start chain</h4>
<p>Start your chain with a slipknot around your hook. Chain 4 stitches. Don't make them too tight—you'll need to be able to stick your hook back through them!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/845/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/845/w400 400w, /images/845/w800 800w, /images/845/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Starting…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/846/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/846/w400 400w, /images/846/w800 800w, /images/846/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Here's the chain.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Step 2: Make a disk</h4>
<p>Single crochet in the second chain stitch. Then in the first chain stitch. Then keep going around, into the next stitch.</p>
<p>Don't worry if you can't tell what's a stitch and what's not. It'll get more clear the second or third time around the disk, and it doesn't actually matter in the middle. Remember not to pull your stitches too tight!</p>
<p>Once you've done four or so single crochet stitches, do two single crochet stitches in the next stitch. This is how you increase around the edge of the disk. Do two single crochet stitches in all the stitches around the disk and it'll grow nicely.</p>
<p>The goal here is to spiral around the disk, making it bigger and bigger until it is the size of the base of your water bottle.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/847/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/847/w400 400w, /images/847/w800 800w, /images/847/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Starting the disk.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/848/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/848/w400 400w, /images/848/w800 800w, /images/848/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Around and around…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/849/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/849/w400 400w, /images/849/w800 800w, /images/849/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Around and around…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/850/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/850/w400 400w, /images/850/w800 800w, /images/850/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Around and around…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/851/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/851/w400 400w, /images/851/w800 800w, /images/851/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Around and around…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/852/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/852/w400 400w, /images/852/w800 800w, /images/852/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>That looks big enough.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/853/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/853/w400 400w, /images/853/w800 800w, /images/853/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Yup—fits the water bottle!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/tutorial-how-to-make-a-plush-rag-rug-from-old-socks-in-5-steps">Tutorial: How to Make a Plush Rag Rug from Old Socks!</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Step 3: Make a cylinder </h4>
<p>Your disk is big enough. Now, stop increasing as you go around. Instead of putting two single crochet stitches in each stitch, just do one. As you go around the disk, your stitches won't make the disk wider—instead, it'll start to look like a bowl! You're making a cylinder.</p>
<p>Keep going around and around until the cylinder is tall enough for your water bottle.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/854/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/854/w400 400w, /images/854/w800 800w, /images/854/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>See the sides forming?</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/855/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/855/w400 400w, /images/855/w800 800w, /images/855/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Getting taller.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/856/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/856/w400 400w, /images/856/w800 800w, /images/856/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>And taller.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/857/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/857/w400 400w, /images/857/w800 800w, /images/857/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Tall enough!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Step 4: Add a carrying strap</h4>
<p>When the cylinder is tall enough, crochet a carrying strap. Here, we switch from crocheting around in a circle to crocheting in rows. </p>
<p>Chain one stitch, then turn.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/858/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/858/w400 400w, /images/858/w800 800w, /images/858/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Chain one.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Single crochet through the next 6 stitches. That will give you a handle 6 stitches wide. I did one holder with a strap that was only 4 stitches wide and it feels too skinny, and like it stretches out too much.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/859/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/859/w400 400w, /images/859/w800 800w, /images/859/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Here's the first row of 6.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Chain one, turn, do another row. Lather, rinse, repeat.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/860/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/860/w400 400w, /images/860/w800 800w, /images/860/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>A couple rows in.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/861/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/861/w400 400w, /images/861/w800 800w, /images/861/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Getting longer…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/862/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/862/w400 400w, /images/862/w800 800w, /images/862/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Long enough!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Measure the strap on yourself (or your kid; whoever will be wearing it). It will stretch some with the water bottle in it, so err on the short side. The straps I've made range from 30-36".</p>
<p>When the strap is long enough, attach it on the opposite edge of the cylinder. </p>
<p>Line up the strap so it is across from the other end of the strap. Then, we're going to single crochet across, with each single crochet going through both a stitch on the strap and one on the bottle holder too, connecting them.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/863/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/863/w400 400w, /images/863/w800 800w, /images/863/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Lining up the strap.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/864/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/864/w400 400w, /images/864/w800 800w, /images/864/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Lining up the strap, edge view.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/865/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/865/w400 400w, /images/865/w800 800w, /images/865/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Starting the single crochet.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/866/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/866/w400 400w, /images/866/w800 800w, /images/866/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Doing that first single crochet through both the strap and the holder.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/867/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/867/w400 400w, /images/867/w800 800w, /images/867/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Stich one done!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/868/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/868/w400 400w, /images/868/w800 800w, /images/868/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Let's do another…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/869/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/869/w400 400w, /images/869/w800 800w, /images/869/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Here's the row of six.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/870/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/870/w400 400w, /images/870/w800 800w, /images/870/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Another view of the attachment site.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>There is probably a prettier way to attach it. This is functional, though, and straightforward, requiring no new stitch types.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-i-made-a-linen-wrap-skirt-with-rainbow-embroidered-flowers">How I Made a Linen Wrap Skirt With Rainbow Embroidered Flowers</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Step 5: Tuck in the ends</h4>
<p>Last, tuck the cut ends of the yarn in at the strap end and at the middle bottom. Weave them into the other stitches so there's no dangling bit.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/871/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/871/w400 400w, /images/871/w800 800w, /images/871/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Water bottle carrier, done!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/872/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/872/w400 400w, /images/872/w800 800w, /images/872/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>With a water bottle in it.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/873/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/873/w400 400w, /images/873/w800 800w, /images/873/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>If the strap is too long, tie a knot in it, as I've done with this one.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/874/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/874/w400 400w, /images/874/w800 800w, /images/874/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>No one will go thirsty!</figcaption>
</figure>
</div>
Never go thirsty with this straightforward and functional water bottle carrier! Comes together fast. A good project for beginning crocheters!
2024-02-20T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/projects-learning-crochet-scarves-water-bottle-carriers-hat-shawls/
Projects: Learning to Crochet! Scarves, Water Bottle Carriers, a Hat, and Shawls
2024-02-06T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/798/w800"/><p>A few months ago, I learned to crochet!</p>
<p>I actually learned to crochet once before this, about ten years ago. I made exactly one shawl out of a nice soft yarn, didn't follow up by trying to make anything else, and forgot how it all worked.</p>
<p>This time, I'm <em>actually</em> learning.</p>
<p>One of the moms in my forest school group is a Waldorf mom—her older kids attended a Waldorf school before she moved out here. Waldorf schools are big on handcrafts. All the kids learn to crochet. The forest school group has been incorporating a bunch of Waldorf elements (LINK Read more in my school year plan), so in preparation for eventually teaching our kids to crochet, we decided to learn ourselves. So, after book club one Saturday, we pulled out our hooks and yarn.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-to-consciously-be-a-role-model-in-creativity-curiosty-crafting-for-children">How to Consciously Be A Role Model in Creativity, Curiosity, and Crafting for Children</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Project #1: Simple scarf</h4>
<p>We started with the most basic crochet stitches: a chain, which is essentially finger knitting, followed by row after row of single crochet stitches. I used up some orange acrylic yarn making a simple scarf. It was good practice for making basic even stitches and rows.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/799/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/799/w400 400w, /images/799/w800 800w, /images/799/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3081" height="4436"/>
<figcaption>The scarf.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-i-made-a-linen-wrap-skirt-with-rainbow-embroidered-flowers">How I Made a Linen Wrap Skirt With Rainbow Embroidered Flowers</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Project #2: Water bottle holders</h4>
<p>A classic Waldorf project is the crocheted water bottle holder, useful for carrying a water bottle on short hikes. Some of the moms started with this project instead of a scarf. It also only uses chain stitches and single crochets (but if you want to make something fancier, there are plenty of free patterns online).</p>
<p>You start with a short chain, then go around in a spiral, increasing, to make a disc for the bottom. Once the disc is the size of your water bottle, stop increasing the disc size, and just go around and around up to make a cylinder. When the cylinder is tall enough, crochet a long handle about 6 stitches wide, and attach it on the opposite edge of the cylinder.</p>
<p>Follow <a href="/blog/tutorial-super-simple-crocheted-water-bottle-carrier-5-steps-great-first-project">my tutorial</a> to make your own water bottle holder!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/800/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/800/w400 400w, /images/800/w800 800w, /images/800/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/801/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/801/w400 400w, /images/801/w800 800w, /images/801/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>The first one I made.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/802/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/802/w400 400w, /images/802/w800 800w, /images/802/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Trying out his new water bottle carrier.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/803/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/803/w400 400w, /images/803/w800 800w, /images/803/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Without the bottle, as you can see, it's a straightforward project.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/tutorial-how-to-make-braided-rag-rug-from-old-sheets-or-t-shirts">Tutorial: How To Make a Braided Rag Rug from Old Sheets or T-Shirts</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Project #3: More scarves</h4>
<p>My kids discovered some soft balls of yarn in my yarn bin, and requested scarves. I made several more!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/804/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/804/w400 400w, /images/804/w800 800w, /images/804/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Scarves!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/tutorial-how-to-make-a-plush-rag-rug-from-old-socks-in-5-steps">Tutorial: How to Make a Plush Rag Rug from Old Socks!</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Project #4: Hat</h4>
<p>I made a hat. It's soft yarn, but acrylic, not wool, so it's not the warmest hat. I figured I should use up some of the yarn I already had before getting nicer wool yarn.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/805/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/805/w400 400w, /images/805/w800 800w, /images/805/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Me, wearing the hat.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Project #5: Shawl</h4>
<p>For this project, I learned the double crochet stitch. The whole thing is double crochet stitches. Simple, works up quickly, looks reasonable. My goal was to use up some scrap balls of red acrylic yarn. I started with the darker triangle in the middle, decided it wasn't large enough, and then started using up other shades of red along the edges to make it bigger. I didn't follow a pattern. I'm planning on adding another section or two, because I'd like the shawl to be a bit bigger.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/806/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/806/w400 400w, /images/806/w800 800w, /images/806/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4480" height="2715"/>
<figcaption>The shawl, as it is now—not quite big enough.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/807/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/807/w400 400w, /images/807/w800 800w, /images/807/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Lots of the same stitch!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Project #6: Lacey scarf</h4>
<p>I was gifted some lovely wool yarn! I love wool. What better excuse to learn how to read a crochet pattern? I followed <a href="https://www.anniedesigncrochet.com/one-skein-crochet-scarf-pattern-indigo-scarf/">this pattern</a>.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/808/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/808/w400 400w, /images/808/w800 800w, /images/808/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4131" height="1947"/>
<figcaption>Lacey scarf in progress!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/809/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/809/w400 400w, /images/809/w800 800w, /images/809/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3073" height="2303"/>
<figcaption>Future shawl!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Next up, now that I'm figuring out how to follow a crochet pattern, I'll make a large shawl with these balls of brown wool.</p>
</div>
When your friends decide to learn to crochet at book club, you bring yarn and join in! Here's what I've been making from yarn this winter!
2024-02-06T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-review-when-scientific-secrets-perfect-timing-daniel-h-pink/
Book Review: When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Daniel H. Pink
2024-01-23T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/797/w800"/><blockquote>
<p>[A]ll of these studies suggest that the path to a life of meaning and significance isn't to "live in the present" as so many spiritual gurus have advised. It is to integrate our perspectives on time into a coherent whole, one that helps us comprehend who we are and why we're here.</p>
—Daniel H. Pink, <i>When</i>
</blockquote>
<p>When should you take a break for improved energy? How do you take the ideal nap? When are you most likely to re-evaluate the meaning of your life?</p>
<p><i>When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing</i> by Daniel H. PInk (Riverhead Books, 2018) is, according to the author, not a how-to book, but a <em>when-to</em> book. Pink explains the science of timing, such as circadian rhythms, energy dips and rises, ideal naptimes, when to start activities, how to deal with middles and endings, why synchronous activity in a group improves wellbeing, and more.</p>
<p>While Pink argues for a big important role for timing, I'm less convinced that this is a life-changing book. It didn't feel as consequential as many of the other nonfiction books I've read lately. It's not irrelevant—you can definitely use the information Pink provides to deal with timing better—it's just somewhat less meaningful and less impactful for my daily life than the books on <a href="/blog/book-review-drive-surprising-truth-about-what-motivates-us-by-daniel-h-pink">motivation</a>, <a href="/blog/book-review-changing-our-minds-how-children-take-control-their-own-learning-naomi-fisher">learning</a>, <a href="/blog/book-review-get-it-done-surprising-lessons-from-science-motivation-ayelet-fishbach">goals</a>, <a href="/blog/book-review-power-of-habit-charles-duhigg">habits</a>, and <a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">parenting</a>.</p>
<h4>Who should read <i>When</i>?</h4>
<p>You should read Daniel Pink's book <i>When</i> if you're curious about human psychology and want insight into a few more aspects of human behavior. While not life-changing, it's plenty interesting and worth the time to learn about timing!</p>
<p>Read on for summaries and takeaways.</p>
<h4>Diving in: Daily Rhythms</h4>
<p>The first chapters cover daily rhythms and how to manage your energy during the day.</p>
<p>Most people follow the same general energy and positive emotion pattern over the course of the day. As Pink writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>[A]ll of us experience the day in three stages—a peak, a trough, and a rebound. And about three-quarters of us (larks and third birds) experience it in that order. But about one in four people, those whose genes or age make them night owls, experience the day in something closer to the reverse order—recovery, trough, peak.</p>
—Daniel H. Pink, <i>When</i>
</blockquote>
<p>Pink argues that these chronotypes have some heritability and some biological, genetic basis. There may also be patterns based on the season in which you were born. Part of the dip is related to cortisol levels and vigilance levels. </p>
<p>But I wonder, given other evidence I've read about the connections between daily rhythms, circadian rhythms, sunlight, nutrient deficiencies, and exercise, whether the studies Pink cites have the whole of the story. How many night owls would be larks if they got enough sunlight, for instance? How much of the daily energy pattern is a reflection of industrial time—do the patterns hold in more agrarian, agricultural societies, or in hunter-gatherer societies?</p>
<p>Pink shares plenty of interesting facts about larks versus owls. For instance:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Much of the research shows morning people to be pleasant, productive, folks—"introverted, conscientious, agreeable, persistent, and emotionally stable" women and men who take initiative, suppress ugly impulses, and plan for the future. Morning types also tend to be high in positive affect—that is, many are as happy as larks.</p>
<p>Owls, meanwhile, display some darker tendencies. They're more open and extroverted than larks. But they're also more neurotic—and are often impulsive, sensation-seeking live-for-the-moment hedonists. They're more likely than larks to use nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine—not to mention marijuana, ecstasy and cocaine. They're also more prone to addiction, eating disorders, diabetes, depression, and infidelity. No wonder they don't show their faces during the day. And no wonder bosses consider employees who come in early as dedicated and competent and give late starters lower performance readings. Benjamin Franklin had it right: Early to bed in early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise. Well, not exactly. When scholars have tested Franklin's "gnomic wisdom," they found "no justification for early risers to affect moral superiority." Those nefarious owls actually tend to display greater creativity, show superior working memory, and post higher scores on intelligence tests such as that GMAT. They even have a better sense of humor.</p>
—Daniel H. Pink, <i>When</i>
</blockquote>
<strong>Takeaway on chronotypes:</strong>
<ul><li>Knowing your chronotype can help you plan your day, so that you do more important, cognitively challenging tasks during your peak times.</li></ul>
<h4>Breaks and recess</h4>
<p>The evidence is in: taking regular breaks is good for performance. This is true for adults as well as children in schools. Children's test scores go up if tested after a break (such as recess), but ironically, most schools have only two breaks a day, and these breaks are shrinking in the name of rigor and higher test scores.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">How Schools Zap Kids' Motivation and Mental Health</a>)</em></p>
<p>When I worked with <a href="https://jakory.com/blog//2017/making-new-robot-friends/">educational robots in schools</a> during grad school, a kindergartener (five years old!) told me that she didn't want to go to first grade, because then she'd only get "one outside, not two." As Pink wrote,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>All this supposed toughness is wrongheaded. Breaks and recess are not deviations from learning. They are part of learning.
—Daniel H. Pink, <i>When</i></p>
</blockquote>
<strong>Takeaways on breaks</strong>:
<ul>
<li>Take restorative breaks! They'll increase performance.</li>
<li>Lunch away from your desk is more important than breakfast (for reducing afternoon slumps).</li>
<li>Short, frequent breaks, especially social breaks, away from your desk and outside, with movement, are good for performance.</li>
<li>Short midday siestas (10-20min) can be useful for learning, memory, and performance; longer naps lead to too much groggy sleep inertia.</li>
<li>Ingesting caffeine before a nap can be helpful, since it takes about 25min for the caffeine's effects to kick in.</li>
</ul>
<h4>Dealing with starts, middles, and ends</h4>
<p>Pink shared interesting data on starts, such as how people are more likely to start something new (a new hobby, a new exercise regime, a new diet, etc) after a time landmark—in the New Year, on the first of the month, after their birthday, and so forth. He also found that starting strong made a difference for finishing a project or activity—and even for career progression! People whose careers started during a recession, when it was harder to get or switch jobs, didn't advance as fast or as far, likely because they couldn't as easily find a job that was a great fit or switch jobs when theirs wasn't ideal.</p>
<p>Regarding middles, Pink summarizes:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Midpoints, as we're seeing, can have a dual effect. In some cases, they dissipate our motivation; in other cases, they activate it. Sometimes they elicit an "oh, no" and we retreat; other times, they trigger an "uh-oh" and we advance. Under certain conditions, they bring the slump; under others, they deliver the spark…. The best hope for turning a slump into a spark involves three steps. First, be aware of midpoints. Don't let them remain invisible. Second, use them to wake up rather than roll over—to utter an anxious "uh-oh" rather than a resigned "oh, no." Third, at the midpoint, imagine that you're a little behind—but only by a little. That will spark your motivation and maybe help you win a national championship.
—Daniel H. Pink, <i>When</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Ayelet Fishbach, in her book <i>Get It Done</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-get-it-done-surprising-lessons-from-science-motivation-ayelet-fishbach">read my review!</a>), writes that it can be hard to maintain motivation through the slog of the middle. She recommends breaking up tasks and projects into smaller milestones, so that you're always close to the start or end of something, and less likely to lose steam. Fishbach has lots to say on starts, midpoints, and ends, because she was writing about motivation, goals, and getting work done. Pink references her work. If you want to learn way more, in more depth, about goals and dealing with projects, read her book next!</p>
<p>On endings, Pink discusses how the way events end strongly influence our memory of the events. The end, plus the peak (the most intense moment), shape our memory. So even if an event is long and painful, an event that is short with a painful peak end would be remembered as worse. We don't remember the duration correctly; we remember the end and the peak. He writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>The best endings don't leave us happy. Instead, they produce something richer—a rush of unexpected insight, a fleeting moment of transcendence, the possibility that by discarding what we wanted we've gotten what we need.
—Daniel H. Pink, <i>When</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p>People are more likely to reevaluate their life or start new goals at the end of a decade (29, 39, 49, etc). In these years, you'll find people performing more behaviors associated with searching for meaning or a crisis of meaning. And when people get older or approach any kind of ending—when there's less time left—they switch from an open mode where they're seeking information and relationships, to a mode that preserves and cherishes what they already have. </p>
<p>Pink also describes some fascinating effects of language on our relationship with the future. Languages can be categorizes a <em>strong-future</em> (i.e., it has explicit differences in referring to the present and future) or <em>weak-future</em> (i.e., the language does not mark explicit differences between present and future). People who spoke weak-future languages discounted the future less, treated it as closer to the present, were more likely to save for retirement, less likely to engage in harmful personal behaviors, and more likely to exercise and pursue other healthy behaviors. As Pink writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>[R]esearch has shown we plan more effectively and behave more responsibly when the future feels more closely connected to the current moment and our current selves.
—Daniel H. Pink, <i>When</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p><strong>Takeaways:</strong></p>
<ul>
<li>Starting well is important for finishing. If you make a strong start, you're more likely to stick with it.</li>
<li>Use time landmarks to help you make a fresh start: the start of a week, the start of a month, the day after a holiday or birthday.</li>
<li>Also use time landmarks to reevaluate where you're at: the end of a week, the end of the year, or the end of a decade.</li>
<li>Be aware of midpoints, and imagine you're a little behind to give yourself a motivation boost. Break up projects into smaller milestones so you don't lose steam in the long middle.</li>
<li>The peak and the end of an event strongly influence our memory of the event. Consciously paying attention to the start, middle, and duration may help you form more accurate memories.</li>
<li>If you can reframe how you think about the future to make it feel closer to the present and your present self, you'll plan better and behave more responsibly.</li>
</ul>
<h4>Groups and synchrony</h4>
<p>Pink also dives into the effects of people working in synchrony with one another. Whether in a choir or on a rowing team, there are three important takeaways:</p>
<ol>
<li>The group needs external standards to set the pace—like the coxswain on a rowing team or the conductor of an orchestra or choir.</li>
<li>Everyone in the group needs to feel a sense of belonging; fortunately, acting in synchrony can help increase that sense of belongingness.</li>
<li>Wellbeing is increased by group synchrony: synchronizing with others feels good, and feeling good promotes social cohesion.</li>
</ol>
</div>
Have you wondered how to take the ideal nap? When to take breaks for improved performance? The best way to start a new project? When has the answers.
2024-01-23T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/how-to-harness-patience-expectations-flexibility-relationship-parenting-smoother-less-stressful-life-children/
How to Harness Patience, Expectations, Flexibility, and Relationship in Parenting for a Smoother, Less Stressful Life with Your Children
2024-01-09T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/795/w800"/>
<h4>What Would Jackie Do?</h4>
<p>I was at a park with my kids and our forest school group—five or six other moms, a dozen or so kids. We had all just walked up part of a trail through tall cedar trees, winding along a little burbling creek. The air smelled of greenery and damp soil. A flat wood-plank bridge spanned the creek. It had no railings. It wasn't that high up, though. I said something to my little ones (the two-year-old and four-year-old) about how they'd get wet if they went in the water.</p>
<p><em>(Read more about <a href="/blog/school-age-at-last-my-homeschooling-plan-for-school-year-2023-2024">our homeschooling plan</a> for this year.)</em></p>
<p>Shortly after, I overheard two other moms joking about WWJD t-shirts. What shirts? I asked. One of them said, "Sometimes, I think, what would Jackie do?" The two moms were talking about <em>my</em> parenting—something about how I'd gone over to my kids as they played on the bridge had prompted the conversation.</p>
<p>They recalled a time the previous year when my four-year-old had fallen in the creek. (Same park, same creek.) She was completely drenched. Cold. Surprised. In tears. I mean, who wants to surprise-fall into a creek? I suppose I must have handled it calmly—fishing her out, commenting that she looked wet, wrapping her up in a towel (because if you're going to be at a park with a creek, be prepared, bring towels!), and so on. I suppose, also, that this reaction must have been a surprise to the other moms for the incident to have stuck out in their minds. Would they have freaked out more? </p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/796/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/796/w400 400w, /images/796/w800 800w, /images/796/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2400" height="1600"/>
<figcaption>Playing in the creek.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>They told me they liked my parenting. It was something to emulate! I was always so together! Jackie never has bad days! (To that, I told them, "I do, just not on Fridays,"—since Fridays are our forest school days—and they all laughed.)</p>
<p>Reflecting on that conversation later, I wondered: What was I doing that they liked? What, specifically, could they emulate? How do I present the appearance of always being together? How could they be more together, too?</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="https://deliberateowl.com/blog/how-do-you-do-it-five-ways-to-be-patient-calm-improve-relationship-with-your-children">"How do you do it?" 5 Ways to be Patient, Calm, and Improve Your Relationship with Your Children</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Temperament, reactivity, and patience</h4>
<p>First, recognize that you're starting with yourself. You have a particular temperament and personality. Some people are naturally more, or less, reactive and emotional than others. Some people have oceans of patience. Others, not so much. Wherever you start from, just recognize that some of the suggestions I share here may be harder, or easier, for you depending on your own temperament.</p>
<p>Patience and calmness matter <em>a lot</em>. Waiting things out, not rushing kids, especially their big negative emotions, nearly always works better than talking too much at them or trying to short circuit the event. As Michaeleen Doucleff wrote in <i>Hunt Gather Parent</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">read my review!</a>), try approaching an angry, tantruming child gently, as if offering a soft blanket to a lightning bolt. </p>
<p>This can work for several reasons. First, it gives your child space to emote. You're not trying to stop them from emoting. They get the space they need—the only way out is through, and all that. You're also modeling how to calm down and stay calm. It helps your child know that it's okay to be angry and mad, mom's not mad about it or upset too, she's with you, she's waiting for you to be ready to move on. She's helping you. She's not trying to make you not have your feelings.</p>
<p>Your children take their cues from you. If you freak out, they're going to freak out. If you stay calm, they're more likely to decide that they don't need to make a big deal of whatever is going on. One example is when young children fall over or bump into stuff. They're small, they're still learning about balance and walking, they're going to fall over and bump into things. If you make a huge deal out of it ("Oh no! Are you okay? Let me help you up! Come here, mommy will give you kisses." Etc, etc), they're going to learn that falling over means it's time to cry. But if you're calm and silly about it (a simple "Kaboom!" or "Whoops!"), they're more likely to laugh, get back up, and keep going—no crying, just realizing that falling and bumping is part of life.</p>
<p>The third reason to stay patient and calm: because generally, anything else is unhelpful. I'm looking for the fastest, optimal, most productive path forward. Me getting upset isn't usually on that path. If I can stay aware of that, I can more easily stay in calm mode. Yelling, arguing, nagging, whatever—how often does that actually help? </p>
<p>I'm reminded of other times with the forest school group, when my kids take turns having difficult days, crying and grumping on the picnic blanket with me. Some parents might get annoyed, and leave early. But my other kids were having fun. We're not leaving early just because one child is having a difficult time—plus, staying out in the woods might help them feel better. Again, it's a matter of waiting, staying calm and patient. </p>
<p>One of my stress spots can be getting out the door in the morning when we need to go somewhere. We all feel stressed and rushed: the kids aren't moving at helpful speeds! I've had to remind them twenty times to look for socks! We're going to be late! (I have an aversion to being late.) Yes, with young kids in particular, you'll need to remind them how and when to get ready to go. And sure, some of those reminders are necessary and helpful.</p>
<p>But I have to remind myself, too: How much of the morning stress is my fault? Maybe we needed to start earlier that morning. Maybe we need to set up more of a rhythm and routine, so the kids know what happens on mornings when we go to the park. Maybe they need more practice filling their water bottles and helping pack lunch. Maybe we need better spots for them to keep things (and practice putting things back away) so it doesn't take as long for them to find their stuff in the morning.</p>
<p>The kids don't <em>want</em> to make us late. They're not being slow on purpose. It's just what happens. Which brings me to the next point.</p>
<h4>Assume people are doing the best they can</h4>
<p>As Brené Brown wrote in her book <i>Rising Strong</i>, we bring more compassion to our interactions when we assume the people we are with are trying their best with the tools they have. With our children, we should assume that they're doing the best they can with where they're at emotionally, developmentally, etc. <em>Your kids are trying</em>.</p>
<p>But they are kids. And they want to tell you this long story <em>right now</em> because they haven't learned to wait (the ability to inhibit behavior develops eventually, but it takes time, and practice). Or this toy was <em>there</em> on the floor, so they picked it up and started playing, instead of continuing clean-up. Or they got mad at their sibling <em>again</em> for being in the way when trying to find their shoes, because <em>that's what young kids do</em>.</p>
<p>When I remember that kids are, generally, <em>not</em> trying to frustrate me on purpose but are, instead, <em>just doing what young kids do</em>, it helps me stay calm and patient. (It also helps me see the humor in everything the kids do.)</p>
<p>Remember that kids are at a different stage of life. They are doing the best they can, which can be amazing and beautiful when they help their sibling unprompted, or hug you to make you not grumpy, and stressful and frustrating when you're late and they're not moving at adult speeds. As Kim John Payne wrote in <i>Simplicity Parenting</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-simplicity-parenting-using-extraordinary-power-less-raise-calmer-happier-secure-kids-kim-john-payne-lisa-ross">read my review!</a>), children move through the world at a slower pace. They don't—they can't—move as fast as adults. They aren't adults. They shouldn't be adults. They're kids, being kids the best they can.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/cooperation-without-coercion-how-to-motivate-children">Cooperation without Coercion: How to Motivate Children (5 Things to Try)</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Set realistic expectations</h4>
<p>When we assume people—and our children in particular—are doing the best they can, we shift our expectations about their behavior. We remember what they're capable of and we set realistic expectations. Our kids are still developing and growing! They cannot control their behavior and emotions as much as adults, or even as much as older kids.</p>
<p>Remember: Your children will not be content and happy all the time. (Are you?) Because they are kids, when they are not happy, they will be loud and mad and sad and mopey and whiney and that's all normal. They are learning about appropriate ways to deal with and express emotions. Learning. It's a process. It's a long process. Plus, it is harder to inhibit and control behavior when we are upset, so all the worst stuff comes out then. (Think about how many adults are bad at dealing with and expressing emotions appropriately, even though they are adults. )</p>
<p>Another aspect of having realistic expectations is remembering that children are moving through life at their own pace. They're not moving at adult speeds, as Kim John Payne explained in <i>Simplicity Parenting</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-simplicity-parenting-using-extraordinary-power-less-raise-calmer-happier-secure-kids-kim-john-payne-lisa-ross">read my review!</a>). This means you need to allot more time for anything and everything you're doing with them. You have to slow down to child speed because trying to speed them up causes friction and stress.</p>
<p>For example, if you're going to run an errand by yourself, you can probably be out the door in two minutes, and in and out of the store in ten. With a child tagging along, triple the expected time (and if for some reason it <em>doesn't</em> take that long, be happily surprised).</p>
<p>When you're moving at a child's pace, you won't get as much done as you might want. This is normal. Slow down anyway. Realize that, for instance, with three kids, you will frequently spend half an hour trying to get out the door, rushing around, fixing last-minute problems. Someone can't find socks. Someone's socks are crooked and only Mom can fix it. Someone needs a diaper. Someone forgot to fill up their water bottle. Someone's mad because someone else is existing near them. And so on ad infinitum. (Eventually, we <em>do</em> all make it into the van and buckle in. Just not as quickly or smoothly as I wish we could.)</p>
<p>When your expectation is that things will take longer—that you'll spend half an hour on something that used to take five minutes—then you'll be less stressed about things taking longer. Quite honestly, a <em>lot</em> of how stressed you feel and how calm you are relates to your expectations about the situation—about your children, your life, about what can or should or ought to be happening, versus what actually <em>is</em>.</p>
<p>Slow down. Life is short and the years go by fast, or so they say. Set realistic expectations about what's possible and what your children are capable of.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-do-i-raise-my-kids-revere-life-love-good-reject-bad">How Do I Raise My Kids to Revere Life, Love the Good, and Reject the Bad?</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Be flexible</h4>
<p>One realistic expectation is that things won't always go according to your plans. You are one person with plans; your children are their own people with their own plans—increasingly so, as they get older. Compromises will need to be made on everyone's parts to accommodate everyone. And it's not always your children who should do the compromising.</p>
<p>For example, sure, it's easier for you (theoretically) to drop in for some grocery shopping when you're right by the store after your kid's sports class. But is it easier for your child? Are you sabotaging your own grocery trip by choosing to do it when your kid is tired and done with being out for the day? What's the <a href="/blog/proactive-parenting-preventing-meltdowns-managing-emotions">proactive, preventative approach</a>?</p>
<p>As children get older, they are more able to tolerate unpleasant situations (like hunger, or going to a store they don't want, or being a little tired) without as much whining and crying. At that time, you won't have to adapt to them quite as much. They will be more capable, so you will be able to ask more of them. (Which doesn't mean you always <em>should</em>—you don't like running extra errands when you're tired and hungry, do you?)</p>
<p>Part of flexibility is proactive and preventative (<a href="/blog/proactive-parenting-preventing-meltdowns-managing-emotions">read more</a>). Pay attention early, so you can act before it's too late. For instance, choose the timing for activities based on your children's general energy levels. Do activities and outings when they're rested and fed; plan for downtime when you suspect they'll need it.</p>
<p>Another part of flexibility is going with the flow. If you'd planned on spending two hours at the park but the kids are still having fun and not too tired and want to stay longer, and if there's nothing urgent happening next, can you stay longer? If they want to spend a day on crafts, can you do that? I'm not saying cater to their every whim. But they have moods and interests. If there are activities you definitely want them to do, or you want to do with them, can you be flexible about <em>when</em> you do them? Reading books together doesn't have to be at night if that doesn't work for you. Art doesn't have to be every Wednesday at 11am. We tend to be seasonal with some activities, for example—doing more arts and crafts, and playing more board games in the colder fall and winter; spending more time outside when it's warm.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">How Schools Zap Kids' Motivation and Mental Health</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Go down to your children's level</h4>
<p>How often do you feel mad or frustrated when you ask your kids a question, or ask them to do something, and they ignore you?</p>
<p>Children are people. They have interests; they get busy. Sometimes, they don't hear you when they're engrossed in their own activities and actions. Sometimes, they want to finish up what they're working on before moving on to the next thing. (Don't you? "Let me finish this, then I'll come help." Whether "this" is a page of your book, washing a dish, chatting with another mom.) Can you be patient and allow them time for transitions?</p>
<p>Children don't purposefully ignore you (not until they're older, anyway, and even then, it's a very selective behavior). Instead, when they don't hear you, they're probably in flow, absorbed by what they're doing. They're so into whatever they're building or playing or creating that they don't hear anything else—you, or anyone. They're busy. Haven't you been in that state before? It's an incredibly important state for learning; when you're <a href="/blog/what-is-motivation-two-theories-you-can-use-to-understand-and-manipulate-your-motivation">intrinsically motivated</a> and find yourself in flow, you're learning to focus, to deeply engage, to associate the challenge of the activity with the good feeling of flow. We <em>want</em> kids to be this deep in their activities!</p>
<p>Of course, we also want kids to hear us when we ask them stuff. Instead of repeating yourself again and again and greater and greater volumes, try asking in a different way. Walk over, touch their shoulder to gain attention, talk softly as you give your message or ask your question. It's what you want them to do when they come talk to you, too, right? You'd rather they come over and ask quietly and politely instead of yelling across the room? Model that behavior.</p>
<p><em>(Read my reviews of William Stixrud and Ned Johnson's book <i><a href="/blog/book-review-self-driven-child-science-sense-giving-your-children-more-control-over-their-lives-william-stixrud-ned-johnson">The Self-Driven Child</a></i> and Daniel Pink's book <i><a href="/blog/book-review-drive-surprising-truth-about-what-motivates-us-by-daniel-h-pink">Drive</a></i>)</em></p>
<h4>Prioritize relationship</h4>
<p>All these strategies contribute to prioritizing your relationship with your children. Sometimes sitting with your children while they're storming takes a while. You're not getting fast results. You're pulled out of the rest of your day and you're not accomplishing all the other things you wanted to be doing.</p>
<p>But pause for a moment. You're building something important when you take the time to <em>be</em> with your children—whatever their emotions. You're connecting. You're building their trust. They're learning that you're on their side, that they can follow your lead, that you can guide them on the road to adulthood. </p>
<p>Both Michaeleen Doucleff, in her book <i>Hunt Gather Parent</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">read my review!</a>), and Kim John Payne, in <i>Simplicity Parenting</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-simplicity-parenting-using-extraordinary-power-less-raise-calmer-happier-secure-kids-kim-john-payne-lisa-ross">read my review!</a>), wrote about the importance of parents as authority figures. Children <em>want and need</em> their parents to be in charge. It's a comforting thing when you're small to know that someone's watching out for you and knows how things ought to be. It's a normal part of development.</p><p></p>
<p>There's a lot of parenting books out now that talk about different parenting styles, the key one being <em>authoritarian</em> (too controlling and rigid) versus <em>permissive</em> (too loose and lacking boundaries), but <em>authoritative</em>. Authoritative parenting is the middle ground, so to speak. You set reasonable limits that are in the child's best interest, you create boundaries that enforce your family values, and you help your children follow these rules, even when it makes them mad. Having boundaries helps children feel safe and lets them be independent at their own pace. When you're calm and consistent, when you don't punish unnecessarily (there's also a lot written on the benefits of "natural consequences" versus punishments), when your children can see over time that you're doing your best to look out for them—when you prioritize relationship—that's what works best. </p>
<p>And now, next time your child falls in a creek, now you know: this is what Jackie would do.</p>
</div>
Tantrums, meltdowns, anger, sadness: How do we deal with children's normal emotions? Here are some tips from a mother of three.
2024-01-09T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/proactive-parenting-preventing-meltdowns-managing-emotions/
Proactive Parenting: Preventing Meltdowns, Managing Emotions
2023-12-26T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/794/w800"/><p>One parenting tactic that has worked for me with my children is proactive, preventative measures. What are these? In short, it's heading off conflicts and meltdowns before they occur. It involves paying attention to my children's moods and energy levels so I can intervene before we get to the point of no return.</p>
<p><strong>Why it matters:</strong> Children are still learning how to regulate their moods and emotions. One of our jobs as parents is to help them learn. One tool we can share is how to use proactive, preventative measures to head off problems before they arise, thus helping everyone stay happier, better regulated, and more able to do the things they want to do. That is—anything we can do as parents to help our children learn these skills will help both us (and our stress levels) and them (and <em>their</em> stress levels). </p>
<h4>An example of <em>not</em> being proactive </h4>
<p>A friend of mine shared a struggle she had with her six-year-old daughter. They were at a grocery store. The daughter wanted to be in the cart. The cart was full. Mom told daughter to walk. Conflict ensued. Big, angry conflict, full of feelings and threats, loud voices, heightened emotions. </p>
<p>When you have this kind of conflict, <strong>it's never about the proximal events</strong>. Being in or out of the cart, walking or not, is not the issue at hand. That was just the last straw. The trigger. We all have those—a day full of small annoyances and stressors adds up until BOOM we explode at someone over some little thing that we ought to be able to brush off. And they wonder what our big deal is, and we get angrier about it, and all of a sudden you have a big conflict over "nothing."</p>
<p>You can see this easily when you hear the rest of the context. As it turns out, my friend had taken her kids to the grocery store on a whim, <em>after</em> a sports class, before dinner, late in the day—a busy day, too. It was a spur of the moment thing. It was a hectic store, lots of those after-work before-dinner shoppers. </p>
<p>Aha. These bits of context are clues. How do you think <em>you</em> might feel after a busy day, ending with an intensive workout class, if you were then dragged along to a loud, hectic store when you're tired and hungry? I'd be grumpy. I'd be feeling <em>done</em> with being busy for the day. I'd want to head home. I wouldn't throw a tantrum, but only because I'm an adult, and I'm better at inhibiting that kind of expression of negative emotions.</p>
<p>No wonder my friend's daughter blew up. The situation was setting her up for disaster.</p>
<h4>How to be proactive: Emotion regulation is key</h4>
<p>Many people assume emotion regulation is an internal process. Count to ten, take deep breaths, etc. But regulating your emotions—<em>managing</em> your emotions—isn't only about you and what's in your head. It's also about your environment, the context, the situation, the external stimuli.</p>
<p>You can manipulate the external stuff to manipulate your emotions. You can change the physical location, the amount of stimulation, the kind of stimulation. You can help set yourself—or your child—up for success, or for failure, by paying attention to and changing your environment.</p>
<p>Examples: </p>
<ul>
<li>You're feeling low energy, but need to get a bunch of cleaning done, so you put on energizing music to help up-regulate your mood.</li>
<li>You're tired at a party and overstimulated, so you find a quieter corner to chat with just one or two people—or you leave early.</li>
<li>You're feeling anxious, so you go outside for a walk in the sunshine.</li>
<li>You have a lot of errands to run, so you start early, and make sure to bring a snack to eat between stores.</li>
</ul>
<p>A while back, I wrote about <a href="/blog/why-outdoor-time-is-important-for-kids">the importance of outdoor time</a>, because for my family, the change of environment and stimulation can make a huge difference in our days. </p>
<h4>Helping your children regulate their emotions</h4>
<p>The story above about my friend's daughter illustrates how the context and environment impact emotions. </p>
<p>You can help your children regulate their emotions by manipulating their environment and context, and teaching them to do the same. By paying close attention, you can learn to recognize when your children are getting overstimulated, overtired, or overwhelmed. You can help them make environmental or situational changes so they don't blow up. You can have a sense, in advance, of whether going to a store after sports practice is a good idea—or not—based on your general knowledge of when your child is high or low energy, when they're able to deal with chaos and waiting and crowds, or when they're in need of quiet time.</p>
<p>It isn't easy. Even as adults, it can be difficult to be self-aware enough to know when we need a change of context, whether we need more, or less, stimulation. It's worth it, though.</p>
<p>This idea of selectively choosing activities based on children's energy levels and the kinds of days they're having (high energy, busy days versus quieter, calmer days) comes up in Kim John Payne's book <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, which my book club read recently (<a href="/blog/book-review-simplicity-parenting-using-extraordinary-power-less-raise-calmer-happier-secure-kids-kim-john-payne-lisa-ross">read my review!</a>). Payne writes extensively about ways to simplify your children's lives, take rest and recovery time, and help your children regulate their energy and emotions. </p>
<p>Personally, I'm highly selective about when I take my children to stores, or to other activities, since they're all 7 and under. The main things: if they're tired or hungry or both, it's probably not going to go well. That usually means it can't be too late, since by late afternoon or evening, they've often been busy all day and are tired. But if we've had a quiet day, and everyone is well-fed, then doing something more active later in the day can be just fine.</p>
<p>It's a matter of knowing your kids. Then, you can proactively make your collective days calmer and less stressful.</p>
</div>
Children are still learning to regulate their moods and emotions. If we help them head off problems before they arise, everyone will stay happier and less stressed.
2023-12-26T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-review-simplicity-parenting-using-extraordinary-power-less-raise-calmer-happier-secure-kids-kim-john-payne-lisa-ross/
Book Review: Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne with Lisa M. Ross
2023-12-12T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/793/w800"/>
<blockquote>
<p>"If, as a society, we are embracing speed, it is partially because we are swimming in anxiety. Fed this concern and that worry, we're running as fast as we can to avoid problems and sidestep danger. We address parenting with the same anxious gaze, rushing from this "enrichment opportunity" to that, sensing hidden germs and new hazards, all while doing our level best to provide our children with every advantage now known or soon to be invented. This book is not about hidden dangers, quick fixes, or limited-time opportunities; it is about the long haul. The big picture: a reverence for childhood." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p.xvii</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Do you want to make your home a quieter, calmer, more restful home base? </p>
<p><i>Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids</i> by Kim John Payne (Ballantine Books, 2009) explains how to declutter your house and your life, how to reduce media and simplify schedules, how to create rhythms that support your family values, and how to help children emerge, like butterflies, from their childhood at their own pace. It's a book about making home and childhood a sanctuary; about protecting children from the stress of hectic modern life; about the long-term view of development.</p>
<p>My overall impression was that Payne has a lot of wisdom to offer, though there wasn't <em>that</em> much that I didn't already know or hadn't already read about elsewhere. Good reminders. My book club enjoyed this book; one mom had read it years ago, and was delighted to discover new insights reading it again now. (Scroll down to find discussion questions for your own book club!)</p>
<p><i>Simplicity Parenting</i> will appeal to you if you want to simplify your life. If you're looking to smooth out your days and calm the crazy, you'll find helpful advice in these pages. It'll be especially appealing to parents who like the Waldorf, Charlotte Mason, and other nature-based philosophies. If you've read other parenting books such as <i>Hunt, Gather, Parent</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">read my review!</a>) or homeschooling books such as <i>Teaching From Rest</i> (<a href="/blog/book-review-teaching-from-rest-a-homeschoolers-guide-to-unshakeable-peace-sarah-mackenzie">read my review!</a>), you'll find some similarities here.</p>
<p>As Payne writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Simplifying acknowledges how a child comes to understand the world—through play and interaction, not through adult concerns and information. The pressure is off when childhood is no longer seen as an "enrichment opportunity" but instead as an unfolding experience—an ecology—with its own pace international systems." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p215</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Diving in: Schedules</h4>
<p>Payne talks about schedules—including how little free time many kids actually have. Most children are over-scheduled. They have school all day, often followed by structured activities (such as sports and other extracurriculars), homework, and TV time or other screen time. This over-scheduling can lead to an emphasis on accomplishment and competition over enjoyment and satisfaction; as a result, children may not be able to develop self-direction or internal motivation.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"[A] child who doesn't experience leisure—or better yet, boredom—will always be looking for external stimulation, activity, or entertainment." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p196</p>
</blockquote>
<p>You need pauses among the rhythm of your days, chances to deepen activity with imagination and reflection, pauses for anticipation of the next activity, time for inner development.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/four-reasons-why-boredom-is-better-for-you-than-you-think">Four Reasons Why Boredom is Better For You Than You Think</a>)</em></p>
<blockquote>
<p>"But scarcity—that frustrating, "nothing to do" state—is like a hush in the crowd. Silence. What whisper voice can begin to be heard? The child's inner voice. Stand back. Anything can happen. By reaching for something to do, instead of always being scheduled or entertained, children get creative. They begin building a world of their own making." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p184</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Payne makes good points in this chapter about moments of sabbath, distraction-free zones, setting aside being on-call for a while to be present. I was less in need of the reminders—I know the importance of boredom and free time!—but for many parents, the idea of stepping back from constant lessons, activities, and structured time, and stepping back from their role as children's entertainers, will be novel.</p>
<p><em>(Read my review of <a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Culture Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff</a>)</em></p>
<p>Personally, we limit our scheduled activities. Payne shared a story of a mother who would look at her child's week, and rate each day: more active, or more calming? She tried to balance them out. That's already something we do. </p>
<p>He also talked about sports, and the increasing demands of young children's sports schedules—the professionalization of children's sports. I found it particularly interesting that sports participation peaks around age 11 and declines thereafter, since I didn't start fencing until I turned 12. Payne mentions that many families, when they get involved in sports, give up family dinners, evening and weekends times, because they think the sports are more important. On the flip side, I know a family that eschewed sports entirely to preserve those evenings and weekends.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Rich, fertile soil takes time and balance to develop. The same is true of childhood. In fact, in simplifying your family's schedule, it may be helpful to write a list of things that take time. Things that can't be rushed, things that deepen over time…. Your child's interests, their abilities, their sense of freedom, their sense of humor, and their sense of themselves will be on the list; these take time. The strength of your family's connectedness also takes time and balance. So start with balanced schedules. So the seeds of balanced childhoods. What will develop, over time, are strong and whole, resilient, balanced individuals." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p210 </p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Diving in: Rhythm</h4>
<p>I'd been thinking about rhythm and structure a lot when we read this book for book club, since it was near the <a href="/blog/school-age-at-last-my-homeschooling-plan-for-school-year-2023-2024">start of the school year</a> (not that we follow the school year, but some of our activities do). Payne's thoughts on the importance of rhythm reminded me that I could be more consistent in setting family rhythms than I have been are, for mornings, family dinners, and evenings, in particular. I was reminded of another mom who once shared with me that she always does slow mornings and hot breakfasts with her kids, because she didn't want them to have the rushed feeling of eating a cold eggo on the way out the door to school. Being a homeschooler, she has the flexibility to set that rhythm.</p>
<p>Payne writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"A deep comfort in one another's company is what we look for in family; it's what we want our children to feel. A sense of ease that doesn't depend on a shared interest, activity, or conversation. This reassuring connection is often effortless when they're young. We are, after all, the family architect; we build its structures, we set its emotional climate. As our kids grow toward independence, however, there are more opportunities for hits and misses in our emotional timing and connection with one another." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p143</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Payne says that it's the moments between activities that give us space to connect and relate. Children need the pauses to process their thoughts and feelings. If you don't give them that space, if they're so busy and scheduled, you'll miss the connection. The moments of doing nothing, together, are crucial. Ask yourself: can you and your children exist in the same space, doing nothing in particular, having no planned activities, and find things to talk about or do (side-by-side, or together)?</p>
<p>Downtime also lets children release the pressure of the day—which, incidentally, helps them sleep better. Payne recommends quiet moments, such as naptimes, quiet time, moments of silence before meals, lighting a candle, storytime before bed, or snack time after school.</p>
<p>Here's a few sentences Payne wrote about story time that I loved:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Stories have their own richness and rhythms, a musicality of language that children love. I'm sure you've heard images and phrases from stories come through in their play. Kids learn about the world through stories, and about a world of possibilities that stretches far beyond their bedroom walls. By lending their hearts and emotions to the characters, children carve out their own identities and dig inner wells of compassion and empathy." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p168–169</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Diving in: Environment and technology</h4>
<p>Payne is big on simplifying the child's environment—both in terms of quantity of clutter, and in terms of stimulation. He's all for fewer, open-ended toys, less screentime, and more space to explore and create. Simplifying leads to increases in attention, curiosity. and deep play. The high stimulation of screens, or the myriad options of a towering pile of toys, can lead to passivity, inattentiveness, boredom, and unrealistic expectations for how exciting real life is. Payne writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The degree of creativity and inventiveness possible in any environment relates to the kind of variables in it. In other words, in play children use what they can move and what they can transform with their imagination. … The creativity is not in the things themselves, it is the force with which children move, imagine, and design with them. This flexibility is the difference between fixed toys and open-ended toys." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p85</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Among the moms in my book club, I have a unique challenge when it comes to decluttering toys. They have fewer children, or older children, and once the last one outgrows the toys, they can seriously remove some. In my case, however, when my kids outgrow a toy, they've still got a younger sibling in line for it—and they're ready for the older toys, so I have to have <em>everything </em> available. We've worked out a system—as I mentioned above—where we only have a few out at once. But it's an interesting challenge.</p>
<h4>Diving in: Parent pressure</h4>
<p>Payne talks about the pressure parents often feel to conform. For instance: all the other parents allow devices and screentime! All the other parents signed their young kids up for sports! Etc. and so forth.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Parents feel tremendous of pressure, both cultural and self-induced, to enrich, enhance, and escalate their children's early years. Under the guy's of protecting and providing, we control and cater to our children. If childhood is a "window of opportunity" for growth, we assume that it means it's a "limited-time opportunity." In a competitive vein, where more and faster are always better, our methods and our goal become clear: to "get more in" before the imaginary window closes." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p247-8</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Personally, I've rarely felt the pressure to conform. Whatever my parents did, they did something right! Whether in my parenting decisions or otherwise, I am quite content to order a pot of raspberry tea at the bar while everyone else is downing beers. (Yes, I've done that.) I am fine being anti-mainstream.</p>
<p>As part of not conforming, Payne argues against helicopter parenting. Don't hover; allow your child to develop secure attachment and autonomy.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"When children are not being told what to want and what to imagine, they can learn to follow their own interests, to trust their own emerging voices. They can discover what genuinely speaks to them." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p87</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Diving in: Pace, emotions, and stress</h4>
<p>One of the big takeaways of the book is that children move, and ought to move, at a different—often slower—pace than adults. Don't expect children to move at your pace. They're encountering the world for the first time. They have different interests and concerns than you. As another mother told me once, she feels all her children are their own people already, and her job as mother is getting to know them. It's not so much about shaping them as observing and guiding.</p>
<p>Payne advises parents to reduce the stress their children are exposed to. He writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"What has also become increasingly clear to me is that so much of this stress is what we now call daily life. It is the life that surrounds our children, a daily life that is unfortunately not that distinct from the life we leave as adults: a daily life submerged in the same media-rich, multitasking, complex, information-overloaded, time-pressured waters as our own." —Kim John Payne, <i>Simplicity Parenting</i>, p13</p>
</blockquote>
<p>In addition to downsizing schedules, decluttering toys, and so on, limit children's access to the world of adults. They don't need it yet. Recognize that children pick up on our emotions and mirror them, so be aware of your own emotions, and your own stress. </p>
<p>Payne also acknowledges that development, as a child, isn't always smooth. Children have emotional turmoil, what Payne calls "soul fever." Children can be disrupted and dysregulated, and these developmental periods—these growing pains—can last weeks, or years. The main thing? When you feel your child is caught up in too much, slow down and step back, the way you would when your child has a physical fever. Also, remember that children don't have the same level of emotional control or emotional intelligence as adults. It takes time, usually far more time than parents expect. As Michaeleen Doucleff wrote in <i>Hunt, Gather, Parent</i>, in America, people generally overestimate children's emotional abilities and underestimate their physical abilities. Give children time to develop.</p>
<h4>Diving in: Centering values</h4>
<p>Another theme, from later in the book, was the idea of sticking to your family values. If you know what you as a family stand for, then you can make sure all of your behavior, your guidance, your schedules, your rhythms, and so on are aimed toward that end. What is your vision for your family? What does your family value?</p>
<p>I know a family who keeps their family mission statement up on a wall, where everyone can see it. When they decided, for instance, not to participate in organized sports, they referenced their mission statement and their value of strong family connections. Sports would cut into too much family time in evenings and weekends.</p>
Payne also talks about parenting styles and the role of parents within a family. The key point: Parents aren't their children's siblings or their children's friends. The relationship needs to be more vertical than horizontal. Parents are the authority, though they don't have to be authoritarian; they don't give in simply because a child demands it, if they know what's best for their child; children are looking for their parents to lead them and guide them. <p></p>
<p>The parents I see struggle with vertical vs. horizontal the most are parents of only children. The child wants a playmate; the parent acquiesces. I think finding the right balance may be easier when you have more children. Then it's clearer than the children's friends and playmates—their horizontal relationships—are their siblings, and their other friends, not their parents. </p>
<p>When taking steps to simplify your life, the key is to look at your vision for your family and your family values. What would be a little step you can take in the right direction? Look for what Payne calls "flashpoints—the points at which tempers rise, cooperation, evaporates, and chaos ensues." These are places of tension that are ripe for change.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/iterative-incremental-method-for-improvement">The Iterative, Incremental Method for Improvement</a>)</em>
</p><h4>What did my book club think?</h4>
<p>My book club split our discussion of this book into two separate meetings, because—to no one's surprise—many of the mothers are too busy to manage to read the entire book in one month. (Perhaps after simplifying they'll have more time?) We also figured there would be plenty to discuss even from the first couple chapters (and we were right)</p>
<p>We talked about ways we are simplifying, in the home and outside it. For instance, some are cutting down on the number of toys they have available for their kids. Personally, we have a lot of toys available for rotation. They're in bins. One bin can be out at a time. If the kids want a new bin out, they have to clean up the playroom first. We used to have some toys available all the time; recently, most of those have been moved to the bin rotation, too.</p>
<p>We talked about rhythms and schedules, being over-scheduled, and how to slow down. One mom shared a family ritual: before dinner, they light a candle, have a moment of silence, and say a blessing. It's a reminder to be present together and slow down.</p>
<p>One question that arose was: How do you know if you're doing too much? One mom reminded us of a meme that had been shared, which featured women a century ago getting together to do laundry together. She asked us, "How would those women have time for all the things <em>you</em> do?"</p>
<p>"They wouldn't," another mom offered tentatively. </p>
<p><em>"Exactly.</em>" We aren't supposed to be so busy with out-of-the-house activities. Part of simplifying is about simplifying your schedule and finding a slower pace of life. </p>
<p>In relation to that, we talked about sports. Payne advocates for waiting to start sports until kids are older—middle school ages, not 5 years old. He argues that children often burn out on the sport when they start too young. Usually, that means they're being pushed too hard to develop a talent early, and often, that their intrinsic motivation is squashed or replaced by the external drive to seek approval or fame.</p>
<p>One of the moms in the group has a 7-year-old daughter in taekwondo. She asked us whether she shouldn't, even though it was clearly a good experience for her daughter and not overly competitive. We reminded her that she's not running a typical public-schooling family. Payne's advice is aimed at mainstream parents, who, far more than us unconventional homeschoolers, have busy children. School days with sports on top can easily be far too much, for any age child.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">How Schools Zap Kids' Motivation and Mental Health</a>)</em></p>
<p>The key point here was that we all need time and space to move at our own pace. I know <em>I'm</em> happier when I have days that are just at home, doing home things. My kids, too. One week earlier this fall, we had a couple busy days in a row: at our <a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">Sudbury co-op</a>, apple picking at a local farm. The next morning, my son asked me if we were doing anything that day. Well, I told him, we had the option of going to the farm again for the Sudbury co-op. Or we could stay home! "Oh, <em>good.</em>" was his reply. We all need rest and recovery days, quiet days to balance out the busy. </p>
<p>One of the other moms said that, while reading the book, she kept thinking of me—because I seem good at having that rest time baked into our schedule. And that's because <em>I</em> need it, too! Being over-scheduled is one of the biggest problems everyone has.</p>
<p>Our discussion also included children's tantrums, the kinds of activities or situations that seem to set children off, and what to do about it. The most helpful advice we shared: First, that children are happier, more able to deal with transitions, with fewer big negative emotions, when they have time and space to go at their own pace. (Sounds like a theme of this book…!)</p>
<p>Second, that children are generally doing the best they can with the tools they have, with where they are developmentally. Developmentally, it takes a long time to be able to manage our emotions and to have the self control to not "act out". Reminding ourselves that our children are doing the best they can can help us stay calm when our children aren't calm. One mom shared that she had made a list of things "things that my kid does that are developmentally at his level." The list contained all the frustrating and outraging behaviors her kid went through, as a reminder not to expect her kid to have it all together yet.</p>
<h4><i>Simplicity Parenting</i> book club discussion questions</h4>
<ol>
<li>In chapter 1, p18, Payne writes that you can see so much about what a family holds dear from the pattern of their everyday lives. If someone looked at your life, what would they see about your family and your values?</li>
<li>Payne asks, in chapter 1, p19, How did you imagine your family and children? How did you picture yourselves as parents? How did you imagine your home?</li>
<li>Payne says a lot of parents tell him, "We didn't think it would be like this." How about you? Did you think it would be like this?</li>
<li>Do you feel that your children have too many toys? How do so many toys end up in your house? Do you feel motivated to declutter?</li>
<li>Payne shares the example of a pair of siblings who fought more than they played (p81). He suggests that their reactions were mostly due to a feeling of overwhelm, not because of some innate sibling rivalry. How do your children play together? </li>
<li>In chapter 3, Payne talks about the benefits of open-ended toys. Which toys do your children seem to gravitate towards? Which ones are they playing with when you see them at their deepest, most engaged play?</li>
<li>In chapter 3, Payne gives a list of 10 qualities of toys without staying power. How did you feel upon reading this list? How is your child's room doing? How did your parents do when you were a child?</li>
<li>In chapter 4, Payne relates examples of morning routines.What does your morning look like? Mornings set the tone for the day. How can you make your mornings more calm?</li>
<li>We benefit most when making changes to the pain points. What parts of your day are hardest or most stressful? Why? What suggestions from chapter 4 might help?</li>
<li>In chapter 5, Payne discusses the importance of boredom. How often are you your child's entertainer? When they start complaining in the fair board, how often do you rescue them? How often do you schedule and entertain? Think back to when you were a child. Do you remember being bored? What did you get up to, after you fell bored for a while?</li>
<li>In chapter 5, Payne explains the power of being able to enjoy an ordinary day. Do you feel a pressure to deliver exceptional days? How often are you contend with? Missing out on some great opportunity because it's better for your kids to have a day to play, to explore closer to home, to have a day off from being out?</li>
<li>At the start of chapter 6, Payne asks a mother to pick a word that best described her experience of motherhood. That mother chose "worry." What word would you choose?</li>
<li>In chapter 6, Payne talks about the pressure to conform—to let children have screentime and devices, to fit in with all the other parents, etc. How much pressure do you feel? What can you do about it?</li>
<li>On p248–249, Payne describes a couple types of over-involved parenting styles. Do you see yourself in any of these?</li>
<li>Chapter 6 talks about the level of involvement of mothers versus fathers. What is the balance like in your marriage? Are you the worried or the calm one?</li>
<li>Chapter 7 discusses centering values in your family. What are your family's values? Are all the activities you do aligned with your family values?</li>
</ol>
</div>
Make your home quieter and calmer, with less clutter, less media, and less stress. Home is supposed to be your restful home base. This book shows you how to make it so!
2023-12-12T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/backyard-suburban-gardening-my-year-5-harvest/
Backyard Suburban Gardening: My Year 5 Harvest
2023-11-28T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/753/w800"/><p>We had our first frost at the end of October, so year 5 of gardening is a wrap! The outside work of growing and harvesting is done, anyway—a month later, I still have a few boxes of green tomatoes slowly ripening in my kitchen. I also have a list of yard cleanup tasks to finish before winter.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/754/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/754/w400 400w, /images/754/w800 800w, /images/754/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Read about my gardening journey so far:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="/blog/building-raised-garden-beds-in-our-backyard
">How we built garden beds</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/gardening-year-one-how-i-planned-planted-harvested-200-square-foot-garden-what-I-learned">Year 1</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/gardening-year-two-what-i-improved-how-i-planned-planted-harvested-200-square-foot-garden">Year 2</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-3-spring-planning-planting-pests">Year 3's plan</a>, <a href="/blog/gardening-year-three-what-i-grew-and-what-i-learned-in-my-200-square-foot-backyard-garden">how it went</a>, and <a href="/blog/seasonality-and-natural-rhythms-why-growing-preserving-your-own-food-matters">why and how we preserved food</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-4-spring-planning-planting-improvements">Year 4's plan</a>, and <a href="/blog/how-i-planted-my-suburban-yard-garden-how-it-grow-what-i-learned-gardening-year-4">how it went</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">Year 5's plan</a>
</li></ul>
<h4>Weather</h4>
<p>Our weather felt fairly typical this year! The spring was not unusually long or cold (it was last year); I had plants in the ground by early May. The summer was the usual hot and dry, with fewer heat waves and smoke days than last year. It felt more mild overall. L</p>
<p>We got our first frost in late October, which is fairly typical, too. Compare that to <a href="/blog/gardening-year-one-how-i-planned-planted-harvested-200-square-foot-garden-what-I-learned">Gardening, Year 1</a>, when we were hit with a surprise snow and ice storm the last weekend of September! That taught me to keep a close eye on the weather at the beginning of fall!</p>
<p>The main difference this year was that I had to start harvesting well in advance of that first frost date because of the sheer amount of produce still on the vine or in the ground compared to previous years. The tomatoes alone! Let's talk about tomatoes.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/755/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/755/w400 400w, /images/755/w800 800w, /images/755/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Tomato harvest in progress</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Tomatoes</h4>
<p>Tomatoes, as I've written before, are one of the main reasons I garden. They're just so much tastier from the backyard than from a grocery store! They have the biggest differences in flavor of all the vegetables and herbs I've grown. They are so, so worth the effort!</p>
<p>When I more than doubled our garden size this year, I filled half the new garden beds with tomatoes. And this year's primary finding? When you plant 60+ tomato plants in beds filled with a fresh 50-50 topsoil compost mix, your tomato yield is through the roof!</p>
<p>I have spent the past three months picking, washing, chopping, and canning tomatoes. All told, 14.4 gallons of tomato puree; 5 gallons of salsa; 5 gallons of tomato jam. I also dehydrated a ton of tomatoes, probably not quite literally, but it was a lot. And that's not including all the tomatoes that we snacked on, made into salads, soups, and sauces over the summer, and shared with our family and friends. Tomatoes galore!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/756/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/756/w400 400w, /images/756/w800 800w, /images/756/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Dehydrating…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/757/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/757/w400 400w, /images/757/w800 800w, /images/757/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Jars and jars of dehydrated tomatoes!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/758/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/758/w400 400w, /images/758/w800 800w, /images/758/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Salsa in progress.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/759/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/759/w400 400w, /images/759/w800 800w, /images/759/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Tomato puree, freshly canned.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>This year, I tried to weigh the boxes and baskets of tomatoes that we brought inside. I didn't actually weigh every single tomato that we pulled off the vine, but this gives me a lower estimate of how many pounds of tomatoes the garden yielded this year. The number was: 488 lbs. And that's the <em>low</em> estimate! So you see why I was busy processing tomatoes.</p>
<p>I had a lot of fun with the new heirloom tomato varieties I tried this year! The black strawberry tomatoes were so pretty; we loved the purple! The spoon tomatoes were tiny and fun to snack on, great flavor. The candy cherry tomatoes were a great hit with the kids, so sweet and good for snacking. With uneven watering, though, they split more often than any other tomato in the garden. Next year, I'm putting in drip watering for sure.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/760/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/760/w400 400w, /images/760/w800 800w, /images/760/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3373" height="3242"/>
<figcaption>Some of the tomato harvest at the end of October</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/761/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/761/w400 400w, /images/761/w800 800w, /images/761/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Assorted tomatoes, picked green before the frost, and ripened recently (in late November!) </figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Fun thing: I had saved seeds from my heirloom tomatoes last year for this year's plants. I think I'm getting bigger yellow ones now! I had quite a few weigh in at over a pound, while last year, the largest was a mere 0.78 lbs. I think maybe they are getting bigger! Or maybe the plants were happier and healthier this year in the new beds, and grew better fruit. Next year will be the test. I saved seeds from the yellow monsters again, in hopes of getting more large ones!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/762/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/762/w400 400w, /images/762/w800 800w, /images/762/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>A fat yellow tomato, clocking in at 1.2 lbs.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Cucumbers</h4>
<p>I got enough cucumbers to do two batches of dill pickle relish, plus some for snaking and for making sandwiches. The plants didn't yield nearly as many as I had intended, though—I was planning for far more pickles. Several of my cucumber plants just didn't do well, perhaps because they were shaded by other plants, or in suboptimal locations in the garden. Maybe next year will be a better cucumber year. I say that every year. I always intend to do more pickles, and never have quite enough cucumbers to make as many as I'd like.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/763/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/763/w400 400w, /images/763/w800 800w, /images/763/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4624" height="3472"/>
<figcaption>Pints of relish.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Peppers</h4>
<p>I was happy with our peppers! Nice, sweet, good flavor, classic bell pepper. I think I actually planted enough, given how slowly they grow in my climate. I filled one 4x6 bed with peppers, and had a few extra scattered here and there in other places as well. Once they got big and green, it felt like I had enough to easily use them for salsa, pickle relish, roasting over the fire, adding to salads, and so on without running out. I let plenty sit and turn red, too; they were extra delicious carmelized with onions and tossed on fresh garden pesto pasta.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/764/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/764/w400 400w, /images/764/w800 800w, /images/764/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2474" height="3163"/>
<figcaption>The last of the peppers, in late October.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Herbs and flowers</h4>
<p>Every year I plant more flowers, and every year I think I should plant more flowers than I planted.</p>
<p>This was the first year I planted violets and zinnias, which came in lovely colors! The zinnas, in particular, were an awesome addition, since they worked very well as cut flowers for bouquets that adorned our kitchen table every week.</p>
<p>One of the older garden beds was filled with volunteer snapdragons; those also worked nicely in my bouquets!</p>
<p>For herbs, my perennial sage, chives, oregano, thyme, and various mints have continued to grow happily. I scattered basil throughout the garden around the tomatoes and peppers. There was plenty to make basil tomato sandwiches and salads all summer, plus several batches of pesto!
</p><p>The new yard has a huge amount of lemon mint under the crabapply tree. So much lemon mint. I felt like I harvested a ton of it, dehydrating most for future tea, and there is a ton still there. Mints tend to take over when not planted and containers, and this mint was not planted in a container by the people who owned the house performance. So it may end up being a challenge too. Keep it from taking over the lawn. There's already been to the line. At least the lawn smells nice after you mow it.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/765/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/765/w400 400w, /images/765/w800 800w, /images/765/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>One of the last bouquets, in October just before the frost.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/766/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/766/w400 400w, /images/766/w800 800w, /images/766/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Flowers!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/767/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/767/w400 400w, /images/767/w800 800w, /images/767/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>A basket of lemon mint, ready to dry for tea.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/768/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/768/w400 400w, /images/768/w800 800w, /images/768/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Flowers and herbs mixed among everything else.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/769/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/769/w400 400w, /images/769/w800 800w, /images/769/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>A bouquet from August.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Flower garden out front</h4>
<p>The front yard flower garden continues to be a work-in-progress. The highlight, as I mentioned in my first <a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">garden post</a> this year, was the bulbs. The tulips, daffodils, crocuses, grape hyacinths, and so on were a wonderful addition to our curb! I need to add a few more; there's one stretch that was disturbed due to construction on the sidewalk and I'm not sure whether the bulbs are still intact. I'm also thinking of planting some bulbs in other parts of the yard, too.</p>
<p>But after that, there were times when there were some flowers blooming, but not nearly enough continuously. Especially after bulbs—turns out I had mostly summer flowers, with not as many late spring flowers. I'm thinking of adding more Columbine, which blooms late spring. I can start some in the winter to transplant. I also need more flowers that bloom in late summer. Next year, I should probably also interplant some annuals that bloom continuously all summer, such as calendula and marigolds, to fill in the space. </p>
<p>There's a lot of empty spots still, too, between the other plants and closer in from the fence. I mulched along the whole fence this year. I also added a few new perennial plants this fall that I picked up on sale at a local nursery. The end-of-season sale has been a fantastic way to get $400 worth of plants for a quarter of the price—and reasonably established plants, too! I added a couple more sages, since they've done very well—two with pretty variegated leaves, one Russian sage. I also added a couple pink yarrow (we have lots of white yarrow elsewhere, but no pink!), and some lilies.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/770/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/770/w400 400w, /images/770/w800 800w, /images/770/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Bulbs!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/771/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/771/w400 400w, /images/771/w800 800w, /images/771/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>They smelled nice, too.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/772/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/772/w400 400w, /images/772/w800 800w, /images/772/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Mulched!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/773/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/773/w400 400w, /images/773/w800 800w, /images/773/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Roses!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Potatoes</h4>
<p>We planted a couple potatoes, and harvested just a few more than we planted. They were small. Probably because that garden box was full of ground cover weeds that really took over. The box is falling apart, too (it was a used box when we got it five years ago). If I want to use it again, I'll need to do something serious about the soil to get rid of the bishops weed… though, given its location in the front yard, I'm considering removing it and putting in a bench for sitting on while I admire the flower garden.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/774/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/774/w400 400w, /images/774/w800 800w, /images/774/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Beans and peas</h4>
<p>I planted way more peas than in previous years. We got to the point where the kids would no longer snack on them when they found ripe ones, so I guess we reached pea saturation.</p>
<p>The purple beans were fun. But, disappointingly, they turned green when cooked! I was hoping for a big bowl of purple cooked beans.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/775/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/775/w400 400w, /images/775/w800 800w, /images/775/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Some of the beans and peas happily growing.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/776/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/776/w400 400w, /images/776/w800 800w, /images/776/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Purple beans!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Squash</h4>
<p>The desi squash was fun! It produced a decent amount earlier in the summer, but slowed down in the heat. Then it picked up powdery mildew in September, and although we ended up with another month of good weather, I didn't bother trying to do anything about it.</p>
<p>They're about the size of large baseballs or softballs, skin a little tougher than a zucchini but not as rough as a pumpkin, easy to chop up and use like you would a zucchini. Mild flavor, great grilled. I dehydrated a bunch of them for later use in winter soups and casseroles.</p>
<p>We also got six tasty pie pumpkins, each around 4-5lbs, off a couple plants!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/777/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/777/w400 400w, /images/777/w800 800w, /images/777/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3002" height="2585"/>
<figcaption>Desi squash</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/778/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/778/w400 400w, /images/778/w800 800w, /images/778/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Pumpkins!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Watermelon</h4>
<p>My oldest son (who was 6 when we planted), had one garden bed for his own plants. He planted watermelons and marigolds! He reports that he started 14 seeds, indoors with mine in April. Not all sprouted; he put ten watermelon plants in the ground in May. I helped him determine the plant spacing, and he did the rest. He was responsible for weeding his garden bed. We got 6 or so watermelons, 4-6lbs each, pretty tasty. He was very pleased with the outcome. He saved seeds from one of the melons and has plans to start them for next year's garden.</p>
<p>I also planted a couple kajari melon plants. They're a small, personal-size melon. We got a few, but they didn't do that well; I'm not sure why. </p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/779/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/779/w400 400w, /images/779/w800 800w, /images/779/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Watermelon!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Kale and other greens</h4>
<p>We had lots of kale again! Some volunteer; some that I planted on purpose elsewhere in the garden (including purple kale!). I dried a lot of it this year instead of freezing it. Freezer space is at a premium. Dried, however, the kale crumbles easily and is great for adding to sauces, soups, and breads. It is perhaps even more versatile than having some frozen kale on hand. And it stores longer! And takes up less space in my freezer!</p>
<p>I planted bloody dock, which is a lovely and tasty perennial green—good for salads, and for cooking! We also foraged chickweed and dandelion greens from the yard for salads and smoothies.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/780/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/780/w400 400w, /images/780/w800 800w, /images/780/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>One of many baskets of kale.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/781/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/781/w400 400w, /images/781/w800 800w, /images/781/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Salad greens!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Rhubarb</h4>
<p>We got lots of rhubarb, like usual. I love that plant; it's so prolific! I made a bunch of jam (about 2.5 gallons) and a couple pies.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/782/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/782/w400 400w, /images/782/w800 800w, /images/782/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>A pile of rhubarb stalks.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Corn</h4>
<p>We filled one 4x6 bed with sweet corn and peas. The peas happily climbed the corn stalks. Our corn yield was small, as expected. It wasn't <em>that</em> many plants. Although the cobs were small, too, they were delicious, and my kids were delighted to pick corn from our own garden—which is why we planted it in the first place! Not everything in the garden has to be as high yield as possible. Some of it can just be fun, or a learning experience.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/783/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/783/w400 400w, /images/783/w800 800w, /images/783/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>You can see the corn on the right, with peas climbing it.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/784/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/784/w400 400w, /images/784/w800 800w, /images/784/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Corn!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/785/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/785/w400 400w, /images/785/w800 800w, /images/785/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>It was tasty.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Berries</h4>
<p>Raspberries were plentiful this year! The runners are coming up in my raised beds, though; I had to dig up and transplant a bunch back into the row along the fence.</p>
<p>We got a decent number of liberty blueberries off the front bushes. The back two bushes—the small ones—didn't fruit at all. One of our front bushes died. I replaced it with a little apple tree that a friend gifted us.</p>
<p>I've been trying to learn about pruning plants, so I pruned the blueberries in spring.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/786/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/786/w400 400w, /images/786/w800 800w, /images/786/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Raspberries one July morning.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/787/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/787/w400 400w, /images/787/w800 800w, /images/787/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Blueberries from our front.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Plums</h4>
<p>Last year, we got about 20 lbs of green gage plums from our tree. This year was about the same, an estimated 18-20lbs! We snacked on a bunch and I dehydrated the rest for prunes and fruit leather. It takes a while to smush all the pits out, but the result is tasty. (The plums are small, and when ripe, soft enough that you can smush the pit out with your thumb—no need for a cherry pitter, but that would probably work too.)</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/788/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/788/w400 400w, /images/788/w800 800w, /images/788/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Plum harvesting!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/789/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/789/w400 400w, /images/789/w800 800w, /images/789/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Can you spot the robin in its nest in the plum tree?</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Ground cherries</h4>
<p>This was one of my fun experiment plants. The ground cherries look like a tomatillo, but they're sweeter. Tasty in pies! I don't know if I'd plant them again due to the amount of work in "shelling" the fruit.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/790/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/790/w400 400w, /images/790/w800 800w, /images/790/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Ground cherries for pie!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/791/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/791/w400 400w, /images/791/w800 800w, /images/791/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Ground cherries growing beside some flowers.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>New Garden Skills</h4>
<p>Last year, I'd resolved to learn more about pruning. I pruned the blueberries! We also pruned the plum tree, and given this year's yield, it clearly didn't hurt.</p>
<p>I also got a scythe for mowing (as mentioned last year). I used it some; I'm not an efficient mower yet. And apparently we don't really think about mowing unless we're going to have people over the next day, at which point there are so many <em>other</em> things that I also need to be doing to have company that I let Randy mow with the gas mower… But I trimmed the grass a few times, and even if I'm not an expert, it's such a fun tool! I'll practice and improve.</p>
<p>I don't think I added a <em>specific</em> skill this year, unless managing a larger garden and scaling up my efforts counts! (Sure, why not.) The challenge was to keep up with all the yard and garden stuff, despite how much there was, and how much else we're doing!</p>
<p>One thing I'm trying to learn is how to minimize garden work but maximize garden output. Isn't that the goal of most gardeners? One thing, for instance, is how time weeding drastically reduces once the tomato plants are a couple feet tall—then they shade the ground, and weeds have a tougher time sprouting. After a certain point in the summer, I usually give up on weeding anyway (unless I'm looking for snacks for the chickens), because it feels like it's more effort for less output at that point. Once the plants are established, weeds won't do as much damage, right? I hope.</p>
<p>When we set up the new garden beds, I was hoping to put in a drip watering system so I wouldn't have to rely on the overhead sprinkler attached to the hose that we dragged back and forth to water either end of the garden. Drip watering didn't happen this year. There is just too much to do. I still want to have that, and maybe next year will be the year. We'll see!</p>
<h4>Preparing for next year</h4>
<p>In October, I've cleaned out most of the garden beds—pulled out the old tomato plants, and so on. Most of this garden waste has been bagged and tossed. I don't have a good location for a large compost pile; we have been attempting to keep a compost pile in the chicken run, but it hasn't really made any compost yet.</p>
<p>I also raked aside some of the mulch, added leaves, and put the mulch back. In beds that didn't have a lot of mulch (because they were already filled with snapdragons, e.g.), I just added leaves. Time to build the soil! I'll add compost again in spring.</p>
<p>Besides that… I thought about planting garlic, but got to it too late. I wanted to add more bulbs, but again, didn't get around to it because I was too busy processing tomatoes. We've been talking about potential locations for a small heated greenhouse that I could use for seed starting, but that will probably be a next year project. Pretty soon, it'll be time to think about ordering any more seeds I need, to complement the ones I've saved, and get planting!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/792/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/792/w400 400w, /images/792/w800 800w, /images/792/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3472" height="4624"/>
<figcaption>Some of the last flowers out front.</figcaption>
</figure>
</div>
This year's expanded garden was more work, but the increased yield was worth it! I added to the front flower garden, too. Here's how everything grew and what I want to do differently next year.
2023-11-28T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-update-5-grad-school-life-publication-day-february-27-2024-cover-reveal/
Book Update #5: Grad School Life: Publication Day is March 19, 2024 + Cover Reveal
2023-11-14T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/751/w800"/><p>Get ready, because this update is a big one!</p>
<p>First, I have a BOOK COVER!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/752/w800" alt="book cover for Grad School Life: Surviving and Thriving Beyond Coursework and Research by Jacqueline M. Kory-Westlund. It shows a piles of papers behind the title, with a small potted plant on top of one stack, and the bottom half of the page covered in blue as if underwater" srcset="/images/752/w400 400w, /images/752/w800 800w, /images/752/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2000" height="3040"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>And a PUBLICATION DATE: March 19, 2024!</p>
<p>The book is now <a href="https://cup.columbia.edu/book/grad-school-life/9780231207850">listed online on the Columbia University Press website</a>! Preorders will soon be available there, and with other book retailers! If you order through CUP, you can use the discount code CUP20 at checkout to receive 20% off. </p>
<p><em>(Read the <a href="/blog/book-deal-announcement-phdone">book announcement</a>, about <a href="/blog/phdone-progress-report-1">the writing process</a>, <a href="/blog/phdone-book-update-2-complete-manuscript">finishing the manuscript</a>, <a href="/blog/book-update-3-revisions-complete-entering-production">the revision process</a>, and <a href="/blog/book-update-4-chugging-through-copyediting">production and copyediting</a>).</em></p>
<h4>What is the rest of the book production process like?</h4>
<p>In my <a href="/blog/book-update-4-chugging-through-copyediting">last update</a>, I explained the production process. Since then, the production editor has taken the copyedited pages to format the whole book and create page proofs.</p>
<p>Right now, I'm in the midst of checking the page proofs. It's pretty cool to have a complete PDF of my book in hand! My job is to read through <em>everything</em> as carefully as I can to catch any final typos and factual errors—the little stuff that <em>can</em> be fixed at this stage. </p>
<p>I'm also creating the index. University presses frequently ask authors to create the index (you can hire it out if you want, on your own dime). It's time consuming, but I can squeeze it in more easily than I can spare the cost of a professional indexer. I'm doing the first pass while proofreading—picking keywords, adding some page numbers. Then I'll do a second pass to catch any mentions of words that I missed the first time through.</p>
<p>My proof corrections and index draft are due Dec 1. Then, there's the next round of proofs for the index and front matter. We should have a bound book sometime in January, with the publication—as mentioned—march 19!</p>
<h4>What else is left?</h4>
<p>Marketing and book promotion. I filled out CUP's marketing questionnaire a few months ago, so I presume at some point I'll hear from their marketing people. But, without waiting for them, I have some social media work to do—posts to plan and queue up. I have updates to my personal/author website to finish, and blog posts to write. And, of course, book promotion doesn't end at publication!</p>
<p>It's so cool to have the final product in sight.</p>
</div>
Exciting news: I have a book cover and pub date! Plus, details on the rest of the book production process, receiving page proofs, and figuring out book promotion.
2023-11-14T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/winterizing-bees-year-one/
Winterizing the Bees, Year 1
2023-10-31T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/748/w800"/><p>This has been our <a href="/blog/why-we-started-beekeeping-how-its-going">first year of beekeeping</a>.</p>
<p>We neglected the bees a bit in late summer and early fall. Between Randy's <a href="/blog/why-im-running-for-city-council">city council campaign</a>, the <a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">garden</a>, and all our other activities and projects, we accidentally went a month between hive inspections in September and October. Oops. Our original aim was to inspect the hives every week or two—though all summer, we rarely managed to inspect them that often.</p>
<p>The consequences of missing inspections? Mites, for one.</p>
<h4>Treating for varroa mites</h4>
<p>Varroa mites are a parasite that lives and feeds on honeybees. Originally from Asia, they're now found pretty much everywhere honeybees are found. Finding them in your hives is inevitable—there's no mite prevention; the key is mite management.</p>
<p>We had tested one of the hives for mites in early September, and found a light load. When we checked in October, two hives both had very heavy loads of mites. We didn't bother checking the other two, because they're all right next to each other, and if one has a lot of mites, the others probably do too. So it was early October when we started treating for mites. Often, beekeepers will start earlier—as soon as they're done harvesting honey—because if your hives have a lot of mites, you may need to treat more than once.</p>
<p>We had read about a lot of different methods of treating for mites. We picked one—formic pro—based on the criteria that it was reasonably safe to do with honey supers on (since we still had some supers that the bees were cleaning out after <a href="/blog/how-we-managed-our-first-honey-harvest">our honey harvest</a>), it was a natural product, and it kills both adult mites and incubating mites in the capped baby bee cells. </p>
<p>And wow, to quote Randy, that formic acid "is nasty stuff." While it seemed effective at killing things, we probably won't use it again. There are plenty of other methods to try out instead, each with its pros and cons. Some of our friends have used oxalic acid with a vaporizer, or apivar strips; many beekeepers will switch between methods every year (or even use more than one method in the same year) so that the mites don't develop a resistance.
</p>
<h4>Winterizing</h4>
<p>We talked to the local beekeeper who helped us get started about how to winterize the hives. He said he usually doesn't do that much. Some beekeepers in the north insulate their hives or add tarps to keep the wind off, but he just adds a mouse guard (because if mice manage to nest in the hive, they will happily feast on both honey and bees) and maybe adds some sugar cakes for extra winter food. </p>
<p>So, we'll do the same. A beekeeping friend of ours gave us a large bucket of bee pollen, so if we decide we need to supplement the bees' honey stores in the winter or early spring, we can make some sugar-pollen cakes for them. Other than that, winter beekeeping is easy—we wait. The bees hang out in a big bee ball in the hive, doing their best to keep the queen warm and alive. And in the spring, we see if they survived.</p>
</div>
Northern winters are cold—so what do the bees do? Here's how we prepared our hives for the snowy months.
2023-10-31T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/three-years-blogging-why-write-blog-how-do-you-balance-blogging-with-life/
3 Years Blogging: Why Write a Blog? How Do You Balance Blogging with Life?
2023-10-17T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/747/w800"/><p>The Deliberate Owl has been going for three years now! </p>
<p><em>(Here's what I learned in <a href="/blog/ten-things-we-learned-from-one-year-writing-our-blog">year 1</a> and lessons from <a href="/blog/what-you-gain-from-two-years-writing-weekly-blog-key-lessons">year 2</a>!)</em></p>
<p>Time flies like an owl.</p>
<h4>What is the goal of blogging? Why blog?</h4>
<p>When I first floated the idea to my husband Randy of us writing a joint blog about our life, lifestyle, and values, I remember him asking me, but why? What's the purpose of a blog like this? Who would read it? Why bother writing it? He wasn't trying to be a downer; he was asking realistic questions that we needed to think through before starting a blog. As we paced through the neighborhood, chatting as we pushed the double stroller full of napping children, we came up with a few answers… which you can <a href="/blog/blog-about-education-lifestyles-community">read here</a>.</p>
<p>This year, I'm realizing that part of the purpose, part of why I write, is for me. Which I knew, but this year, it's extra clear. Sure, it's nice to know that there are other people out there who think whatever I write happens to be interesting! (Thank you for reading!) But it's better to have <a href="/blog/what-is-motivation-two-theories-you-can-use-to-understand-and-manipulate-your-motivation">intrinsic motivation</a>: blogging to learn about different topics, blogging to practice writing, blogging to flesh out thoughts and ideas.</p>
<p>Blog writing is a way of putting thoughts into words, and by the process or through the process, making the thoughts concrete enough to be shared. It's a place for the first stab at ideas. Blog posts are practice writing something toward a finished stage and sharing them regardless of their polish (and generally, they are not as polished as writing that goes into a book or an article). It's the practice of avoiding perfectionism, and letting ideas go out into the world for feedback and revision. Ideas need to breathe, too. The blog is, in part, a place to try out ideas, see which resonate, and which need revision after further reflection. </p>
<p>Whether I'm writing about books I've read, ideas Randy and I are discussing, life or kids or how we live life or what's growing in my garden, blogging is, in part, a way of ensuring I do take time to reflect. Reflection is <a href="/blog/the-necessity-of-solitude-and-reflection-in-learning-study-abroad">part of the learning cycle</a>.</p>
<h4>Balancing blogging with life</h4>
<p>This year, I learned that when we have a lot of other things going on in life—Randy <a href="/blog/why-im-running-for-city-council">running for city council</a> (and thus scaling back the writing he was doing on the Owl), <a href="/blog/book-update-4-chugging-through-copyediting">revising my book</a>, <a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">gardening</a>, working on many other projects—it can be difficult to produce a blog post every week.</p>
<p>Faced with the rest of life, some people may have decided to quit blogging. I scaled back instead. Last month, I officially <a href="/blog/switching-blog-schedule-biweekly">switched the blog to biweekly</a>. One post from me, every other week. This way, I <em>do</em> have time for my other writing projects—many of which are longer form, and require a longer burst of sustained effort to get anywhere. </p>
<p>I couldn't scale back too much, because all the reasons I blog are still worth it—all the learning, processing, and reflecting that comes with writing blog posts. I still enjoy writing; I still have thoughts to share and explore; I still want to write shorter pieces. But I also want to switch my primary focus to these other projects (which I will share more about in the future, I'm sure). This scaling back on the Owl is what I'm trying to see if I can get the balance right. (If it's not right, I'll shift it again—<a href="/blog/iterative-incremental-method-for-improvement">iterative improvement!</a>)</p>
<h4>Further Reading: A few of our most popular posts</h4>
<p>Here are some of our posts that were most popular this year:</p>
<ol>
<li><a href="/blog/tutorial-how-to-make-braided-rag-rug-from-old-sheets-or-t-shirts">Tutorial: How To Make a Braided Rag Rug from Old Sheets or T-Shirts</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/pain-of-self-denial">How to Practice Self-Denial—and What You'll Gain By Doing So</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/forming-good-habits-breaking-bad-habits-aristotle-four-levels-of-virtue">Forming Good Habits and Breaking Bad Habits: Aristotle's 4 Levels of Virtue</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">Book Review: Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff</a></li>
<li><a href="blog/why-you-should-pursue-excellence-not-success">Why You Should Pursue Excellence, Not Success</a></li>
</ol>
<p><small>Header image credit: <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Great_Horned_Owl_in_Flight.jpg">Peter K Burian</a>, <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0">CC BY-SA 4.0</a>, via Wikimedia Commons</small></p>
</div>
Time flies like an owl! Here's why I continue to write a blog, and why—even when scaling back to fit blogging better in my life—it's still worth it.
2023-10-17T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-review-paved-paradise-how-parking-explains-world-henry-grabar/
Book Review: Paved Paradise: How Parking Explains the World by Henry Grabar
2023-10-03T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/746/w800"/><p>You might not think that a book about parking would be interesting, but you would be wrong. <i>Paved Paradise: How parking explains the world</i> by Henry Grabar (Penguin, 2023) is funny, discerning, and informative. Have you ever wondered why so many buildings flounder in seas of white-lined pavement, or why everyone loves visiting walkable downtowns but no one builds them? Why is parking at the center of nearly every local zoning debate?</p>
<p>Or maybe you're wondering why parking matters enough for someone to write an entire book about it in the first place.</p>
<p>Grabar delivers. He starts by sparking your curiosity: America devotes a <em>ton</em> of space to parking. He writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The country builds more three-car garages than one-bedroom apartments. More square footage is dedicated to parking each car than to housing each person.… By some estimates, there are as many as six parking spaces for every car, meaning that our national parking stock is never more than 17% occupied." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p xiv</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Why is there so much parking in America? Do we really need that much? If not, why did we build it? Grabar explores all these questions, and more. From the history of attached garages to the escapades of parking attendants in New York City, from the dealings of parking garage fraudsters to the rise of urban shopping malls, Grabar digs into every aspect of parking. Every chapter includes numerous anecdotes and profiles that make the story of parking—and the problems created by parking—both entertaining and highly relevant.</p>
<p>And the whole point, for him, is to present the case for parking reform.</p>
<h4>What's the problem with parking now?</h4>
<p>So we have lots of parking. Why does that matter? It's easy enough, most of the time, to find a spot near wherever you're going—at least, if you live in suburbia. City downtowns can be hotbeds of parking fights (as described in Chapter 2). Why should we care about who parks where or how much parking is available?</p>
<p>Grabar argues his cause on several fronts. First, there are environmental effects of dedicating so much land mass to asphalt lots: (1) greenhouse gas emissions from a construction, (2) loss of natural land to suburban development, (3) the urban heat island effect, (4) increased flooding, (5) water pollution from runoff from roads and parking lots, and (6) decreased groundwater absorption.</p>
<p>Second, when parking is easily available, more people drive. (On the flip side, one study found that when employers stopped providing or subsidizing free parking, over 25% of employees stopped driving to work.) Increased driving leads to increased greenhouse gas emissions, ground level air pollution, and car crashes and injuries. Grabar writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Parking built into houses and apartments is a greater predictor of car use than density, transit, or any other neighborhood attribute. … Nationally, people who live in housing parking included are 60 to 80 percent more likely to own cars than neighbors without dedicated off-street parking." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p82</p>
</blockquote>
<p>In 1953, fewer than half of Detroit's 57,000 downtown commuters used cars. The more parking lots were built, the more people drove. Americans abandoned mass transit. Trolleys fell by the wayside. Cities were convinced that building enough parking would revitalize downtowns. By 1972, Detroit's downtown dedicated 74% of its land to vehicle movement and storage.</p>
<p>Third, many Americans <em>do</em> want to live in walkable areas. Just look at where the most expensive places to live in the country tend to be: the dense, walkable, city neighborhoods. </p>
<p>Fourth, we have plenty of parking. Grabar explains that almost every place where people complain of parking shortages actually has an oversupply of parking. What people meant was the parking space right in front of the place they wanted to be was full. They didn't want to walk, not even for a minute. In addition, most apartment building lots, residential lots, and garages were only around 60 to 65% occupied at night, meaning that builders supplied far more spaces than they actually needed to.</p>
<p>But builders were <em>required</em> to provide those extra spaces. Grabar writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"There is a powerful law of parking, too … virtually every U.S. jurisdiction … [can] mandate the provision of parking spaces with every new home, store, school, office, doughnut shop, movie theater, or tennis court. Overtime, it was this decision, more than the highways or the malls or the tax-poaching suburbs themselves, that would prove the most influential legacy of the mid-century downtown parking crisis." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p69</p>
</blockquote>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/book-review-arbitrary-lines-how-zoning-broke-american-city-how-to-fix-it-m-nolan-gray">Book Review: Arbitrary Lines: How Zoning Broke the American City and How to Fix It by M. Nolan Gray</a>)</em></p>
<p>Grabar explains the history of those regulations. Many of the parking requirements that we see enforced by zoning codes today were created by the Institute of Transportation Engineers, the ITE, in the 1980s. They assumed that every building creates car trips, and all projects and streets and parking should be designed and constructed according to this science of trip generation. Also, baked in, was the instruction that commercial parking lots should be built to accommodate some of the busiest days that that commercial area might ever see, such as a Saturday before Christmas.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The assumption behind parking requirements… was that every new structure generated traffic…. McKenna-Foster's view was that this theory was backward. An apartment building, he said, did not generate car trips anymore than a banana generated fruit flies. An apartment building sitting atop eight stories of garage, on a street without sidewalks, linked by a six-lane, fifty-miles-per-hour arterial to a commercial area that is 70 percent parking by service area would attract car trips. But the car trips were not an inherent feature of the building anymore than the fruit flies were of a banana. It was the context that determined the way people would travel." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p156</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The parking requirements assumed that all homeowners could afford cars, wanted to pay for parking them, and that they preferred their cars to other modes of transportation. Big assumptions, all around. Then, by building so much parking, more people drove, or felt they had to; people became trapped in a cycle of automobile dependency. </p>
<p>Fifth, parking requirements are partly behind our current housing shortages. About building apartments, Grabar writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Parking garages cost so much money that developers must raise rents. To justify high rents, developers get into an arms race to provide amenities—roof gardens, cycling studios—which add costs. And then before you know it, everything is a "luxury" development."
—<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p219</p>
</blockquote>
<p>In between the sprawl of single-family homes and high-density luxury condos is another class of housing that is largely missing from American cities—duplexes, triplexes, fourplexes, sixplexes, small apartment buildings, and other smaller multi-family buildings. These generally aren't built because of parking requirements. Surface parking takes up too much area, but structured parking costs too much. Similarly, in many suburban neighborhoods, accessory dwelling units (ADUs) and garage conversions are difficult to build because of off-street parking requirements, despite the fact that, as Grabar points out, they enable</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Cheaper housing units in high-opportunity neighborhoods. Higher densities that would enable more local commerce, better public transit service, and more walkable areas. Rental income to help aging homeowners stay in empty-nest houses. Smaller units for older residents looking to downsize in their own neighborhoods, or for on-site caregivers. Privacy and affordability for young adults." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p234</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Current parking policy and parking requirements lead to a lot of problems. So what's the solution?</p>
<h4>If parking is a problem, how do we fix it?</h4>
<blockquote>
<p>"The need for a perfect parking space has also shaped the country's physical landscape. It has become the organizing principle of American architecture, from the parking-first design of the strip mall to office towers that sit like sculptures atop the garage pedestals to the house itself, where the garage is off in the largest room and the dominant feature of the facade. In most of the country, it is illegal to build a home without parking. The need for parking determines local politics and the behavioral compact that governs the street in front of your house. At the center of our biggest cities, some of the most valuable public land on earth has been exclusively reserved for the free storage of private cars." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, pxi</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The whole book is an argument for parking reform. Grabar explains the history of "parking minimums"—i.e., the number of parking spaces developers are required to build for any given building, set in law in zoning codes. He wants us to understand why developers are required to build so much parking—when cities remove the requirement, developers nearly always build less—and what the consequences of requiring a lot of parking actually are. Grabar wants us to understand the problems with the assumption that we should always get free car storage everywhere we go—and what alternatives can actually work.</p>
<p>In short, Grabar wants us to see that there's a better way to build cities and towns than to erect islands in vast seas of pavement. Every chapter contributes to the story, demonstrating the rationale behind his policy recommendations and building the case for changing the laws around parking.</p>
<p>Grabar summarizes his position near the end of the book:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The path forward from a policy perspective seemed clear. Abolish parking minimums and let developers build the amount of parking their clients want. Break garage rents apart from apartment rents so carless tenants don't have to subsidize their neighbors driving. Recognize that more parking means less housing, especially affordable housing. Let different uses—an office and an apartment building, a school and a movie theater—share parking. Charge for the best street parking, and use parking prices and enforcement not to generate cash and cycles of punishment but to manage city streets. Invest the proceeds in the neighborhood. Let architects design environments where people can walk. Ask drivers to bear some of the externalities of automobile use." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p280</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Many of these ideas about parking reform come from Donald Shoup's influential tome, <i>The High Cost of Free Parking</i>. As Grabar summarizes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"He [Shoup] proposed two big ideas…. The first was dynamic, demand-based pricing at downtown parking meters to free up spaces, charging for curb parking based on its availability.… The second was an end to the parking-minimum laws that required new parking spots in every new or renovated building." —<i>Paved Paradise</i>, Henry Grabar, p151</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Shoup's solution is to charge for parking—charge high rates for good spots, no rates for bad spots. In a lot of places, curbside parking is free and garages charge entry; Shoup says this is backwards. Parking meters and free garages would work better. Then curbside parking would be available for people shopping and going on short trips, while commuters would park a little farther away or in garages. Curbs would also be more available for uses other than bus stops and car storage—loading zones, delivery, pick ups and drop offs, food trucks, parklets, bike shares and car shares. Shoup also argues for spending any parking money collected on local improvements and upgrades, such as benches and street trees.</p>
<p>Shoup's second idea was to eliminate any parking requirements when building. Evidence shows that developers still do build parking, but in quantities better suited to the particular building and locale. For instance, one developer who built both an office building and an apartment building built exactly one parking garage shared between them. The commuters living in the apartments didn't need their spaces during the day, which is when the office needed them. The garage had almost half the number of spaces that two separate garages would have required.</p>
<p>Grabar doesn't talk about the time cost or annoyance of paid parking. We have paid lots in a downtown area near us, but I generally avoid them (in favor of less convenient street parking) because of the hassle of the parking apps. </p>
<p>Do Shoup's suggestions and Grabar's policy recommendations work? Grabar presents stories from municipalities that have implemented these ideas. The results: Less driving around the block and better parking availability. Developers snatching up previously untouchable redevelopment projects, increasing their value twentyfold and revitalizing downtowns. More affordable housing of all kinds, from apartment buildings to fourplexes to accessory dwelling units (ADUs) and garage conversions. In short: yes, they work.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/strong-towns-community-not-more-infrastructure">America Needs Strong Towns and Community, Not More Infrastructure</a>)</em></p>
<h4>What <i>Paved Paradise</i> misses</h4>
<p>One glaring omission is race. Grabar reports a conversation with a Californian developer, in which she recounts how she has never been asked by city officials about ceiling heights or rent increases or quality of life for tenants. It's always about parking. She says, "We care more about housing for our cars than we care about housing for ourselves." (p10). Or maybe, parking is the stand-in for the topics these people can't raise in polite company. Parking requirements can be substitutes for talking about race segregation. As M. Nolan Gray wrote in his book <i>Arbitrary Lines</i>, zoning codes have segregationist roots (<a href="/blog/book-review-arbitrary-lines-how-zoning-broke-american-city-how-to-fix-it-m-nolan-gray">Read my review of the book</a>). It's a complex topic; perhaps Grabar felt he didn't need to address it to get his points about parking across.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/what-is-localism-seven-ways-localism-benefits-communities">What Is Localism? How Localism Benefits Communities</a>)</em></p>
<p>Second, all the examples and stories in the book are from large cities. The discussion is most applicable to large cities. I imagine that's because all the parking problems are most prominent and visible in large cities. Still, I would have liked to see some consideration of the effects of parking policy in smaller cities and towns. That said, if you look elsewhere, there are documented cases of how removing parking minimums from zoning in small cities has benefited the area, such as <a href="https://www.strongtowns.org/journal/2019/1/30/one-line-of-your-zoning-code-can-make-a-world-of-difference">this story of Sandpoint, Idaho</a>.</p>
<p>Overall, <i>Paved Paradise</i> is a worthwhile book for anyone interested in the future of cities, localism, urban development, transportation, and—especially—anyone who drives a car or is annoyed that they have to deal with the architecture created by too many cars. Here's what can be done about it!</p>
</div>
More space in America is dedicated to parking cars than to housing people. How did our built environment become this way? Why is parking so frustrating, the center of every zoning debate, and the key to reviving our towns?
2023-10-03T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/switching-blog-schedule-biweekly/
Switching the Blog Schedule to Biweekly
2023-09-19T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/745/w800"/><p>This week's post is a short one:</p>
<p>The Owl is switching from weekly posts to every other week. (Biweekly, except isn't it weird that biweekly can also mean twice a week?) Randy's busy with work and his <a href="/blog/why-im-running-for-city-council">city council campaign</a>; I want to free up writing time for other projects. I have several longer works in progress, and I'd like to try to finish those instead of using all my writing time on blog posts.</p>
<p>But never fear, I'll still be writing! Expect posts about a book on parking (far more interesting than you might expect!), this year's garden harvest, how we prepped our bees for winter, reflections on having a regular blog for three years, and more!</p>
<p><small>Header image credit: <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Garden_snail_or_land_snail_in_India_06.jpg">Pinakpani</a>, <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0">CC BY-SA 4.0</a>, via Wikimedia Commons</small></p>
</div>
With all the other projects I'm working on, this blog will be taking a backseat. I'll still be writing here, just a little less often!
2023-09-19T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/school-age-at-last-my-homeschooling-plan-for-school-year-2023-2024/
"School-Age" At Last: My Homeschooling Plan for School Year 2023-2024
2023-09-12T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/740/w800"/><p>This year, since my oldest kid will be 7 soon and officially "school age," people keep asking me what curriculum I'm using. To which I say: None? We're a bit more eclectic in our approach to homeschooling. My oldest, along with my 4-year-old and 2-year-old, isn't going to spend this year at a desk doing worksheets, unless he so chooses.</p>
<p>Our plan hasn't changed drastically from previous years—read about them:</p>
<ul>
<li>2022-2023: <a href="/blog/looking-ahead-heres-this-years-preschool-kindergarten-homeschool-plan-fall-2022">Our Plan</a>, and <a href="https://deliberateowl.com/blog/reflections-our-homeschool-year-2022-2023">how it went</a></li>
<li>2021-2022: <a href="/blog/start-of-the-homeschool-school-year-with-three-children-fall-2021">Our plan</a>, and <a href="/blog/reflections-on-our-homeschool-year-2021-2022">how it went</a></li>
</ul>
<figure>
<img src="/images/741/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/741/w400 400w, /images/741/w800 800w, /images/741/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Investigating the outdoors.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Organized activities: Forest school and Sudbury Co-op</h4>
<p>We are continuing our forest school group, which includes mixed-age kids from babies through 9-year-olds. I love this group. We have a consistent circle time with a song, a book, and then an activity; the majority of the time is free play in the woods. It's wonderful.</p>
<p>This year, we're bringing in more Waldorf elements: seasonal festivals, poetry, seasonal rhythms, and a rotating schedule of activity types each month. These rotating activities include:</p>
<ul>
<li>Bushcraft (e.g., fire starting , shelter building whittling, navigation),</li>
<li>Life skills (e.g., cooking, first aid, foraging),</li>
<li>Hand crafts (e.g., sewing, finger knitting, tie dye, weaving), and</li>
<li>Art and nature journal (e.g., painting, sculpting, observing and documenting, music, plays).</li>
</ul>
<p>The group meets one day per week. Occasionally we add a second day for a hike or the beach. Some of the families are adding a second day this school year for a Spanish class, but we won't be joining that because…</p>
<p>We are also attending NISCO again—a Sudbury-style co-op at a 400+ acre farm. (<a href="https://deliberateowl.com/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">Read about it!</a>) This co-op meets two days per week, but we will probably attend only one day most weeks. We'll see how we feel. The kids are very excited to visit all the farm animals again!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/742/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/742/w400 400w, /images/742/w800 800w, /images/742/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>We love this creek!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Learning by living</h4>
<p>Daily life is a constant learning experience. The kids are involved in <a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">gardening</a>, <a href="/blog/how-we-managed-our-first-honey-harvest">beekeeping</a>, house renovation projects, reading, <a href="/blog/how-to-consciously-be-a-role-model-in-creativity-curiosty-crafting-for-children">arts and crafts</a>, <a href="/blog/why-watching-my-parents-cook-means-i-cant-share-soup-recipes-how-i-encourage-kids-to-cook-too">cooking and baking</a>, <a href="/blog/seasonality-and-natural-rhythms-why-growing-preserving-your-own-food-matters">food preservation</a>, shopping, <a href="/blog/five-board-game-we-play-with-six-year-old-for-learning-math">playing games</a>, attending community events and concerts, and all the other things that make up our day-to-day existence.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/743/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/743/w400 400w, /images/743/w800 800w, /images/743/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Building a picnic table with Dad.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>My husband Randy has been using Duolingo to learn some languages (currently, German); the kids tag along. We hear our 6-year-old explaining the vocabulary to the younger two, so it seems like he's paying attention. Duolingo has recently introduced a "learn to read" app, too, which we've been trying out. Seems like it has some useful phonics activities. We have a couple other reading skills apps that the kids play from time to time, too.</p>
<p>On the subject of screens: We tend to be a lower-screentime family. (Is that weird, since Randy's a computer engineer and I worked with robots?) We don't do unlimited screentime. We use the tablet/ipad for some educational apps and games, but not every day. (The kids don't ask to play every day, either; they get busy with other stuff.) We watch occasional videos. For instance, we like a bushcraft youtube channel featuring a couple guys who build cabins in the woods. Documentaries, recordings of symphony orchestras, a guy chopping up firewood with a chainsaw—that sort of thing. We want the kids to be technology-literate, learned at a developmentally-appropriate pace, with curated content. There's a lot of not great stuff out there that we'd like to avoid.</p>
<h4>Books and reading</h4>
<p>I'm making a list of books I want to read aloud this year, so I don't forget about good ones. And there are so many good ones!</p>
<p>We are continuing our subscription to <a href"https:="" www.twoacrebooks.com"="">Two Acre Books</a>' library boxes! As I described in <a href="https://deliberateowl.com/blog/reflections-our-homeschool-year-2022-2023">last year's reflection</a>, I <em>love</em> these. So many good books, all on a theme for the month. </p>
<h4>Beautiful thing-a-day</h4>
<p>I'm adding a beautiful thing-a-day (probably in the morning as our first activity after breakfast). I don't remember where I found this idea, but I love it. Every day, share something beautiful with your children. A painting, a poem, a natural wonder, a song—something beautiful and fascinating. Spend at least a few minutes exploring it, and of course, spend more time as interest dictates. This way, your children learn about what is good and beautiful. </p>
<p>I'm starting with wonders of the world because I happened across a book at the library with a nice two-page spread on each of the natural and manmade wonders of the world: Mt. Everest, the Colosseum, the cave of crystals, and so on.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/744/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/744/w400 400w, /images/744/w800 800w, /images/744/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Lots of beach time in the summer!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Structure and rhythms</h4>
<p>Now that my oldest is almost 7, we've also been thinking about structure. Not in terms of a structured curriculum—more in terms of the rhythms of the day. We have some rhythms; I'm wondering if more would be helpful. For instance, starting weekdays with consistent after-breakfast activities (like the thing-a-day). I'll report back about what we actually do.</p>
<p>At a higher level, we plan to follow the same seasonal rhythms as in previous years. Summer: beaches, local events with art and music, the state faire, gardening, hiking, and everything outside. As the weather cools, we do more indoors—crafts, art, reading, baking, games. We play outside plenty, too, but we might not stay out <em>all</em> day.</p>
<p>On the faith front, our 6-year-old gets to start the catechism class at the parish this fall with the other 6-year-olds. Being a classroom environment, it may actually be a fun, interesting experience for him, since it's not our usual thing.</p>
<p>There are always more activities that we would <em>like</em> to do, but won't have time for. Such is life! Swim lessons will be necessary at some point, maybe this winter at a heated indoor pool, but are hard to fit in since the kids would need to be in three separate classes. Many of our friends do martial arts. Some are learning new languages—and we're dabbling in that, but wouldn't it be fun to do more? And so on. There's always more!</p>
<h4>Need ideas for your own homeschooling?</h4>
<p>Read these book reviews and education posts:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="blog/book-review-homeschooling-with-gentleness-catholic-discovers-unschooling-suzie-andres
">Book Review: Homeschooling with Gentleness by Suzie Andres</a></li><a href="blog/book-review-homeschooling-with-gentleness-catholic-discovers-unschooling-suzie-andres
">
</a><li><a href="blog/book-review-homeschooling-with-gentleness-catholic-discovers-unschooling-suzie-andres
"></a><a href="/blog/how-to-afford-homeschooling-alternative-education-for-kids-on-budget">How to Afford Homeschooling and Other Alternative Education on a Budget</a></li><a href="/blog/how-to-afford-homeschooling-alternative-education-for-kids-on-budget">
</a><li><a href="/blog/how-to-afford-homeschooling-alternative-education-for-kids-on-budget"></a><a href="/blog/how-to-involve-kids-in-modern-work">How to Involve Kids in Modern Work</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">Schools Zap Kids' Motivation and Mental Health</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/why-watching-my-parents-cook-means-i-cant-share-soup-recipes-how-i-encourage-kids-to-cook-too">Why Watching My Parents Cook Means I Can't Share Soup Recipes—And How I'm Encouraging My Kids to Cook Too</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/how-to-consciously-be-a-role-model-in-creativity-curiosty-crafting-for-children">How to Consciously Be A Role Model in Creativity, Curiosity, and Crafting for Children</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/why-outdoor-time-is-important-for-kids">Why Outdoor Time is Important for Kids</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-little-way-of-homeschooling-13-families-discover-catholic-unschooling-suzie-andres">Book Review: The Little Way of Homeschooling by Suzie Andres</a></li>
<li>(Read my related book review of <a href="/blog/book-review-teaching-from-rest-a-homeschoolers-guide-to-unshakeable-peace-sarah-mackenzie">Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakeable Peace</a> by Sarah Mackenzie.)</li>
<li><a href="/blog/five-board-game-we-play-with-six-year-old-for-learning-math">Five Board Games We Play With Our 6-Year-Old for Learning Math</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
My oldest will be seven years old soon and people keep asking me what curriculum I'm using. Our plan is more eclectic: lots of outsidetime, fun co-ops, farms, play, life, and more!
2023-09-12T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-review-expectation-effect-how-your-mindset-can-change-your-world-david-robson/
Book Review: The Expectation Effect: How Your Mindset Can Change Your World by David Robson
2023-09-05T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/738/w800"/><blockquote>
<p>"While many of today's crises are beyond our control, our responses to difficult situations are often the product of our expectations—and understanding this allows us to increase our resilience and to react in the most constructive way to the problems we face."</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Why do expectations matter?</p>
<p>We all have expectations. We think particular things; we hold particular beliefs. Robson argues that our thoughts and beliefs affect what happens to us. Our thoughts and beliefs—our expectations—have real-world consequences. Thoughts and beliefs are not just "what's in our heads" because what's in our heads can influence health, sleep, stress, memory, concentration, fatigue, creativity, and more.</p>
<p><i>The Expectation Effect: How Your Mindset Can Change Your World</i> by David Robson (Henry Holt and Co, 2022) is about the power of expectations. This book isn't about optimism and positive thinking—though Robson does explore our expectations about emotions. It's a dive into specific instances where what you think and how you approach a situation can significantly affect the outcome, backed up by research. Every chapter ends with a useful list of ways to apply the insights of the chapter.</p>
<p>I'd encountered some of this research before, but there was plenty of new stuff, too, which was awesome. I love the kinds of studies that are used to study expectations. Often, participants are given the same experience, but are told different stories about it—which means they form different expectations. Any difference in outcomes between participants can be attributed to their expectations.</p>
<h4>How can expectations affect real outcomes?</h4>
<p>Here's a simple example. See the figure below? What do you think it is? </p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/739/w800" alt="an ambiguous line drawing showing a rabbit looking to the right or a duck looking to the left" srcset="/images/739/w400 400w, /images/739/w800 800w, /images/739/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1400" height="840"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Some researchers did a study with this ambiguous figure. They asked zoo visitors to report what they saw. Ninety percent said it was a bird looking to the left. At Easter, only twenty percent said it was a bird! Far more thought it was a rabbit!</p>
<p>This example shows that our expectations can affect our perception of a real, if ambiguous, line drawing. If you're primed to think about bunnies at Easter, you're more likely to see the rabbit in the drawing.</p>
<p>Robson explains that our brains are constantly trying to predict what's going to happen to us so that our bodies can be prepared to deal with it. Your brain uses all the relevant context it can—like the fact that the Easter season often includes bunny motifs—to predict what you're going to encounter in the world. Robson writes, </p>
<blockquote>
<p>Before you walk into a room, your brain has already built many simulations of what might be there, which it then compares with what it actually encounters. At some points, the predictions may need retuning to better fit the data from the retina; at others, the brain's confidence in its predictions may be so strong that it chooses to discount some signals while accentuating others. Over numerous repetitions of this process, the brain arrives at a "best guess" of the scene."</p>
</blockquote>
<p>What you see in the world, then, isn't necessarily what's <em>actually</em> there. It's your brain's best guess. </p>
<p>Robson writes that this is a new theory, but it's not <em>that</em> new. Cognitive scientists have known that brains are "prediction machines" for decades. I read the book <i>On Intelligence</i> by Jeff Hawkisn and Sandra Blakeslee (Owl Books, 2004) in my first Introduction to Cognitive Science class in college, and I doubt that was the first place the idea of brains as predictors was presented.</p>
<p>Anyway, there were some great examples about the false images brains can produce, and how our top-down mental models and predictions about what we might see affect what we actually perceive, bottom-up, from our senses. The duck-rabbit study was one example. In another study, people were down a screen of random noise, just gray dots. But people could be primed to see faces in the noise up to a third of the time anyway. In other domains, people have strong expectations about the taste of expensive versus cheap wine, or about the effectiveness of designer versus cheap sunglasses.</p>
<h4>Placebo effects</h4>
<p>After describing some of these perception effects, Robson dove into the most well-known expectation effects: the placebo effect in medicine. The placebo effect occurs when people believe they're getting a treatment but are actually getting sugar pills (or some other fake treatment that has the appearance of the real thing), and then they actually experience the treatment they're not getting. They get the benefits, but also, often, the treatment's expected side effects (a nocebo effect).</p>
<p>Some of these effects were wild.
For instance, early work found that saline injection of a "pain killer" helped soldiers before surgery, almost 90% as effective as the real thing. It is fascinating that our expectations can change our health, physiology, and pain perception—it seems like that shouldn't happen! But it does, and Robson explores some potential mechanisms. One reason placebo effects occur may be because receiving a placebo is a signal that you're being cared for, which can lower your fear and anxiety, so your body may lower inflammation and stress responses, allowing the next stage of healing to begin.</p>
<p>But here's the weirdest thing about placebos:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Open-label placebos have now proven successful in the treatment of a number of other conditions, including migraine, irritable bowel syndrome, depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and menopausal hot flashes.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>That means that people who are prescribed a placebo, and <em>know</em> that they are prescribed a placebo, still get benefits from taking a pill. Even when they know the pill is doing nothing. Isn't that weird?</p>
<p>Robson also explains nocebo effects, which occur when we believe our body to be under threat. Instead of a positive outcome, nocebo effects exacerbate the negative.</p>
<p>Here's a simple example of a nocebo effect:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>How often does a doctor or nurse warn that "this may hurt" before giving an injection or taking a blood sample? The thinking behind these words may be that it is best to allow the patient to steal themselves for the pain. In reality the short statement will make that pain more likely.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>I wonder if this is why when getting blood drawn, the phlebotomist has said to me, "you will feel a small pinch." Is this how they are now trained to help set expectations about the amount of pain you might feel?</p>
<p>The weirdest result from this chapter is that nocebo effects can be spread through social contagion. That is, when someone near you shows negative symptoms, you're more likely to begin experiencing the same symptoms, because your brain may start to simulate those feelings. These simulations could feed into your brain's prediction machine, creating or amplifying a nocebo effect.</p>
<h4>Other expectation topics covered</h4>
<p>The later chapters cover a range of topics. Exercise—how exhaustion works, the benefits of reappraisal techniques, the power of visualization. Food, and how our beliefs about calories consumed affect satiety, metabolism, and nutrient absorption.Why viewing stressful events as challenges rather than threats improves outcomes, and how recognizing the value of negative emotions can lead to improved performance in all kinds of tasks, games, and sports. Why thinking that you are a bad sleeper and complaining about it (even if you are actually a good sleeper) leads to more negative symptoms such as fatigue and poor concentration than actually being a bad sleeper, but not realizing it. Why willpower isn't actually a limited resource and how you can tap into your mental resources. How to increase your intelligence—or rather, how your beliefs (and your teacher's beliefs) about your potential can cause you to succeed, or fail.</p>
<p>Here's a taste from the stress chapter:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>When faced with a difficult challenge, people who see stress as enhancing tend to focus more on the positive elements of a scene (such as the smiling faces in a crowded room) rather than dwelling on potential signs of threat or hostility. They also become more proactive—deliberately seeking feedback and searching for constructive ways to cope, rather than trying to hide away from the problems at hand. They even demonstrate more creativity. All these changes would mean that they are better equipped to find permanent solutions to the challenges that were causing the distress in the first place.</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Expectations are everywhere</h4>
<p>I was fascinated by just how much is affected by our outlook. <i>The Expectation Effect</i> really highlights how much our experience is shaped by our own psychology and consciousness. All those famous quotes have it right: we make our own reality. Perhaps more so than most of us realize.</p>
<p>I wish Robson had spent more time exploring the mechanisms behind expectation effects. Most of the book focuses on <em>that</em> they occur and how we can use them to our advantage, which is probably what most readers want to learn. Personally, I'd like to know: how <em>exactly</em> do our predictions and expectations change our physiology? Robson explained some of the effects, mostly nocebo effects, through stress responses and chronic inflammation, but that can't account for everything. What else is going on?</p>
<p>Read this book if you want to better understand how your own mind works; if you want tricks for improving health, wellness, sleep, concentration, and more; or if you're generally interested in human psychology and the science of human behavior!</p>
</div>
What you think and how you approach a situation can significantly affect what happens. This book explains how your beliefs influence real-world outcomes—health, sleep, stress, memory, concentration, fatigue, creativity, and more.
2023-09-05T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/five-board-game-we-play-with-six-year-old-for-learning-math/
Five Board Games We Play With Our 6-year-old to Learn Math
2023-08-29T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/732/w800"/>How do your kids learn math?
The typical answer, even for 6-year-olds, involves matchbooks and worksheets. We're not doing those with our kids right now. Instead, we're learning new board games.
Board games are great for learning math! Logical systems, reading numbers, counting, adding, subtracting, pattern matching… games have it all.
Here are five games we've been playing with our kids, and what's useful about them for learning math skills:
<i>Dragonwood</i>: You fight monsters and dragons using sets of cars from your hand. What's not to like for a 6-year-old boy? This game involves collecting sets of cards, reading numbers on the cards, ordering and matching numbers, rolling dice and adding up the results. There's an element of learning probability and chance from the dice in the game
<figure>
<img src="/images/733/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/733/w400 400w, /images/733/w800 800w, /images/733/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1652" height="1652"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<i>Wreck Raiders</i>: You collect treasure from shipwrecks to fill a vault in your museum, and you also build aquariums for your museum. This one is a basic worker placement and resource management game,with logical thinking and pattern matching. I also like it because it has lots of simpler versions of game mechanics that show up in the more complex games my husband and I like playing - good practice for joining in later!
<figure>
<img src="/images/734/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/734/w400 400w, /images/734/w800 800w, /images/734/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1600" height="1600"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<i>King Domino</i>: A straightforward tile placement game, you build territory in your kingdom. It includes tile matching, logical planning, and adding and multiplying to score at the end of the game. We've introduced a calculator to learn about multiplying bigger numbers, which also helps with memorizing early times tables.
<figure>
<img src="/images/735/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/735/w400 400w, /images/735/w800 800w, /images/735/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1024" height="1024"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<i>Carcassonne</i>: Build cities, roads, and monasteries in the French countryside! A tile placement game with scoring mid-game as well as at the end. Simple counting, addition, and multiplying to determine points.
<figure>
<img src="/images/736/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/736/w400 400w, /images/736/w800 800w, /images/736/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1465" height="1465"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
<i>Settlers of Catan</i>: You're settling the island of Catan. A resource management and building game, where you get resources based on dice rolls and use them to expand your settlements and roads.across the island. This game helps instill an intuitive sense of probability when rolling two six-sided dice! Plenty of planning and logical thoughts. So far, the kids have only played the basic version with no expansions.
<figure>
<img src="/images/737/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/737/w400 400w, /images/737/w800 800w, /images/737/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1667" height="1351"/>
<figcaption></figcaption>
</figure>
This is just a handful that we've played lately! We've actually introduced more complicated German-style games to our 6-year-old too—such as <i>Feast For Odin</i> and <i>Hallertau</i> (generally rated for ages 12+). Soon, I'm going to have to get the bananagrams back out as we get back into learning to read!
</div>
Who wants to do math worksheets? Not my 6-year-old. But hell happily play games for hours - so we do! Here are a few we've been playing lately.How is a book edited and produced? Here what's happening with my book on the slow road to publication.
2023-08-29T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-update-4-chugging-through-copyediting/
Book Update #4: Chugging Through Copyediting
2023-08-22T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/726/w800"/><p>My book has been copyedited!</p>
<p>That means my book is chugging along like the little engine that could: <em>I think I can I think I can</em>, and if we keep chugging, we will slowly, slowly climb over the mountain to publication.</p>
<p><em>(Read the <a href="/blog/book-deal-announcement-phdone">book announcement</a>, about <a href="/blog/phdone-progress-report-1">the writing process</a>, <a href="/blog/phdone-book-update-2-complete-manuscript">finishing the manuscript</a>, <a href="/blog/book-update-3-revisions-complete-entering-production">the revision process</a>, and the <a href="/blog/book-update-5-grad-school-life-publication-day-february-27-2024-cover-reveal">cover reveal, pub date, and page proofs</a>.)</em></p>
<h4>What happens in editing and production?</h4>
<p>This stage means that the manuscript is relatively final—I turned it in, it went through peer review, my editor gave comments, I revised, my editor commented, I revised more. Now, most of the work is in the hands of my publisher, Columbia University Press (CUP). I give some input, but they're the ones hard at work right now.</p>
<p>At this stage, we have settled on a title: <i>Grad School Life: Surviving and Thriving Beyond Coursework and Research</i></p>
<p>The manuscript went to the copyeditor. I got the copyeditor's edits, comments, and questions back last week. I have a couple weeks to read and respond. I also need to supply the final back material soon (e.g., the acknowledgements).</p>
<p>There's no book cover yet, but it's coming. I filled out a design questionnaire to give preliminary input. I'm excited to see what the designer comes up with!</p>
<p>After copyediting, the production editor gets the manuscript ready for composition and typesetting. The goal is to have page proofs by mid-October. Then there's indexing.</p>
<p>After that, it's a marketing game! I've returned CUP's questionnaires about marketing plans and cover copy. We'll talk at some point about the details, I suspect in October or later.</p>
<p>And then… I'm not sure what the schedule is! I expect it'll depend on exactly how quickly we get through it all, and on the timeline of other books in CUP's pipeline.</p>
</div>
How is a book edited and produced? Here what's happening with my book on the slow road to publication.
2023-08-22T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/modern-quality-where-do-we-get-beautiful-things/
Modern Quality: Where Do We Get Beautiful Things?
2023-08-15T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/720/w800"/><p>If you go to any major chain or big box store, much of the stuff available to buy is cheaply made and ugly. </p>
<p>As a result, many people surround themselves with ugly things that won't last—because it's the stuff that's readily available. It's cheap. It's there.</p>
<p>What if there was a better option?</p>
<p><strong>Why it matters: </strong> Psychology says we are happier and healthier when surrounded by beauty. Nature, natural materials, natural lighting. Our surroundings impact how we think and feel—the architecture, the landscapes, the materials. The effects can be subtle, but they add up. Surround yourself with the ugly, plain, and industrial, and you get negative effects instead.</p>
<p>Plus, cheaply made things break sooner and have to be replaced. You may end up spending more overall as a result. You contribute to throwaway culture—the materialist cult that treats everything as disposable. You help fill the landfills.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/recovering-beauty-in-modern-life">Recovering Beauty in Modern Life</a>)</em></p>
<p>Here are a couple examples.</p>
<p>Why do we have this:</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/721/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/721/w400 400w, /images/721/w800 800w, /images/721/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1000" height="1000"/>
<figcaption><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/82134796@N03/9780369883">Wrought iron lacework on an old cottage</a></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>And not this?</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/722/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/722/w400 400w, /images/722/w800 800w, /images/722/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2816" height="2112"/>
<figcaption><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/82134796@N03/9780369883">Wrought iron lacework on an old cottage</a></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Why do we have this:</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/723/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/723/w400 400w, /images/723/w800 800w, /images/723/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1066" height="617"/>
<figcaption>A typical suburban house.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>And not this?</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/724/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/724/w400 400w, /images/724/w800 800w, /images/724/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1280" height="960"/>
<figcaption><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/47134714@N04/4513226911">Lovely cottage with garden</a></figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Or rather—why is it so hard to find stuff like the latter, because you see it once in a while, but the former is everywhere?</p>
<h4>Why is there a lack of beauty?</h4>
<p>
Last time my husband and I watched Lord of the Rings, we lamented the lack of Elvish architecture and beauty in our lives. Why don't we have the intricate details and craftsmanship in all our own clothes, dwellings, tools, and towns? When you look at old photos, and especially old paintings of what people and places used to look like, there was more of it than there is today.</p>
<p>In part, it may be that before, materials were expensive but labor was cheap; now, materials are cheap but labor is expensive. But we could produce pretty materials; we can mass produce beautiful things, but we don't. Why not?</p>
<p>In part, it's the rise in short-term thinking. (Long post on that forthcoming.) It's the focus on maximizing short-term gains, nevermind what it might cost future generations. If you're not thinking ahead, not thinking generationally, then why do things need to last? Why not consume and throw away? Why bother with quality?</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/the-farmers-lament-a-poem">The Farmer's Lament: A Poem</a>)</em></p>
<p>In part, it's that mass production means less customization and detail (unlike the embroidery and detail in so many traditional clothing, for instance, or the carving on buildings, and the ornamentation.) It's the attitude that cheaper is better. It's a lack of recognition that we're missing something.</p>
<p>It's bauhaus. It's consumerism, materialism, and industrialism.</p>
<p>In part, it's that people are <a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">losing autonomy</a> and don't realize that they don't need permission to make beautiful things, to live in beautiful places, to enhance their homes, yards, and neighborhoods.</p>
<p>No doubt there are many other factors, too. This is just a few of the more easily apparent.</p>
<h4>What do we do instead?</h4>
<p>You don't need permission.</p>
<p>It doesn't matter what the dominant culture says or what you were taught in school or what top people in the field say.</p>
<p>Beauty is possible. Quality is possible. It's usually more expensive up front, but if you can afford it, it'll last longer and make you happier. Upgrade up front.</p>
<p>Where do you find beauty and quality? Locally, usually. Find local craftsmen, local artists, local makers. For example, when we moved into our house five years ago, we decided to splurge on real furniture. We'd been getting by with hand-me-down couches and folding tables—cheap grad student fare—and it was time for an upgrade. We were <em>adults</em>, after all! We browsed furniture stores. Most of them were disappointing. Then we found a store filled with mostly locally-made wooden furniture—real wood, not plywood and a thin veneer. The kind of furniture you buy once and have for the rest of your life. We spent <em>a lot</em>; the store probably loved us. But we got amazing bookcases, a beautiful kitchen table, and solid hardwood chairs.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/what-is-localism-seven-ways-localism-benefits-communities">What Is Localism? Seven Ways Localism Benefits Communities</a>)</em></p>
<p>Find commercial-quality stuff, not consumer-quality. When we were looking for sturdy shelving for a utility space, we bought commercial restaurant-quality metal shelves, because everything consumer-grade looked like it'd fall apart under its own weight. We wanted shelves that could hold up, shelves we wouldn't have to replace in five years.</p>
<p>Look for older stuff, too, as it may have been made to a higher standard. A friend of mine bought an old chest freezer—some 30 or 40 years old—because it was better quality than the ones they make now.</p>
<p>Check the "buy it once" subreddit for advice on the best brands. For instance, when we were replacing our can opened <em>yet again</em>, Randy did his research, and this time, we have a can opener that shouldn't break for another couple decades.</p>
<p>You can learn to make, or modify, things. When looking for nice clothes, I opted to <a href="/blog/how-i-made-a-linen-wrap-skirt-with-rainbow-embroidered-flowers">make my own linen wrap skirt</a>—complete with detailed embroidery! To decorate my floors, I made my own <a href="/blog/tutorial-how-to-make-braided-rag-rug-from-old-sheets-or-t-shirts">braided rag rugs</a>. And so on.</p>
<p>Put in the effort and you'll reap the rewards.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/725/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/725/w400 400w, /images/725/w800 800w, /images/725/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>The hem of the first panel of my linen skirt, all decked out in petals!</figcaption>
</figure>
</div>
If you go to any major store, most of the stuff you can buy is cheaply made and ugly. Why? Quality and beauty make us happier and healthier. Where can we find them?
2023-08-15T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/how-we-managed-our-first-honey-harvest/
How We Managed Our First Honey Harvest
2023-08-08T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/707/w800"/><p><em>(Read about <a href="/blog/why-we-started-beekeeping-how-its-going">why we got bees and what we've learned so far</a>)</em></p>
<h4>How much honey did we harvest?</h4>
<p>We've often heard that you're not supposed to harvest any honey from a hive in its first year. Why not? Many hives take some time to get established. It takes a lot of work for bees to draw the comb where they raise brood and store honey, and as a result, many don't produce enough honey the first year for there to be excess for the beekeeper. But if your hives are doing well, you probably <em>can</em> take some, as long as you're careful to leave enough in the hive for the bees to survive the winter. </p>
<p>In our area, the rule of thumb is to leave two deep supers for the bees. Many beekeepers have two deep boxes at the base of the hive, which they never touch, with honey supers above for harvesting. We are using only medium supers in our hives, not deeps (<a href="/blog/why-we-started-beekeeping-how-its-going">read why</a>); three medium supers is approximately equivalent to two deeps. It might be a little less, since we're using 8-frame supers, not 10-frame supers.</p>
<p>Our plan is to leave the bees three supers—maybe four?—for the winter. The balance we have to strike is between enough food (four supers?), and minimizing the space the bees have to heat (three supers?).</p>
<p>Even if we decide to leave four, two of our hives already have extra honey.</p>
<p>Earlier this summer, Randy added a fifth super to two of the hives. That super, in both hives, is already being filled with comb. There's still a month or two of good weather left. We decided to take some frames from the super below it, which was <em>very </em> full (and heavy!)</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/708/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/708/w400 400w, /images/708/w800 800w, /images/708/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Checking the frames!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>In one hive, the fourth super had seven (of eight) frames 100% combed, full of honey, and capped off. The eighth frame was maybe 60% capped, so we left it. In the other hive, the fourth super had three frames 100% capped; the other five were around full of honey but only around 50% capped, so we left them.</p>
<p>The other two hives weren't nearly so productive. One had filled the third super and was building comb in the fourth; in the other, the bees were still capping honey in the third super. So we didn't take any honey from them.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/709/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/709/w400 400w, /images/709/w800 800w, /images/709/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>This one isn't 100% capped, so we put it back.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/seasonality-and-natural-rhythms-why-growing-preserving-your-own-food-matters">Seasonality and Natural Rhythms: Why Growing and Preserving Your Own Food Matters</a></em></p>
<em>(Read: </em><em><a href="/blog/one-year-later-are-backyard-chickens-worth-it">One Year Later, Are Backyard Chickens Worth It?</a>)</em><p></p>
<h4>How did we extract the honey?</h4>
<p>This was our first time extracting honey, so here's what we did.</p>
<p>First, honey is sticky and everything gets sticky. We were proactive in containing the mess, so it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. E.g., we made a point of setting any utensils, tools, etc on cookie sheets or large lids to keep the stickiness contained on easily cleanable surfaces.</p>
<p>When taking the frames out of the hive, we first cleaned out a large plastic bin and set an empty super in it. Then, we took a frame to be extracted, shook some bees off, brushed the rest of the bees off with a bee brush, put the frame into the empty super in the bin, and put the lid on the bin while checking the next frames. That way, the bees would stay out of the way and all the stickiness was contained. Since we took 10 frames to harvest and our supers fit 8 frames, we set a second super in the bin, too; they fit stacked.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/710/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/710/w400 400w, /images/710/w800 800w, /images/710/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Busy bees, hard at work deep in the hive.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Once we had our frames, we took everything inside.</p>
<p>We used an uncapping knife and an uncapping scratcher to get the wax off the top of the honeycomb on the frames. It took some patience, though we did get faster with practice. I can see why someone might splurge on a heated knife that cuts smoothly through the wax.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/711/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/711/w400 400w, /images/711/w800 800w, /images/711/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Uncapping frames with the knife.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Then we loaded two frames of uncapped honeycomb into our honey extractor. Extractors are expensive; even a manual two-frame extractor can be over $200 and if you want one with a motor, over $500, maybe even over $1000. So, ours is a homemade extractor that Randy made, mostly following the plans he found <a href="https://kiltedcraftworks.com/2015/10/03/diy-drill-powered-honey-spinner/">here</a>—made of PVC in a 5gal bucket, powered by an electric hand drill. (Modifications included: 1/2" PVC instead of 3/4"; how the drill attaches to spin; adding a pair of metal washers at the base of the spindle so the plastic won't melt.) A PVC spindle holds two frames in place; the drill spins the whole contraption around so the honey flings out against the sides of the bucket, kind of like a salad spinning drying lettuce. The honey drips down through holes at the base into another bucket, which has a honey gate that we can open to let the honey out.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/713/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/713/w400 400w, /images/713/w800 800w, /images/713/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Frame loaded into the spinner.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/714/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/714/w400 400w, /images/714/w800 800w, /images/714/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1134" height="1730"/>
<figcaption>Ready to spin…</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/715/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/715/w400 400w, /images/715/w800 800w, /images/715/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1134" height="1904"/>
<figcaption>Honey extracting!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>We tried the first frames inside, but it seemed like the honey wasn't flinging out well. I suggested we try outside; it was a nice warm 93 degree day. And that helped. The honey, when warmer, moved much easier. Sweaty work though it was, we did the rest of the extraction outside.</p>
<p>When the bottom of our extractor looked full of honey, we opened the honey gate and strained the honey through a double sieve into a large bowl.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/716/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/716/w400 400w, /images/716/w800 800w, /images/716/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Liquid gold!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/717/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/717/w400 400w, /images/717/w800 800w, /images/717/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>It was fun to watch the honey flow!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>After the strained honey was in bowls, we laddled it into jars. We got about 3 gallons of honey from the 10 frames—approximately 36lbs!</p>
<p>We made biscuits that evening and ate them covered in honey, of course.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/718/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/718/w400 400w, /images/718/w800 800w, /images/718/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2048" height="1538"/>
<figcaption>Look at all that honey!</figcaption>
</figure>
<em>(Read: <a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">Backyard Gardening Year 5: Expanded Beds, New Seed Starting Setup!</a>)</em>
<h4>What will we do differently next time?</h4>
<p>For next time, we need to make a few more modifications. We need to add a brace or crossbar to the top part of the spindle to hold it centered better while spinning. Randy managed it well enough, but it was tiring after 10 frames.</p>
<p>We also need to add a honey gate to another 5 gallon bucket so that we can strain the honey into it, instead of into bowls. We didn't realize how much honey we would get! Then it'll be easier to transfer the strained honey into jars.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/719/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/719/w400 400w, /images/719/w800 800w, /images/719/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1538" height="2048"/>
<figcaption>Look at that glow.</figcaption>
</figure>
</div>
Our bees have been productive this summer, so we decided to harvest some honey! Here's what we've learned about the honey extraction process.
2023-08-08T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/self-direction-in-graduate-education-improving-academic-system/
Self-Direction in Graduate Education and Improving the Academic System
2023-08-01T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/706/w800"/><h4>How can we support self-directed education at the graduate level?</h4>
<p>When I was a student at the MIT Media Lab, I began thinking about the purpose and goals of graduate education. How could we improve the ways we currently try to achieve those ends? What changes could we make to better align graduate education with what we know about how people actually learn?</p>
<p>By "how people actually learn," I mean learner-led, interest-led approaches. People learn when they're curious and motivated, and when the material is meaningful to them. To learn more about this approach to learning, read these posts:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">Schools Zap Kids' Motivation and Mental Health</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-changing-our-minds-how-children-take-control-their-own-learning-naomi-fisher">Changing Our Minds: How Children Take Control of Their Own Learning</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">Interest-led Learning in North Idaho</a></li>
<li>Watch my TEDx talk: <a href="https://youtu.be/CPx7QCKvfik">Kids Can't Be Taught But They Love to Learn</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/how-i-built-career-from-strengths-interests-how-kids-can-too">How I Built a Career From My Strengths and Interests—and How Your Kids Can, Too!</a></li>
</ul>
<p>Brief note up front: This is brainstorming, the early part of a conversation, not a completely thought-out suggestion for how graduate school might change. I'd love to hear your thoughts!</p>
<h4>What is the goal of graduate education?</h4>
<p>The first step in determining how we could improve graduate education is to consider the current goals. What's the purpose of attending grad school? What are students supposed to get out of the experience? What do schools and faculty gain?</p>
<p>The purpose varies by graduate program. Graduate programs can be roughly divided into two types: (1) research-focused programs, and (2) programs focused on practice, skills, qualifications, and professional advancement. Thus, in the former case, the goal is for students to become able to perform independent research in their discipline. In the latter case, the goal is to acquire deep knowledge of a particular discipline. The degree conferred on the student is a symbol for the rest of the world to show that students have achieved those goals.</p>
<h4>How is that goal currently served?</h4>
<p>Graduate programs generally have committees of faculty who determine the sets of skills and knowledge students ought to have before they graduate: the core classes, the course schedule, the material covered on oral or general exams, the expectations for a thesis or dissertation, and so on. Students may be required to take classes on research methodologies or lab skills; to work as a research assistant or teaching assistant; or to complete an independent project or paper. I'm research programs, students learn the background knowledge, the underlying assumptions, the methodologies, the ways people in the field typically pursue questions, and so on. In practical or knowledge programs, students learn the necessary information or skills for that field.</p>
<h4>Problems with that graduate education model</h4>
<p>Like in earlier conventional schooling, other people (not the learner) decide what needs to be learned and tell the learner, top-down. The learner expects that what they are told to learn will be sufficient; generally, however, it will not be sufficient.</p>
<p>Faculty decide what knowledge and skills are necessary to succeed, and focus on teaching those things. Thus, classes, labs, and field work usually focus on technical, factual, and some methodological knowledge within a discipline. But as methodologies evolve, new theories arise, and so forth, faculty may not know or teach everything students will need to know to thrive. </p>
<p>Generally not taught are many of the practical aspects of doing research as a student, or as a future researcher or faculty member—such as project management, grant writing, technical writing, teaching, mentoring, and advising. Students may gain experience in some or all of these areas, if they happen to have an advisor who shows them the ropes, or they happen to take an elective, or attend a workshop on the topic, etc. They are not generally part and parcel of a graduate education.</p>
<p>There is an implicit assumption in many grad schools that students will go beyond required coursework to learn what they need to know to succeed. However, since it is implicit, some students feel cheated by the system. They expected that if they attended all the classes and checked all the boxes, they'd be fine—and they're not. At the MIT Media Lab, this implicit assumption is made explicit, so students start out knowing that they're going to have to take (at least some) charge of learning what they need to know. And that helps, I think.</p>
<h4>Example: What did my MIT Media Lab education look like?</h4>
<p>One reason I chose to attend the Media Lab for grad school was the greater amount of academic freedom compared to other schools (read more about <a href="LINK">why I went to grad school</a>). Instead of a long list of required courses and specific exams, the Media Lab gave a few guidelines, and left much of the curriculum up to the student and their advisor. That suited me just fine.</p>
<p>Nearly all students started in the two-year Master's program. They were required to take 2 classes a semester (adding up to a certain number of total class hours), take the thesis prep class the first semester of their second year, and work on their thesis after that. They were all funded by research assistantships. PhD students were all required to take a seminar class that focused on how to do multidisciplinary, Media Lab-esque research, one or two more classes (again, for some total number of class hours), then do their general exams, proposal, and dissertation. </p>
<p>The key reason for the relative freedom and lack of constraints was the multidisciplinarity of the research labs housed within the Media Lab. Very few required the same background knowledge or methodologies. They were, generally, each a combination of two or more other disciplines (biotech, tech and music, robots and psychology, etc). As such, there wasn't a common set of core classes that could feasibly be assigned to all students. The only two were that thesis prep class and the PhD seminar, which both focused on how to do research generally rather than specifically. </p>
<p>The Media Lab's approach to education was heavily influenced by the constructivist and constructionist theories of Jean Piaget and Seymour Papert. Basically—lots of learning by doing, through experiences and action. Media Lab classes tended to be project-heavy. Students, as I said above, were explicitly told that they would be expected to learn what they needed to learn and it wouldn't always be through a formal class. The classes that students took were chosen with guidance and approval from their advisor, who was the only one above the student in the academic hierarchy who really knew what the student needed to know in their field. (And, as I said, even that wasn't perfect.) Students were also allowed (with advisor and/or committee approval) to deviate from the common structure of a thesis, exam, or dissertation - sometimes pursuing projects, performances, exhibitions, or other formats that better aligned with their learning goals.</p>
<p>So, on the whole, the Media Lab approach to graduate education as I experienced it definitely leaned in the learner-led, self-directed direction. It depended greatly on one's advisor, however; some allowed more freedom and self-direction than others.</p>
<h4>How can the goals of graduate education be served in a more learner-led way?</h4>
<p>If the goal of grad school is to acquire and then demonstrate the capability to perform independent research and/or deep knowledge of a discipline, what are other ways to do that? I included the example of the Media Lab because it's different from a lot of other grad programs, and shows one way that a program can move toward individualized graduate education. How else?</p>
<p>One way to be more flexible and learner-centered would be to take a set of guidelines for what a master or researcher in the discipline needs to know (perhaps based on the current course schedule or exam material), and develop (perhaps with a mentor or advisor and committee) an individualized plan for learning everything and demonstrating mastery. The degree you get could mean you achieved your plan. </p>
<p>Critical to success are mentors and advisors. Learners often need people who know more than they do about topics to help them plan a path, to suggest ways to learn about the topic, to suggest related topics or areas to explore, and to answer questions. For areas involving a lot of technical skills, observing or shadowing a mentor, or working closely with them in an internship-type format, can be invaluable in discovering how the field actually works in practice.</p>
<p>For example, I probably learned the most about experimental design not from classes or reading about best practices, but from being present in meetings during which my professors hashed out experimental designs and discussed why they might do things one way versus another.</p>
<p>Formal classes could still be offered—perhaps more project-based, discussion-based, and interactive —as well as labs or sessions for learning hands-on techniques and the practical aspects of the field. They're not incompatible with self-directed education (SDE). The core of SDE is learner autonomy and choice: deciding what, how, when to learn; what to pursue; when to stop; what topics to cover. It doesn't mean that learners eschew all formal instruction. Some people like to learn that way. Many different education formats can be self-directed, because SDE isn't about the specific format of the information being acquired or the method of acquisition.</p>
<p>So, grad schools could still offer classes. But to serve SDE, they might:</p>
<ul><li>be offered on an interest-based timeline,</li>
<li>use a flipped classroom format to take some burden of lecturing off the instructors,</li>
<li>not stick to semesters as a length of activity for classes or projects, or</li>
<li>allow students to delve deeper into what interests them about their field.</li></ul>
<p>However, since the goal of a graduate <em>degree</em> (not the education part, the actual title and letters) is to signal competence or knowledge to the rest of the world, for learning to qualify as graduate-level work, as degree-granting work, it needs to meet some criteria. For some kind of degree to be conferred, someone has to vet the learner, to verify that they have learned sufficient information, skills, etc. Anyone can be a self-directed learner, and anyone could decide to pursue topics that might be considered the subjects of a graduate education. But to be a graduate <em>student</em>, and then be a <em>graduate</em> with a PhD or Masters or whatever, requires adherence to some set of standards or some examination or some oversight. The rest of the world wants outside confirmation that a learner has learned stuff, not just the learner's word for it.</p>
<p>Above, I suggested coming up with a learning plan, with a mentor. That's not far off the current model: students generally need the guidance and approval of their advisor and committee. Grad school can function like an apprenticeship, especially in research-focused programs. How do we evaluate if a learner has achieved their plan? How do they demonstrate mastery? </p>
<p>I think it's easier to come up with learner-led approaches for research degrees, since you can essentially keep the current format: learn stuff for a few years, then do a big project (i.e., a dissertation) demonstrating that you know what you're doing. Require learners to do independent research, in a way appropriate to your research questions, with a sound methodology, and communicate the results in a way that shows your mastery of the subject. Leave it up to the learner, with advice from one or more mentors, exactly what the format of the project is. Since writing about one's work is common, expected, in academia, some written component could be required. </p>
<p>A project-based approach could work for practical and knowledge programs, too—some Media Lab classes worked that way. Students proposed a final project for the class that would demonstrate mastery of the knowledge covered in the class.</p>
<p>The Media Lab program that I described above leans in this direction, especially at the doctoral level. The requirements were somewhat flexible: first, you demonstrate through your exams (which might be exams, or essays, or papers, or projects) that you're familiar with work in your field, and you know how to engage with it and synthesize it. You present your research plan: a proposal sharing your research questions and how you plan to evaluate or study them—a chance for detailed feedback. Then there's the dissertation: do the proposed work and write it up. Everything is evaluated by a committee of experts (usually 3). If they sign off, you're golden.</p>
<p>One problem is the interpersonal. Some students have professors or committees who don't have their best interests at heart (e.g., I knew a student whose graduation was delayed because his professor wanted him to continue doing good work for her). Some of these conflicts can be partially bypassed or solved in the current system by having the external set of school rules for who qualifies to graduate or not (though in most cases, you need your advisor and/or committee to sign off). Regardless, currently, students switch advisors if interpersonal conflict is too great; learners could switch mentors.</p>
<p>Another problem is that going full SDE makes it hard to compare students. Conventional schooling loves ranking and comparing students. Colleges and universities love their rankings and status. But individualized programs don't lend themselves to comparison—learners are following their own paths, acquiring different knowledge, or the same knowledge in a different order, and focusing on different things. It's not easy to line up two people like that and say who comes out ahead. I personally don't think this is a problem—it's more of a benefit—but the current academic system will see it as an obstacle.</p>
<h4>Why bother suggesting changes to academia?</h4>
<p>Many academics and former academics (especially the latter) acknowledge that the academic system is hugely flawed. They are happy to point at the problems. But instead of trying to fix anything, they tell current students, <em>"You didn't create the problem, so it doesn't have to be your problem to solve. Get your degree and get out."</em></p>
<p>To an extent, this is true. Students shouldn't have to be the primary drivers of change in academia. In many cases, however, they are. </p>
<p>The same advice is given to current academics who are thinking of jumping ship. <em>Not your problem anymore; don't bother.</em></p>
<p>But if so many of the people who see the problems leave, who's going to fix anything for anyone else? It feels short-sighted and a bit selfish. </p>
<p>We have a positive obligation to leave the world better than we found it, to improve the system for those after us, even if only in our own small way. E.g., <a href="/blog/book-update-3-revisions-complete-entering-production">writing a book</a> to help grad students find balance. Or joining organizations that are rethinking academic structures (á la the Ronin Institute). Or brainstorming ways we can better align graduate education with how people learn best.</p>
<small>Header image credit: Madcoverboy at English Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 3.0 <https: creativecommons.org="" licenses="" by-sa="" 3.0="">, via Wikimedia Commons</https:></small>
</div>
Some parts of the academic system are based on conventional schooling practices, not on how people actually learn—when they're curious and motivated, when material is meaningful. How can we better support learners in grad school?
2023-08-01T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/why-im-running-for-city-council/
Why I'm Running For City Council
2023-07-25T12:00:00Z
Randy
<div><img src="/images/704/w800"/><p>We've done a lot to enrich our lives over the past few years: suburban homesteading activities like <a href="/blog/one-year-later-are-backyard-chickens-worth-it">chickens</a>, <a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">gardening</a>, <a href="/blog/why-we-started-beekeeping-how-its-going">bees</a>, and the next door expansion project; dietary changes like producing and <a href="/blog/seasonality-and-natural-rhythms-why-growing-preserving-your-own-food-matters">preserving</a> more of our own food at home, getting further away from processed foods with corn syrup and seed oils, and generally buying higher quality produce; new business ventures, <a href="/blog/a-strategy-for-developing-antifragile-finances">diversification of income</a>, and a focus on resilience in the shadow of an increasingly uncertain world.</p>
<p>As we get progressively closer to what we consider to be the best way of living and as our children get older, my thoughts have turned toward passing things on. How can I set up my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren for success? Money is clearly the first thing most people think of, but it seems to me that inheriting a strong community is far more valuable. I'd feel a failure as a father if I let them grow up socially atomized and alone, as many are today. They need friends, people they can count on, connections in the community—in a word, social capital.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/what-is-localism-seven-ways-localism-benefits-communities">What Is Localism?</a>)</em></p>
<p>The first step in passing on social capital has been finding some of it ourselves. Moving to a place with a thriving Traditional Latin Mass community has been by far the biggest source of this. Our parish is overflowing with young Catholic families having something like an average of eight children each. These are good people who are always willing to help each other out as they live lives filled with Christian charity, and we're blessed to be a part of it.</p>
<p>But there's a whole civic engagement side to strong communities as well, because a strong community really requires wise local government. It turns out that boring things like zoning, annexations, and public infrastructure are actually really important! The way we build, develop, and grow shapes everything for generations to come.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/seven-principles-to-guide-development-in-kootenai-county">Seven Principles to Guide Development in Kootenai County</a>)</em></p>
<p>Our county has been uniquely strained by recent events. Our population has exploded from political refugees leaving the west coast to escape crime, COVID lockdowns, and high taxes. Our median home value is $500,000 and median income is somewhere around $60,000 a year. Given recent inflation and the spike in interest rates, few people can afford to buy a house here who aren't selling a lifetime of equity from some house in California or Seattle.</p>
<p>We're in an emergency situation. Many of our friends are moving to the Midwest because they just can't afford to live here anymore. When young people can't afford to buy a house and raise a family, the area will wither economically and eventually collapse. Unfortunately, most people in local politics have no positive vision for how to move forward or how to address these issues.</p>
<p>Therefore, I have a positive obligation to be involved in the business of local governance. Even if it means that my businesses grow slower or that I have to sacrifice personal hobbies or time with my family. Because if something isn't done, then my children won't have a strong community to inherit.</p>
<p>So I've decided to run for city council here in Post Falls.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/705/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/705/w400 400w, /images/705/w800 800w, /images/705/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2601" height="1606"/>
<figcaption>Walking in the 4th of July parade.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>This is a big change of direction for me. I've never done anything political beyond voting. It's not a path I could have ever foreseen myself going down, nor is it one I particularly relish. And yet, sometimes duty calls and we must answer. There are much larger things at stake than my own personal preferences.</p>
<p>That said, it's also an exciting journey! It's an opportunity to force myself far out of my comfort zone, which is the only place I've ever found personal growth. I've spent the past year or two learning, thinking, and preparing for something like this even if I wasn't sure what form it would take. I've developed strong opinions on zoning, local ordinances, and formed a vision of where I think our city should go over the next 20 years. Given the long term impact of actions in this domain, any success here would have generational benefits for my own descendants and those of my friends here.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/book-review-arbitrary-lines-how-zoning-broke-american-city-how-to-fix-it-m-nolan-gray">Book Review: Arbitrary Lines: How Zoning Broke the American City and How to Fix It by M. Nolan Gray</a>)</em></p>
<p>Here's a link to <a href="https://www.randyforpostfalls.com/">my campaign website</a>, which has more info about principles and policy positions, for those interested. Wish me luck! Or donate, if what you see resonates with you.</p>
</div>
I’m running for Post Falls City Council because I want my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to grow up as part of a thriving, resilient, local community here in North Idaho.
2023-07-25T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Randy
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-review-changing-our-minds-how-children-take-control-their-own-learning-naomi-fisher/
Book Review: Changing Our Minds: How Children Can Take Control of Their Own Learning by Naomi Fisher
2023-07-18T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/703/w800"/>
<blockquote>
<p>"We can see from young children that it is not necessary to force children to learn. Humans are born curious and with a desire to learn from their environment." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p17</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Humans are born desiring to learn from their environment, and yet modern schooling systems are built on force and compliance. Why? Is the modern system really optimal?</p>
<p>In <i>Changing Our Minds: How Children Can Take Control of Their Own Learning</i>, Naomi Fisher explains what schooling is, how it is neither necessary nor sufficient in helping children learn most of the things schooling is supposed to help children learn (like how to read), and shows us a better way to do education. It's a great book. It covers everything you need to know about learning, motivation, and individual differences to show how so many of the ways people currently approach education are <em>wrong</em>, and what to do instead.</p>
<p>What <em>do</em> you do instead? Fisher is a strong proponent of self-directed education (SDE) and unschooling. She explains that different kids need different things; they have different personalities and will be interested in and learn from different environments. And that's fine. The whole point is that education ought to be individualized. SDE is the most individualized education method there is. Fisher writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The aim of this type of education is for each child to find joy in learning and discover what interests them." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p3</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Who should read <i>Changing Our Minds</i>?</h4>
<p>Read this book if you have kids, if you know people who have kids, if you care about the state of education or the future of the world, because if you haven't realized yet that modern schooling is <a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">dooming kids</a>, this book may open your eyes. Read it if you're curious about learning, and how motivation, control, play, and individual differences interact.</p>
<p>In short: Highly recommended.</p>
<h4>Diving in: Why should we change our minds about education?</h4>
<p>Fisher begins by acknowledging why schooling is all about compliance: because you get mayhem if you don't carefully control the 30 kids in the classroom. But some kids in the classroom fail to thrive. They leave school without learning to read, or learn to read without help from school. Children who don't fit the system are seen as abnormal, given diagnoses, their behavior medicalized.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"[P]erhaps, rather than assuming children are not trying hard enough, maybe schools aren't designed well enough to enable young humans to learn." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p19</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Fisher asks: What if learning doesn't work best by instruction or by listening to teachers share information? Then what kind of educational environments should we pursue? What would work better?</p>
<p>She gives us a rundown of behaviorist, cognitive, and constructionist theories of learning. The gist: learning works best in context, when it's relevant, when the learner is involved and motivated. One example is communities of practice, i.e., groups of people coming together for a collective purpose, such as cooking together or reading or an exercise group or a craft circle. They learn, share information and methods, and the learning is embedded in the activity.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"For humans, meaning and context are an integral part of why and what they learn. We ignore this at our peril." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p37</p>
</blockquote>
<p>That's not what happens in schools, at least not most of the time. The difference is clear when you consider it like this:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Before school, all skills are learnt because they are meaningful and useful for the child right now. But at school, the skills learnt are for the future - for the child, an unimaginably distant future where things like grammar and decimals will be all important in some unspecified way. They aren't learnt because the child needs and wants to know them for their life right now, or even for their own future goals." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p77</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Does self-directed education (SDE) really work?</h4>
<p>Fisher follows her discussion of general learning with a chapter summarizing research on SDE in particular. I was familiar with much of this research, and it was a good discussion!</p>
<p>The conclusion of the chapter is that you can't force learning. A teacher may teach <em>at</em> kids, but it's up to the kid to learn the information and integrate it into their puzzle of the world.</p>
<p>(Watch my TEDx talk: <a href="https://youtu.be/CPx7QCKvfik">Kids Can't Be Taught But They Love to Learn</a> and read about the <a href="/blog/how-i-prepared-for-my-first-tedx-talk">process of preparing it!</a>)</p>
<p>Fisher discusses Peter Gray's research, which</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"focused less on the process between children and adults, and more on what it is in the children which enables them to educate themselves. Gray suggests that children have biological drives which enable them to educate themselves when in an adequately equipped environment. He traces this back to human evolution, arguing that children in hunter-gatherer societies were able to educate themselves through unstructured play and that the innate nature of human children is unchanged from this time." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p68</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Thus, children need curiosity, play, and sociability to become educated. Children play at the skills that are important in their culture. They're curious about everything and want to explore their world. They desire to learn with and from others, to understand their minds and what is in their minds. They also need the ability to plan, and autonomy, which they develop further as they age.</p>
<p>An environment that promotes education would include connection with other people, space to explore, and opportunities to try new things. It can help to have respectful adults—especially parents—involved, who have the child's best interests at heart, and can suggest activities that might interest the child, or be available to help them find the information they need or activities they want to try out. (Read about <a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">our new interest-led learning co-op</a>, which checks all these boxes.)</p>
<p>An interesting point from this chapter about how children learn and how learning develops over time is that humans learn in different ways at different stages of life. Younger children find exploratory play and hands-on learning more appealing. As people age, they may prefer reading or talking or watching videos. And it's not about <a href="/blog/why-you-shouldnt-teach-to-students-learning-styles">learning styles</a>, but rather, about how brains actually develop and change over time. Fisher recounts studies showing how brain development continues into our 40s. Neuroplasticity—i.e., the ability of the brain to change shape and adapt to new contexts and situations—is greater than many people assume. We <em>constantly</em> adapt to our context.</p>
<p>Especially interesting to me was that developmentally, around age nine, children switch from discovery/exploration learning—where they often get distracted, get bored, and head off to a different activity—to mastery learning. Mastery learning is about practicing to get good at skills, to <a href="/blog/how-to-level-up-at-anything-using-science-to-approach-mastery">increase competence</a>, and kids after about age 9 are more able to persist at an activity in order to master it. They become more purposeful and more able to manage their emotions. At younger ages, they're more likely to abandon the activity.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"This is why the dichotomy which is sometimes drawn between play-based discovery learning and forced learning is a false one. When children can choose how they learn, their learning takes many forms, just as it does with adults. Children don't need to be made to move on from the discovery stage, because they will do it naturally in their own time. This may well take much longer than school allows. Children who are not schooled often play for years longer and acquire skills such as reading and maths years later. It doesn't matter. They can and do acquire the ability to learn in a variety of different ways." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p90</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Fisher also writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The evidence from children educated outside school indicates that doing things in a different order or at a different pace does not have to be a problem unless a child's environment makes it so. Instead of demanding more conformity from children, we need to demand more flexibility from their education." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p92</p>
</blockquote>
<p>For example, perhaps we need to consider reading more like walking. It doesn't much matter if you learn to walk at 9 months or 19 months, eventually, you'll still be a proficient walker. It doesn't matter whether you learn to read at age 5 or age 10, except in schools—and maybe it's better to learn to read late if you also retain your enjoyment of reading! (<a href="https://happinessishereblog.com/reading-doesnt-need-taught-unschoolers-learn-read/">Learn how unschoolers learned to read.</a>)</p>
<p>The basic skills of SDE, which children learn through SDE,.are self-regulation, immersive experience in decision-making and responsibility. As Fisher writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The ability to know what you want to do, the ability to manage your emotions come and the ability to take responsibility for your own life." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p193</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Sounds useful, right?</p>
<h4>How do we measure effective education?</h4>
<p>It's difficult to compare children who attend schools to those who don't, because the people who choose each option are not equivalent groups. You can't do a randomized control trial. Usually, people resort to testing as a way of determining education's effectiveness. If you perform well on exams, you're doing okay, right?</p>
<p>Competitive tests are designed to discriminate among test-takers. If one person scores well, someone else inevitably scores poorly. Fisher points out that it is taken for granted that competitive exams are the end point of the education system, but test results aren't the same thing as high quality learning. It's also not the same as enthusiasm for learning, engagement in activities, or any of the other outcomes I care about, which are more likely to indicate someone's ability to flourish as a lifelong learner.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"In fact, we could argue that tests such as children taking school aren't really a good assessment of much that is meaningful, except how good the child is and taking tests." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p101</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Personally, being a homeschooled kid myself who treated formal education as a means to learn things, not a means to get good grades, I always approached my schoolwork differently than many of my classmates. I spent <a href="/blog/life-as-practice-pursuing-excellence-in-daily-life">way too much effort</a> on a final paper (from everyone else's point of view, not mine); I didn't put work off to the last minute; I read almost every book assigned. I was there to learn, not get high scores on tests (though I got those, too, as a side effect.)</p>
<p>Peter Gray and others have performed surveys of unschooled and self-directed adults to see how they've done in life. In almost all cases, the kids turned out okay. Many sought demanding jobs or higher education. And the few cases where it didn't work, often, parents had mental health problems, or attempted to restrict children's choices. Fisher says,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"For self-directed education to work well, the environment needs to be one full of opportunities to learn. The family needs to be supportive of the child and they need some resources available to them. This does not mean they need to be wealthy, but the child needs to be able to access opportunities beyond their home. Resources could include other adults who take an interest, free museums, online resources and friends." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p108</p>
</blockquote>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-to-afford-homeschooling-alternative-education-for-kids-on-budget">How to Afford Homeschooling and Alternative Education for Kids on a Budget</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Parenting culture is part of the problem</h4>
<p>Why do we think we need "experts" and "certified parenting instructors" to tell us how to raise our children? Fisher explains how modern parenting culture - which makes parenting a verb and children the object - affects our approaches to education. She has two main points to make about parenting. First, that parenting is a relationship. Some of one's parenting style is a reaction to the child's personality and behavior. People are never passive recipients of their environment. She writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"[C]hildren are not simply recipients of parenting; they are an active participant in their relationships. They affect their parents' behaviour and create their environment." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p118</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Second, the control exerted by parents and other adults over children and children's choices can drastically affect outcomes. In order for SDE to work well, there needs to be an atmosphere of being able to disagree with other people and make your own choices, so that children do not feel like they're being forced or controlled into doing particular activities at particular times. She writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"As children go through school, many of them forget that there was ever a choice not to consent. Their wish to meet the expectations of the adults abound them becomes merged with their own desires, and consequently they lose touch with their own motivation and curiosity. They don't know what they want for themselves anymore, and so they consent to what others want for them." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p123</p>
</blockquote>
<p>She also states,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Most children will consent to what they think will make their parents happy, and they may not even be with that this is the reason why they're making the choice." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p124</p>
</blockquote>
<p>It's important to give children the space to express their opinions and explore their own interests. Fisher writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Something happens when children are in an environment in which they are valued and accepted for who they are. They see themselves as capable and as contributors to their community, and they develop and learn. That's why the respectful and non-judgmental way that adults relate to children in self-directed environments is important." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p138</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Individual differences points to individualized education</h4>
<blockquote>
<p>"'Bad behaviour' is usually an expression of distress, while 'good behaviour' means compliance with adult expectations, which is generally far more convenient for the adults around the child." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p72-73</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Fisher spends significant time looking at the medicalized way children's behavior is categorized—especially in schools—and how any child who doesn't thrive in the schooling system is seen as abnormal.</p>
<p>She criticizes the neurodiversity movement, because it accepts the medical model and divides people into two groups: neurodiverse versus neurotypical. But whenever you divide people into two groups, you need to put the line somewhere, and it's really not clear where this line ought to be. Fisher writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"A problem with the neurodiversity framework is that it can encourage us to think that problems are fixed. The idea is that we can identify those who are neurodiverse (usually by diagnosis or self-diagnosis) and that we know then that they will be different to other people for their entire lives. This isn't based on evidence. We simply don't know what will happen to many of the children who are currently being diagnosed with developmental disorders.</p>
<p>… So when a child is given a diagnosis, and their family is told that they have a life-long disability, we don't actually know if that is true. We know that some children do stop meeting diagnostic criteria as they develop; we also know that some adults who had apparently 'normal' childhoods develop severe problems later on, including some of the difficulties which are associated with developmental disorders. We don't know that people can be divided into fixed categories of neurodiverse and the neurotypical on the basis of a diagnosis. It is much less clear than that." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p135-6</p>
</blockquote>
<p>When it comes to children's individual differences, Fisher says,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"whether any particular difference prevents a child from thriving depends on their environment." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p129</p>
</blockquote>
<p>One ringing example is ADHD diagnoses. As it turns out,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"perhaps even more concerning is a study in America which found that summer-born children are 34 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than their autumn-born counterparts. We can't really argue that being born in August is more likely to make you hyperactive than being born in September. Immaturity, it seems, is something which counts against you in the school system." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p88</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The schooling system, Fisher argues, may be <em>creating</em> disability. When you require everyone to learn the same things at the same times in the same ways, you're ignoring developmental differences. Some kids may be ready for the material later than others, and that difference is penalized.</p>
<p>What if we left that system behind?</p>
<h4>Highlight: Deschooling and switching to SDE</h4>
<p>Fisher provides fantastic advice on how to deschool, (i.e., challenge the assumption of schooling and break the cycle), how to practice SDE, and how to solve common issues with SDE—like what to do if a child only wants to play video games, or what if your child is "falling behind"? For instance:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"The concept of 'falling behind' is a school one. It's not possible for a child to fall behind their own developmental schedule, unless their environment isn't providing them with the right conditions. Learning is not linear, and it doesn't stack up in the way that schools you have you believe." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p219</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The key to deschooling is to recognize that it is a slow process. Fisher explains how to use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to challenge assumptions that are rooted in schooling; a unique way to approach deschooling that I hadn't seen before. She gives the usual advice, too: Create an environment that supports deschooling - no curriculum, no online school. Try activities you and your child enjoy; don't try to make everything "educational". Deschooling is almost more about the parents than about the child, and about making the right environment. Fisher says,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"For effective deschooling to occur, children need to be sure that they won't be made to go back to school if they do something wrong. They need to know that taking them out of school was not a punishment, and they need to know they are now able to make choices in a way they could not before." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p170</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This discussion leads into the chapters on how to enact SDE.</p>
<p>Fisher's advice: Be available but don't pressure your child to do a particular subject. Follow your child's questions and interests. Encourage questions. Show them you learning, because children need to see adults learning, being incompetent and getting better at stuff too. Set boundaries and make sure everyone is heard. Realize that play is how children learn. Join the child where they are instead of criticizing or trying to change the activity.</p>
<p>Fisher reminds us of the goals of SDE:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"In self-directed education, we are nurturing high quality motivation. We want children to grow up knowing what it feels like to do something because you choose to, rather than because you are made to." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p177</p>
</blockquote>
<p>and
</p><blockquote>
<p>"[L]earning is an active rather than a passive process. Self-directed children are doing what they care about and are learning about themselves in the process." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p175</p>
</blockquote>
<p>She mentions that you can't do everything for your child. SDE doesn't mean your kids never have to anything they don't want to do - not true! You have to get out of your comfort zone to learn. You have to contribute to your household.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"[I]t's not supportive of someone's autonomy in the long-term to prevent them from learning life skills, even if it is done with a nurturing and caring intention." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p192</p>
</blockquote>
<p>A big part of SDE is creating the right environment.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"We need to create an environment where learning involves making mistakes, and not knowing how to start, but doing it anyway. An environment where the process, not the endpoint, is what it's all about." —Naomi Fisher, <i>Changing Our Minds</i>, p182</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Interested in related books? </h4>
<p>Read my reviews:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-how-children-succeed-grit-curiosity-and-the-hidden-power-of-character-by-paul-tough">How Children Succeed by Paul Tough</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-self-driven-child-science-sense-giving-your-children-more-control-over-their-lives-william-stixrud-ned-johnson">The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-drive-surprising-truth-about-what-motivates-us-by-daniel-h-pink">Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">Hunt, Gather Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
Different kids need different learning environments; they're interested in different topics; they thrive on different tasks. So why force them to learn the same things in the same ways at the same times in schools?
2023-07-18T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/why-we-started-beekeeping-how-its-going/
Why We Started Beekeeping—And How It's Going!
2023-07-11T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/695/w800"/><h4>Why bees?</h4>
<p>First, we liked the idea of adding another type of production to our suburban homestead. Because we do not have a large amount of land (currently, about a quarter acre of yard space), we are limited in the types of things we can do—no beef cows, for instance. Beehives have a relatively small footprint. If they do well, they can be a lot of bang for their buck.</p>
<p>Second, we eat a lot of honey. I make granola and energy balls; we eat honey on yogurt and oatmeal, put honey in tea, spread honey and butter on fresh bread, among other uses. We normally buy local raw honey. Why not produce our own?</p>
<p>Also, having more local pollinators is beneficial for the garden.</p>
<p>My husband Randy will be the main beekeeper. But we're all learning about the process!</p>
<h4>Our setup </h4>
<p>We have four langstroth hives. We decided to get four because we had space for four; plus, this way, if one or two don't do well or don't survive the winter, we'll still have the others!</p>
<p>They use all medium depth supers (the boxes), rather than any deep supers. Some people use deep supers for the bottom of the hive, where the queen lives and the brood is raised, and place medium supers above for honey production.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/696/w800" alt="four white boxy langstroth beehives in row, each sitting atop cinderblocks in a rocky area along the side of a house" srcset="/images/696/w400 400w, /images/696/w800 800w, /images/696/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Four hives, newly installed!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>We decided to use all medium supers for a couple reasons. First, the deep boxes get very, very heavy when full of comb, honey, and brood. That makes it hard to move the lower supers if you need to check in on them. Even our shallow boxes can be upwards of 40 lbs when full!</p>
<p>Second, if all the boxes are the same size, then all the frames within are swappable. So, for instance, if you want to split a hive or start a new hive, you can take frames from any of the rest of your supers in any of your hives to add to the new one. You can take frames of honeycomb and honey from the honey supers and put those in a new brood box to give the bees a head start.</p>
<p>We purchased our bees already installed in the hives from a family that we met at our co-op (<a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">read about it!</a>); the all-medium-supers method is their preference, and it seems reasonable to us!</p>
<p>We put the hives along one side of our house. We're on a corner lot. The side along the street is filled with landscaping rocks, a shed, and the shadow of a large purple plum tree. It's not a wide area; it's not useful for much else. Perfect for the bees! The hives face out toward the fence, so the bees fly out, up, over, and away to forage.</p>
<h4>How they're doing so far </h4>
<p>Randy has been checking the hives every week or two—with one exception. A few weeks ago, we were very busy with lots of other things… and missed a hive inspection. This turned out to be a critical miss!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/697/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/697/w400 400w, /images/697/w800 800w, /images/697/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Randy inspecting a hive.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>One reason to check the hives regularly is to see if the bees need more space. If they fill up their supers with comb and honey, and have no more room, the hive may split. Some of the bees take the queen, swarm, and leave, off to make their own hive, while the remaining bees raise a new queen. If you give the bees an additional super on top—making the hive taller—they're likely to stay and make more honey for you, instead of swarming.</p>
<p>One of our hives was full. Randy ordered the new supers—we didn't have any extras on hand. One day before the new supers arrived, the hive swarmed.</p>
<p>It was actually <em>really cool</em> to see how many bees there were! They filled the air, then clumped onto a branch in our crabapple tree. Then… they left. Sometimes, beekeepers can catch swarms and install them in a new hive. In this case, one of our hives is raising a new queen and is a little behind on population…</p>
<p>We have since added new supers to the hives, so none of the others are in danger of swarming. Two of them are doing <em>very</em> well, already filling the fourth super with comb and honey!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/698/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/698/w400 400w, /images/698/w800 800w, /images/698/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Hives, now four supers tall!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/699/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/699/w400 400w, /images/699/w800 800w, /images/699/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Busy bees building comb.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/700/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/700/w400 400w, /images/700/w800 800w, /images/700/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>A frame with lots of capped comb, and bees making more—lots of honey here!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>And what about honey?</h4>
<p>We've been learning about harvesting honey—how much to leave for the bees for the winter, how to tell if honey is ready, how to extract it from the comb, what equipment we'll need. A lot of beekeepers in our climate leave two deep boxes, or three medium boxes, for the bees in the winter. With the bees filling in the fourth, we're hoping at least two hives will have some frames of honey for us this year!</p>
<p>We've gotten a little taste already. When Randy opens up the hives, sometimes the bees have built out comb in between the supers. Sometimes, he needs to scrap it off in order to put the supers back on properly… so we collect it! This honey is very light in color and incredibly flavorful. We only have a bit so far, but enough to know beekeeping is worth it!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/701/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/701/w400 400w, /images/701/w800 800w, /images/701/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Bits of comb and honey that were scraped from between supers.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The kids have also quickly figured out that hive inspections can mean honey. Last time Randy said he was going out to check the bees, our 2-year-old ran after him shouting, "I'm getting a spoon!"</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/702/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/702/w400 400w, /images/702/w800 800w, /images/702/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>The kids watching the hive inspection, spoons ready.</figcaption>
</figure>
</div>
No secrets: We wanted the honey. Here's why we started with four hives, how we setup the bees, what happened when one hive swarmed, and other faced challenges so far.
2023-07-11T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-review-power-of-habit-charles-duhigg/
Book Review: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do In Life and Business by Charles Duhigg
2023-07-04T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/694/w800"/><p>Do you want to build better habits?</p>
<p>In <i>The Power of Habit</i>, Charles Duhigg explains how individuals, organizations, and societies form habits, and
how they can change those habits. </p>
<p><strong>Why it matters:</strong> Habits are the backbone of daily life. Habits explain much of what we do and why we
do it. But, critically, Duhigg argues that once you have a habit, you can never eradicate it—it can only ever be
transformed. So if you want better habits, you have to learn how to change the habits you already have. Duhigg
writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Most of the choices we make each day may feel like the products of well-considered decision making, but they're
not. They're habits."</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Throughout the book, Duhigg shares stories of successful habit change, drawing wisdom from an NFL coach who got a
loser team to the Superbowl; the successes of Alcoholics Anonymous; Target's data analytics; the civil rights movement;
the growth of a mega-chuch; and many others. He breaks down what forms a habit, and the steps to habit change. </p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/forming-good-habits-breaking-bad-habits-aristotle-four-levels-of-virtue">Forming Good
Habits and Breaking Bad Habits: Aristotle's 4 Levels of Virtue</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Diving in: What is a habit?</h4>
<p>Duhigg begins the book by explaining the habit loop:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"This process within our brains is a three-step loop. First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go
into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional.
Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the
future"</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Habits can easily be built unconsciously, like fast food consumption. We often don't realize we're building a
routine upon seeing certain cues. And it's a powerful loop, but delicate—if you mess with the cue, the routine won't
follow. Duhigg writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. It stops working so hard, or diverts
focus to other tasks. So unless you deliberately fight a habit—unless you find new routines— the pattern will unfold
automatically."</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Once a habit is in place, your brain starts to anticipate the reward upon seeing the cue. You crave the reward.
Craving powers the habit loop. As an example, people who start exercising often start on a whim, such as the desire to
be fit, having more free time, or to deal with stress. People who <em>continued</em> exercising had a craving—for the
"feel good" endorphins generated by exercise, or for the sense of accomplishment from recording the workout or tracking
increasing performance. As Duhigg writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"This explains why habits are so powerful: they create neurological cravings. Most of the time, these cravings
emerge so gradually that we're not really aware they exist, so we're often blind to their influence. But as we
associate cues with certain rewards, a subconscious craving emerges in our brains that starts the habit loop
spinning."</p>
</blockquote>
<p>To build a habit intentionally, match a specific cue (such as the time of day, arriving home from work, laying out
exercise clothes in the morning) with a clear reward (exercise endorphins, a beer after dinner, a favorite show while
working out, tracking your progress). Then do it a lot (this is the hard part), until the craving kicks in and helps
the routine become automatic. </p>
<h4>How do you change a habit?</h4>
<p>Habits can never be eradicated—they can only ever be transformed. To change a habit, you keep the cue and reward,
and change the routine.</p>
<p>The first step is <em>noticing</em> your habits. When you can notice the cues and rewards, you can begin changing
the associated routines.</p>
<p>Duhigg has plenty of suggestions to make habit change succeed. For instance, you'll be more motivated if you find a
habit you <em>must</em> change in order to achieve a more important goal, such as quitting smoking so you can run a
marathon. Or, find a keystone habit—a habit that, when you change it, other patterns and routines shift, too. One
example is exercise. When people start exercising, they often have more energy, and change other parts of their diet
and lifestyle.</p>
<p>Another key aspect of habit change is belief: the belief that you can change. Duhigg tells the story of Alcoholics
Anonymous, and how instead of attacking the biochemical and psychiatric issues behind alcoholism, AA attacks habits
around alcohol use. The steps include making lists of alcohol triggers or cues, and the rewards people get from
alcohol, what cravings are underlying the habit loop.</p>
<p>AA also targeted belief. The group has a big spiritual or God aspect; it helps people learn to believe that they can
change, that things can get better. Communities and groups are key to the belief that you can change—whether a support
group like AA, a couple friends who are also training for a marathon, or an accountability partner for your writing
goals. Duhigg writes,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"Once people learned how to believe in something, that skill started spilling over to other parts of their lives,
until they started believing they could change."</p>
</blockquote>
<h4>Habits make or break organizations and society</h4>
<p>The latter sections of the book explain how habits function within organizations and in society more broadly.
They're about what happens when a bunch of people develop similar social habits or work habits, and how it affects
things on a larger scale than the individual. </p>
<p>Duhigg gives examples of how companies use keystone habits to change company culture and direction. For instance, a
new CEO of Alcoa, the aluminum company, decided to focus on safety—everyone could agree that safety mattered, the
managers and the workers and the unions. The focus on improving safety meant a bunch of other things changed and
improved too, such as communication, efficiency, and productivity. Safety was a keystone habit. </p>
<p>He also discusses how companies influence your purchasing habits. They use data analytics to determine what you
might buy, and send targeted ads and coupons to encourage you to buy it. The key is not to spook people by knowing too
much, e.g., by showing a customer the analytics says is pregnant ads for baby gear before they've created a registry.
Instead, sandwich the ad for diapers in between other items that aren't baby related. </p>
<h4>Habits and willpower</h4>
<p>Duhigg spends a chapter talking about willpower, and how you can make willpower a habit. I found this interesting,
because I'm interested in motivation and discipline. Duhigg argues that autonomy—one component of motivation—is
critical to willpower. When you have a sense of control, things are easier; if you don't, it's taxing and it feels like
your willpower gets used up.</p>
<p>The big thing was that you can improve your willpower through practice. If you learn to do the hard work in one
area, resist temptations, control impulses, it's generalizable. It spills into other areas of your life. In studies, as
people were taught skills requiring willpower—exercise, money management, study skills—they also exerted more willpower
in other areas of their lives—smoking less, drinking less, eating healthier, watching less tv, exercising more, and so
on.</p>
<p>One key strategy people used to stick with tasks was pre-commitment. They decided ahead of time how they would
respond to a certain cue, and took steps to make it easier to hold to that decision.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-to-procrastinate-less-by-increasing-motivation-decreasing-temptations">How to
Procrastinate Less by Increasing Your Motivation and Decreasing Temptations</a>)</em></p>
<p>This chapter felt like it was less about habits or willpower, and more about autonomy and the ability to deal with
temptations. E.g., Duhigg was arguing that pre-deciding what actions to take was making self-discipline a habit; it
seems to me that's not really the same as the other habits discussed in the book. Maybe some of the definitions weren't
clear enough; maybe I've read enough on these subjects to notice when people use the same terms in different ways. It
was interesting regardless.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-autonomy-will-help-you-flourish">How Autonomy Will Help You Flourish</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Societal habits and social behavior </h4>
<p>The chapters about society covered social movements and social behavior. Duhigg discusses social capital, peer
pressure, and the power of weak ties—of friends of friends—and the social status you gain or lose by going along with
the crowd.</p>
<p>These sections had me wondering what the difference between a habit and a social behavior is—if any? I'd think a
habit is learned: cue-routine-reward. Some human social behavior is innate, developed over human history; some of it is
learned, too, but is it necessarily a habit? Anyway, like with the sections on willpower, it felt a little like the
author was trying to fit as much as possible under his definition of habit just to make habits seem more important.</p>
<h4>Who should read this book?</h4>
<p>I found the earlier chapters on individual habits more useful than the later sections on organizational and societal
level habits. It was harder to see how to apply the later chapters—the stories were interesting, though. </p>
<p>Read this book if you want to learn how habits are formed and how to change them. I read it because I realized one
piece of the puzzle of how and why we do what we do and how to be successful is habit formation. I've read books on
other parts of the puzzle—<a href="/blog/what-is-motivation-two-theories-you-can-use-to-understand-and-manipulate-your-motivation">motivation</a>,
<a href="/blog/book-review-get-it-done-surprising-lessons-from-science-motivation-ayelet-fishbach">goals</a>, <a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">learning</a>, <a href="/blog/how-to-build-self-discipline-why-awareness-intrinsic-motivation-are-key">discipline</a>—but not habits,
until this one!</p>
</div>
Habits are the backbone of daily life. How do you form new habits and create better habits? In this book, Duhigg explains how habits work—for individuals, organizations, and societies.
2023-07-04T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/how-i-built-career-from-strengths-interests-how-kids-can-too/
How I Built A Career From Strengths and Interests—And How Your Kids Can, Too
2023-06-27T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/693/w800"/><p>What will your kids do when they grow up? Who will they be?</p>
<p>And what can you do now to help them on their way?</p>
<p>I was talking with some other moms about these questions recently. Some had teenagers who were learning to drive and
thinking about college and careers. The consensus was that you can't know for sure - but you can definitely see
patterns and support interests.</p>
<p><strong>The bottom line:</strong> People build lives and careers out of what they love, not what they hate.</p>
<h4>Children and their paths</h4>
<p>Sometimes, people with kids in conventional schools worry that their kids are falling behind in some subject or
another, that their kids aren't going to know as much of one topic as other kids in the class. But we all have gaps in
our knowledge. We have different interests. We dive deeply into different topics and activities. We find different
information interesting and relevant, and so we commit to different information to long-term memory.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/schools-zap-kids-motivation-mental-health">Schools Zap Kids' Motivation and Mental
Health</a>)</em></p>
<p>More experienced homeschooling parents have told me that you ought to expose your children to many different
subjects and topics, and see where they shine. Where does your child light up? What excites them? These are the seeds
of the rest of their life.</p>
<p>As parents, especially as homeschooling parents, part of our job is to help our children unearth their strengths. We
can help shore up their weak places, too, but their strengths and interests are what motivate them. These are what will
drive them forward.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">What Is Interest-Led
Learning and Why Does It Work?</a>)</em></p>
<h4>How interests can come together </h4>
<p>Your path is easiest to see in retrospect. Human minds are notorious for creating stories that tie experiences
together with meaning. </p>
<p>When I look back at my own experiences, I can see clear threads tying my interests as a child to what fascinated me
as a young adult, and from there to my college studies, my graduate school research, and beyond. The mix of science,
art, writing, reading—the lack of focus or perhaps the focus on breadth, context, and connections—my interests in
people, psychology, self, identity—it's all there, from the start.</p>
<p><em>(Read and watch: <a href="/blog/kids-cant-be-taught-but-they-love-to-leave-first-tedx-talk">Kids Can't Be
Taught, But They Love to Learn</a>)</em></p>
<p>My research in graduate school explored how social robots could help support young kids in learning language skills
through <a href="https://jakory.com/blog//2017/making-new-robot-friends/">storytelling and play</a>. I examined how
children understood and empathized with social robots; what <a href="https://jakory.com/blog/2019/kids-relationships-learning-with-social-robots/">long-term interactions</a> with
robots were like; and I considered the ethics of using social robots in young children's lives.</p>
<p>When I was interviewing at different graduate schools, I was struck by the difference between the perspectives of
the advisor I chose, Cynthia Breazeal, and another professor. This other professor asked me, "So, you've got a
background in both computer science and psychology. Which one do you want to focus on in grad school?" I remember
shrugging, not really sure—both were interesting! Why did I have to choose?</p>
<p>When I spoke with Cynthia, she explained how her students all pitched in on the lab's ongoing research projects. I
expected her to ask me what area I was good at, what I would focus on, which parts of the projects I could handle. But
instead, she told me that one reason she thought I'd be a good fit for her lab was <em>because</em> I had experience
with both psychology and computer science, and that I'd have to <em>continue</em> bridging fields in her lab! I was
sold.</p>
<p>Grad school involved forays into art, robot voice acting, philosophy and ethics, psychology, child development,
cognitive science, programming, electronics, statistics, and not a small amount of writing. I teleoperated fluffy
muppet-like robots. I played with kids. I created graphics for tablet apps and wrote stories for the robot to tell. I
made new <a href="https://jakory.com/blog/2018/measuring-kids-relationships-with-robots/">assessments</a> and ran
experimental studies. </p>
<p>I can draw lines back to earlier interests. As Leonard Cassuto said in <i>The Graduate School Mess</i>,</p>
<blockquote>
<p>"[G]ood scholarship is usually autobiographical in some way: It tells the story of the writer's interests, refracted
through the work of others."</p>
</blockquote>
<p>As a kid, I spent a couple years making puppets and putting on puppet plays with my homeschool friends. I took a chipmunk puppet to girl scout day camp to entertain the four-year-olds.
</p>
<p>I was in a science club; we did an annual tech challenge at the Tech Museum of San Jose and built stuff—and I
documented everything. </p>
<p>I took art classes, including perspective drawing and acrylic painting. I dabbled in crafts. I did some theater. I
did NaNoWriMo several years in a row as a teenager, writing over 50k words each November. </p>
<p>I read constantly, and widely. When I learned to drive, I had to learn where everything was, because I'd never paid
attention—I'd always been reading. The textbook on consciousness I picked up at the library spurred my college major in
cognitive science. </p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="https://jakory.com/blog/2012/my-intro-to-cog-sci/">My Introduction to Cognitive
Science</a>)</em>)</p>
<p>I took computer science classes in college because I decided it'd be fun to learn how my black box of a laptop
worked. I programmed robots over the summers, first at Vassar then at NASA. </p>
<p>And the threads available to tie together increased. I pulled some threads into my PhD work, earlier interests
coming together to meet in that series of projects. I drew on my strengths. And I continue to do so—while I'm not
working with robots at the moment, I'm still learning, working with kids, writing, reading, doing crafts, and so much
more. </p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/why-i-went-to-graduate-school">Why I Went to Graduate School</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Support children's interests to build careers</h4>
<p>We build on our interests and strengths. As parents, we need to help our children discover and build on theirs.</p>
<p>You never know how they will combine all the things they enjoy and love. You never know, except in retrospect, how the different threads of your own life will come together. It's like a tapestry that you can only see from the back, and then when you flip it over, there's a beautiful picture laid out.
</p>
</div>
What will your kids do when they grow up? Who will they be? And how can you help them? The key: People build lives and careers out of what they love, not what they hate.
2023-06-27T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/how-do-i-raise-my-kids-revere-life-love-good-reject-bad/
How Do I Raise My Kids to Revere Life, Love What Is Good, and Reject the Bad?
2023-06-20T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/691/w800"/><p>How do you raise your kids to revere life and take care of the world?</p>
<p><strong>Why it matters:</strong> We don't want to raise the next generation of short-term thinkers who are always chasing the latest pleasure while racking up debt. We don't want materialist, consumer children. We want children who love and revere life, of all kinds; who actively work to protect it and love it. In the world at large, that's a tall order.</p>
<p>This topic came up both at a recent book club meeting (we read <i>Braiding Sweetgrass</i>—<a href="/blog/book-review-braiding-sweetgrass-robin-wall-kimmerer">read my review</a>) and at a Catholic homeschooling mom's night. My social circles are <em>very</em> interested in this question. How do we raise our children to love what is good and reject the bad, when the bad can be ever so enticing?</p>
<h4>Why the answer is difficult</h4>
<p>One challenge is that we don't know everything our children need to know. The world today is different from the world we grew up in. That's always true, but it probably feels more true for parents of generations in the past hundred years, and more so in the past thirty. The rate of change increased post-industrial revolution. Some of the challenges our children face weren't challenges we faced as children—even in the realm of media and technology. Some of the things we want them to know weren't taught to us as children—perhaps because there was no need, or perhaps because we've changed our perspective from what we grew up with.</p>
<p>Another challenge is that we won't know if we did enough, or did the right things, until our children are adults themselves. In our discussions, moms with older kids and more experience pointed out that no matter what you do, at some point, your kids go out into the world. They interact with peers and strangers. They're exposed to the temptations that maybe you tried hard to keep out of your home. And you just have to hope you prepared them well enough. At that point, it's out of your hands.</p>
<p>
Sometimes, no matter how good a job you do, the temptations are greater. Maybe your kid makes choices you disagree with. There's probably no way of knowing whether you did all you could—but it is absolutely worth considering what <em>is</em> all you can do.</p>
<h4>The questions</h4>
<p>Let's break it down. The question to answer include:</p>
<p>How do we help our children…</p>
<ul>
<li>... learn practices or ideas we may not have grown up with ourselves?</li>
<li>... be good people?</li>
<li>... revere nature and life, to love what is good and beautiful?</li>
<li>... resist bad things and overcome temptations in the world?</li>
</ul>
<p>In some sense, these questions are the same ones parents have always had. But as the world changes, the answer changes.</p>
<p>Let's dive in. But first, a quick caveat: My kids are young. We're still figuring this out. These are my current best guesses, based on where we are now and what I've learned from other parents. Much of this is drawn from the discussions I mentioned above with other moms.</p>
<h4>Learning practices or ideas that we didn't grow up with</h4>
<p>Whatever the custom or practice or idea is that you want your children to know, children need an example to follow. The best example is you, their parents. You need to live how you want them to live. They need to see what you do as "normal"; you can't be a hypocrite. No "do as I say, not as I do".</p>
<p>This means the first step in showing children a different way is to <em>be different yourself.</em> Home life is where they begin to learn everything. If you want your children to interact with plants in a certain way, or have a certain attitude toward other people, or follow a certain tradition, or whatever it is—enact it yourself. Invite your children to participate in customs, traditions, and activities that promote the mindset and behavior you want, and some of it may sink in. <em>Show</em>, not tell, as is so common in writing advice. Children see your actions; they copy your behavior. Often unconsciously. You, as parent, are their key example early on.</p>
<p>As children get older, their peers become more and more influential. Choose your friends carefully. Surround yourself and your children with people who share some of the key mindsets or practices you want your children to have. If your children only interact with people very different from the person you want your child to be—who have different practices or customs—then the mismatch will convert your child, or upset your child, or both.</p>
<p>Now the practical steps. If you want to show children a different way, you need to know <em>what</em> different way. Define what you want your children to learn and be. What practices, customs, traditions, or attitudes do you want to instill? Listing them in no way guarantees you will actually pass them on, but you are setting a goal. You are laying out your values: <em>this</em> is what's important. You could even compile some of the most important values into a family mission statement (as suggested in <i>The Secrets of Happy Families</i>—<a href="/blog/book-review-secrets-of-happy-families-bruce-feiler">read my review</a>).</p>
<p>Next, what behaviors or actions can you do regularly (daily, weekly, yearly, etc) that demonstrate the value? E.g., you may celebrate certain holidays, say certain prayers, participate in certain groups or clubs. Do them. That will help your children see that you find these things important. When you do them, talk about the significance. Explain the value. Hopefully, some of it will stick.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/why-watching-my-parents-cook-means-i-cant-share-soup-recipes-how-i-encourage-kids-to-cook-too">Why Watching My Parents Cook Means I Can't Share Soup Recipe—And How I'm Encouraging My Kids to Cook Too</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Revering nature and life, loving what is good and beautiful</h4>
<p>The discussion among the Catholic moms focused on how we show children what is good and beautiful. How do we show them what's good and real, so that when they go out into the world and experience all the temptations it has to offer, they know what the good things are?</p>
<p>Most of the ideas were around showing our children good, beautiful things. Ground them in experiences in the world of virtue, everyday happiness and joy, nature, exploration, love, family. If they know the real stuff, then they will be less tempted by the attention economy. One mom began her homeschooling day with her kids by sharing a beautiful image, painting, poem, or other art.</p>
<p>One mom talked about moments of joy in the family. Being funny together, inside family jokes, experiences where you feel loved, known, and part of something. Everyone wants to feel loved and known. And the place you can—or should—feel the most loved and the most known is in your family—the people who raised you, who live with you day in and day out, who do love you and know you.</p>
<p>The discussion at book club focused on revering nature, since the book club is attended by the moms of the forest school nature group we're a part of—and the book we had read, <a href="/blog/book-review-braiding-sweetgrass-robin-wall-kimmerer"><i>Braiding Sweetgrass</i> by Robin Kimmerer</a>, is focused on our relationship with nature. (<a href="/blog/reflections-our-homeschool-year-2022-2023">Read more about the group.</a>)
</p><p>Kimmerer argued that we develop a sense of responsibility for nature when we develop a relationship with nature, because relationships build a sense of obligation and connection. She suggested that one to build the relationship is to recognize, as her people do, the gifts that nature gives us, and to give nature gifts in return. She explained the gift economy underlying much Native culture.</p>
<p>Given that we are not Native, and are not steeped in that culture, we have a challenge: to help our children build a relationship with nature, with the world, so they feel a responsibility to care for the earth.</p>
<p>I think the answer is the same as instilling any other ideas or practice: demonstrate it yourself. Be the example. Show, and teach, the habits that build the values.</p>
<p>Foremost, children need to know and appreciate the world around them. They need to <em>be</em> in nature. They need to know about its gifts; they need to know where food comes from; they need to know what it's like to nurture plants or animals.</p>
<p>In the book club, our kids all regularly play together in local forests and creeks—exploring, building, doing projects, learning to identify plants, and so on. The kids are familiar with some of these parks in all seasons; the group has been going strong for nearly four years.</p>
<p>We show our kids how to be respectful. We have general rules: don't pick the flowers—though if there are tons, you can pick one; don't pull things off of growing plants and instead collect things from the ground; be gentle with nature. Don't litter, clean up trash (with a parent's help; we'll have a trash bag). These set up habits, ways of relating, which tell us that the thing we're relating to matters and ought to be treated in a respectful way because it's something to be respected.</p>
<p>The activities we do at forest school are part of that, too: appreciating nature, observing what we find and sharing joy at discovering the first wildflowers of spring or weird black beetle or some cool lichen; learning the names of plants and trees (and eventually, birds, but I'm not good at birds yet); nature-themed crafts; and so on.</p>
<p>I remember when I was a girl scout, whenever we went camping, at the end of the trip we'd scour the campground for trash before leaving. Always leave it better than you found it.</p>
<p>Build a relationship with the good and beautiful in the world, and with nature. Build the right habits. Then your children will feel a connection, and perhaps, the desire to improve it, and leave it a better place than they found it.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/forming-good-habits-breaking-bad-habits-aristotle-four-levels-of-virtue">Forming Good Habits and Breaking Bad Habits: Aristotle's 4 Levels of Virtue</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Resisting the bad temptations in the world</h4>
<p>Worldly temptations are many: social media, video games, the internet's many time wasters. While there are certainly <em>good</em> uses of technology, media, and games, much of what's out there gives the wrong message, seeds an addiction to dopamine, and feeds the attention economy (the economy you reward by giving it your attention).</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/pain-of-self-denial">How to Practice Self-Denial—and What You'll Gain By Doing So</a>)</em></p>
<p>The gist of everyone's approaches was:</p>
<ul>
<li>Curate your kids' media use; screen books, movies, etc ahead of time if you can; get recommendations from trusted sources; use services such as VidAngel to filter movies.</li>
<li>No phones until absolutely necessary, like when kids learn to drive and need to be able to call for help if they get stuck somewhere.</li>
<li>Use media together. Then you can see what's in it, and discuss everything with your kids.</li>
<li>Steep your children in real, good, beautiful things (see above) so the temptations of the attention economy aren't as appealing. Many of the Catholic moms would probably agree with <a href="https://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusives/2023/06/the-ballast-of-faith">this article</a>.</li>
</ul>
<p>Personally, we've been pretty limited in the kinds of media our kids use, especially as pertains to videos, movies, and TV. We don't have a TV and the kids don't watch any shows (I didn't either, when I was a kid, and it seemed to work well). The videos we do watch tend to be educational: bushcraft videos of dudes building cabins in the woods; orchestra playing symphonies; documentaries about the ocean; chainsaws cutting wood; stuff that shows them how the world works. We listen to audiobooks sometimes.</p>
<p>We play games, too, but nearly always as a joint activity. Randy enjoys video games, so the kids get to watch him play certain games sometimes (such as Age of Empires). We have a few computer games (old ones that we used to play as kids—such as the Logical Journey of the Zoombinis). And we have a few curated tablet games; I should probably find more, since there actually are some good ones out there.</p>
<p>Since our kids are still young, we haven't had to deal with phones, or social media, or seeing movies at a friend's house. We haven't had to deal with access to the internet, though one family we know gives their kids very restricted access to certain websites, and no access to anything else. It's an interesting dilemma—technology of any kind has great potential for learning and social connection. It also has risks and downsides.</p>
<p>Navigating how to raise children is a fascinating project.</p>
</div>
I don't want to raise the next generation of materialist, short-term focused consumers. But how do I help my kids counter modern culture, resist temptations, and internalize the right ideas?
2023-06-20T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/reflections-our-homeschool-year-2022-2023/
Reflections on Our Homeschool Year (2022-2023)
2023-06-13T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/668/w800"/><p>The rhythms of June are so different from the rhythm of life in other seasons. We aren't transitioning from "school year" to "summer break," since we learn year round, but our days change all the same. It's warm. We're remembering our warm weather patterns: beaches, creeks, playing in the water, fewer family walks and more family lounging on the picnic blanket in the shade, more projects outside, fewer projects inside.</p>
<p>The garden is buzzing with bees. Elian, my 6-year-old, has planted a bedfull of watermelons, and is eagerly tending them in anticipation of the fruit to come. Last week, we jaunted over to a local farm for the first strawberry-picking day of the season—and came home with over 13 lbs of berries! Perfect for a fresh strawberry pie, which the kids helped assemble.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/669/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/669/w400 400w, /images/669/w800 800w, /images/669/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>First strawberry-picking day of the season!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The local school bus still makes stops on our street. My kids point it out, but they have no desire to find out what life is like for the kids the bus scoops up and disgorges. I've explained what those other kids do—all the sitting and waiting and worksheets. My 6-year-old gets a concerned, contemplative look on his face. Not for me, you can see him thinking.</p>
<p>Read about previous years:</p>
<ul>
<li>2022-2023: <a href="/blog/looking-ahead-heres-this-years-preschool-kindergarten-homeschool-plan-fall-2022">Our Plan</a></li>
<li>2021-2022: <a href="/blog/start-of-the-homeschool-school-year-with-three-children-fall-2021">Our plan</a>, and <a href="/blog/reflections-on-our-homeschool-year-2021-2022">how it went</a></li>
</ul>
<h4>Cataloging learning in an always-learning household</h4>
<p>So much of everyday life was full of learning new things. It's hard to quantify, though!</p>
<p>We started the year with a family trip to Glacier National Park: hiking, fire starting, cooking, mountains, lakes, plants, geology, star gazing, and more. Last month, we spent a week at Priest Lake: again, hiking, fire starting, kayaking, collecting rocks, etc.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/670/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/670/w400 400w, /images/670/w800 800w, /images/670/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4272" height="2848"/>
<figcaption>All of us at Avalanche Lake—a four-mile out-and-back hike!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/671/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/671/w400 400w, /images/671/w800 800w, /images/671/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2448" height="3264"/>
<figcaption>Out hiking near Priest Lake.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/672/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/672/w400 400w, /images/672/w800 800w, /images/672/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Meeting the wildlife.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The kids often <a href="/blog/why-watching-my-parents-cook-means-i-cant-share-soup-recipes-how-i-encourage-kids-to-cook-too">help in the kitchen</a>: baking, chopping, adding, stirring, watching. Sometimes the kids decide what dinner will be, and help with all aspects of prepping it.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/673/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/673/w400 400w, /images/673/w800 800w, /images/673/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>2-year-old chopping peppers for pizza.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/674/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/674/w400 400w, /images/674/w800 800w, /images/674/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Mixing dough for biscuits.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>We did several baking projects from picture books. After reading <i>Annie and the Wild Animals</i>, we made corn cakes. We made cookies after reading <i>If You Give a Mouse a Cookie</i>, and muffins after reading <i>If You Give a Moose a Muffin</i>. We also made baguettes after reading <i>Nanette's Baguette</i>.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/675/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/675/w400 400w, /images/675/w800 800w, /images/675/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Painting the egg wash on the baguettes!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/676/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/676/w400 400w, /images/676/w800 800w, /images/676/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>If you give a moose a muffin…</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The kids help in the yard and garden. They collect eggs and help clean out the chicken coop. They helped build our <a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup">new garden beds</a>. Our 6-year-old has his own garden bed this year—full of watermelons! He started them from seed, transplanted them into the garden, and is now in charge of weeding and watering that bed.</p>
<p>As part of our outdoor education, we're learning about plant identification and edible plants (trying to stick tg ones that don't have toxic look-alikes for now). And now, they wander around the yard snacking on dandelions, wood sorrel, and chickweed.</p>
<p>They're also working on projects with Dad—carving sticks into spears, making walking sticks, and, most recently, building a small tank out of scrap wood.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/677/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/677/w400 400w, /images/677/w800 800w, /images/677/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Hugging chickens.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/678/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/678/w400 400w, /images/678/w800 800w, /images/678/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Making a tank from scrap wood.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>All winter, we did arts and crafts, baking and board games. We had markers, crayons, paper and scissors, glue, pencils, watercolors, or finger paints out almost every day. We made beaded necklaces. The kids learned a little bit about my sewing machine and sewed a couple not-so-straight seams. The 6-year-old got a selection of colored duct tape for Christmas, which all three kids use to make stuff out of cardboard: armor, weapons, forts. We also have science kits and a set of snap circuits.</p>
<p>There's so much more learning that's informal, too. Last week, for instance, my husband and I spent an evening explaining the silliest idioms we could think of to our 6-year-old: It's raining cats and dogs. Jumping the gun. Hit the sack. He thought they were <em>hilarious</em>. The conversations we have when out walking or around the dinner table, or when reading. It never stops!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/679/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/679/w400 400w, /images/679/w800 800w, /images/679/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Snap circuits with Dad.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/680/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/680/w400 400w, /images/680/w800 800w, /images/680/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Painting time!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/681/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/681/w400 400w, /images/681/w800 800w, /images/681/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Finished his project on the lap loom!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Sudbury co-op</h4>
<p>We attended a new Sudbury-style, interest-led co-op on a farm this year, 1-2 days per week. <a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">Read about the co-op's philosophy!</a> It's paused for the summer and we look forward to continuing in the fall.</p>
<p>We made new friends, hugged a lot of goats, and enjoyed the beautiful mountains and forests at the farm. Attendance was high in the fall. More people with young kids and more activities planned. Attendance dropped off over the winter, and picked back up a little in the spring, but there weren't quite as many younger kids.</p>
<p>Activities varied; some days, we visited all the animals and played outside. Other days, we participated in scheduled activities. One mom led a series of art classes in the winter - painting, mixing colors, acrylic pours, some fun stuff. Another mom led storytime for younger kids.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/682/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/682/w400 400w, /images/682/w800 800w, /images/682/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Hugging goats.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/683/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/683/w400 400w, /images/683/w800 800w, /images/683/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Baby bunnies!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>We held a series of picnics by the fire pit. I brought hot dogs, red peppers, and pizza dough to roast. Others contributed sausages and s'mores. The kids got to learn about starting and maintaining fires. One family brought their Dutch oven and made brownies and cobbler.</p>
<p>There were classes in European sword fighting, groups that knitted and crocheted together; foraging and hiking; LEGO clubs; a group of teenagers made a movie; and much more.</p>
<p>All in all, a good first year. I'm looking forward to when it starts back up in the fall!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/684/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/684/w400 400w, /images/684/w800 800w, /images/684/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Fun in all seasons!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/685/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/685/w400 400w, /images/685/w800 800w, /images/685/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Hanging out, drawing, playing.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/686/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/686/w400 400w, /images/686/w800 800w, /images/686/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Climbing the apple trees.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Forest school</h4>
<p>Our forest school nature group is one of my favorites. We generally meet once per week at varying nature parks in the area. We have a group of mixed-age kids from babies through 9-year-olds. I appreciate that we've been seeing some of the same families for over three years! </p>
<p>I also appreciate that these families generally share key approaches toward raising and educating children. Unlike many other co-ops and groups, we didn't suddenly add a curriculum when the older kids turned 6. There's just as much free play now as there has ever been!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/687/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/687/w400 400w, /images/687/w800 800w, /images/687/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>By the river in January.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/688/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/688/w400 400w, /images/688/w800 800w, /images/688/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Lots of time in the woods, seeing what we can find.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The kids play in the woods, build forts and shelters, make boats to sail down the creek, go sledding, build snowmen and snow forts, climb rocks, climb trees, play tag, and all the other things kids ought to do in the woods. </p>
<p>Sometimes we have activities and books to read aloud: nature scavenger hunts, making lemonade, making snow candles, Valentine's Day picnics and exchanging nature-themed Valentine's, hiking, finding snails in the rain, identifying flowers and trees, swapping books/curricula, carving sticks, making bird feeders, painting and crafts, field trips to local farms; and so much more!</p>
<p>We meet year round, so we're continuing through the summer. Many of our summer meetups will be by the water!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/689/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/689/w400 400w, /images/689/w800 800w, /images/689/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>We found a ton of ladybugs!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Music</h4>
<p>Last year, we participated in a kids' music class; unfortunately, that class did not continue this year. We did listen to plenty of music, though! I use our car time as music exposure time. I pick up CDs on the cheap from thrift stores or the library. </p>
<p>The kids have especially been enjoying musical stories, like Mozart's <i>The Magic Flute</i>, <i>Peter and the Wolf</i>, and <i>The Nutcracker</i> (which we heard on repeat all of December..!). I'd picked up a series of CDs with musical stories at a curriculum swap (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Peter-Wolf-London-Philharmonic-Orchestra/dp/B000RO8Q3W">here's one</a>); we've been enjoying them. Wish I had more though; I get tired of the same ones on repeat. I guess finding more will be part of my plan for next school year!</p>
<h4>Library subscription boxes</h4>
<p>Two women at Randy's parish run a small, independent library. One of their amazing features is monthly subscription boxes, filled with themed books. We get the preschool level and elementary level boxes each month, and we <em>love</em> them.</p>
<p>Each box has a title book (one of <a href="https://www.twoacrebooks.com/our-favorite-books">these</a>). The rest of the books support the title book's theme. For example, in the <i>Papa Piccolo</i> box—a book about a tomcat who adopts a pair of kittens in Italy—there were books about Italy, Italian cooking, counting in Italian, cats, fatherhood, and so on.</p>
<p>I like these boxes because the books are <em>good</em>. They're often older books. They've been collected and vetted by the women who run the library. </p>
<p>Here's a stark example of what I mean. We recently had a box about the ocean, tidepools, and whales. One book was the story of a young blue whale growing up. Facts about whales were snuck into the narrative. It was a lovely book; quiet and interesting; lovely illustrations that captured the feel of life in the big blue sea. We later got a book about whales from the local public library—and instead of a story, there were factoids, call-out boxes, did you know's, bright colors and a tone that was clearly trying to get your attention. Like current children's TV in a book. Like you wouldn't be interested in reading about whales unless the book was flashy and modern. We didn't enjoy it much in comparison.</p>
<p>I also like the boxes because they introduce a nice range of topics, via books we actually want to read. After that ocean box, my 6-year-old is fascinated by everything oceans. Randy and I are trying to figure out when we can plan a trip to the coast to see some tidepools in person… in the meantime, we're watching ocean and tidepool documentaries with the kids, and reading more books.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/690/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/690/w400 400w, /images/690/w800 800w, /images/690/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Reading with Dad.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Other literacy activities</h4>
<p>Besides the library boxes, we read aloud other chapter books and nonfiction, like <i>Mr. Popper's Penguins</i> and <i>The Bravest Dog Ever: The True Story of Balto</i>. </p>
<p>We made some progress toward reading. (It's okay if it takes a while—<a href="https://happinessishereblog.com/reading-doesnt-need-taught-unschoolers-learn-read/">here are stories</a> of how children learn to read naturally.) It'll happen, so long as we keep reading aloud; playing games that involve letters, letter sounds, and words (like the <i>Feed the Monster</i> app and games with Bananagrams tiles); pointing out letters and words where we see them in the world.</p>
<p>For writing, I sneak practice in. We make our own birthday cards and other cards (<a href="/blog/why-homemade-gifts-are-my-goto">read why homemade gifts are our goto</a>), and my 6-year-old has to write the words on them. We have some activity books with letter tracing, which get pulled out once in a while. I also have the large sheets of paper that are half drawing half lines, so you can write about your pictures. My 6-year-old likes coming up with the silliest sentences he can imagine to write down.</p>
<h4>Math from board games</h4>
<p>We are continuing to learn math and logic through board games! Our 6-year-old loves games. He's leveled up, too—now he's playing <i>Feast for Odin</i>, one of the more complicated Uwe Rosenberg games with us. This one involves placing workers to take actions, collecting resources, lining up tiles on his board, using silver to pay for things, lots of logic, planning, and basic math. We also play plenty of other games—<i>Carcassonne</i>, <i>Wreck Raiders</i>, dominoes, Uno. </p>
<h4>Need ideas for your own homeschooling?</h4>
<p>Read these book reviews and education posts:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="blog/book-review-homeschooling-with-gentleness-catholic-discovers-unschooling-suzie-andres">Book Review: Homeschooling with Gentleness by Suzie Andres</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/how-to-afford-homeschooling-alternative-education-for-kids-on-budget">How to Afford Homeschooling and Other Alternative Education on a Budget</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/how-to-involve-kids-in-modern-work">How to Involve Kids in Modern Work</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/why-watching-my-parents-cook-means-i-cant-share-soup-recipes-how-i-encourage-kids-to-cook-too">Why Watching My Parents Cook Means I Can't Share Soup Recipes—And How I'm Encouraging My Kids to Cook Too</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/how-to-consciously-be-a-role-model-in-creativity-curiosty-crafting-for-children">How to Consciously Be A Role Model in Creativity, Curiosity, and Crafting for Children</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/why-outdoor-time-is-important-for-kids">Why Outdoor Time is Important for Kids</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-little-way-of-homeschooling-13-families-discover-catholic-unschooling-suzie-andres">Book Review: The Little Way of Homeschooling by Suzie Andres</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-teaching-from-rest-a-homeschoolers-guide-to-unshakeable-peace-sarah-mackenzie">Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakeable Peace by Sarah Mackenzie</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
Cataloging learning in an always-learning household is a challenge! Here's what we've been up to this year—such as learning math from board games, joining a new co-op, and of course, plenty of time outside!
2023-06-13T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/book-update-3-revisions-complete-entering-production/
Book Update #3: Revisions Complete, Entering Production!
2023-06-06T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/667/w800"/><p><em>(Read the <a href="/blog/book-deal-announcement-phdone">book announcement</a>, about <a href="/blog/phdone-progress-report-1">the writing process</a>, <a href="/blog/phdone-book-update-2-complete-manuscript">finishing the manuscript</a>, <a href="/blog/book-update-4-chugging-through-copyediting">production and copyediting</a>, and the <a href="/blog/book-update-5-grad-school-life-publication-day-february-27-2024-cover-reveal
">cover reveal, pub date, and page proofs</a>).</em></p>
<p>The most important update: I'm finished with revisions and we're moving into production!</p>
<p>As part of that, I'm delighted to announce that the working title I've used so far is <em>not</em> the final title!
I was positive that my editor and the marketing team at Columbia University Press (CUP) could come up with something
better than I could when writing my book proposal—and I was right.</p>
<p>New working title, to be finalized soon:</p>
<p><i>Grad School Life: Surviving and Thriving Beyond Coursework and Research</i>.</p>
<h4>What was the review and revision process like?</h4>
<p>The review process had three stages. First, as an academic press, CUP requires peer review of all books it
publishes. My editor handled finding reviewers and sending the manuscript out for peer review. We got two peer
reviewers. It took a while, since academics are busy people. My job was to read the reviews, write a letter explaining
how I'd address their concerns, and then actually address their concerns in my manuscript.</p>
<p>Both reviews were <em>incredibly</em> positive. One reviewer's primary concern was that the book is long and
academics are probably too busy to read an entire book. Okay, yeah, true. Maybe if they read my chapters on time
management and productivity first..? I suggested some changes to organization, a more detailed table of contents, etc
to help busy students find the information they're looking for.</p>
<p>The other reviewer just wanted some commentary on the generational shift in how current students and their mentors
approach salary, the demands of graduate education, and work-life balance … namely: some professors think students are
entitled and obnoxious; some students think they're underpaid, overworked, and exploited. It's an interesting (and
divisive) issue and deserves some commentary, so I agreed to add some.</p>
<p>With the peer reviewers and my response letter in hand, my editor then met with the faculty board at CUP to get
approval for moving the manuscript into production. They approved it, but were worried that the book might be more
relevant for STEM students than humanities/social sciences students. Namely: STEM students have more job opportunities
and face less precarity. My editor and I agreed that it'd help to reframe portions of the introduction and add explicit
commentary on the environment of grad school (which was covered in more detail later in the book). </p>
<p>My editor made a few other suggestions to help make the book cross-disciplinary. Life at the MIT Media Lab is
different from life as a humanities Master's student! I found her perspective very useful for improving the book. She
suggested anecdotes to add and aspects of life as a humanities student to discuss that I may not have known about
otherwise.</p>
<p>(Read: <a href="/blog/why-write-a-book-how-do-you-meet-deadlines-and-other-answers">Why write a book? How do you
meet deadlines? And other answers</a>)</p>
<h4>Revisions and alpha readers</h4>
<p>Besides the feedback from CUP, I shared various chapters with colleagues at the <a href="ronininstitute.org/">Ronin
Institute</a>. Several women offered feedback, which I greatly appreciated. I completely restructured the introduction
based on their comments and it is far better for it!</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-to-level-up-at-anything-using-science-to-approach-mastery">How to Level Up at
Anything: Using Science to Approach Mastery</a>)</em></p>
<p>I spent a couple weeks making all the revisions and going back and forth with my editor. Then we decided it was time
for the next step.</p>
<h4>Moving into production</h4>
<p>Production of a book involves a lot of people and a lot of steps. I have a plateful of tasks—e.g., give my opinion
about cover design. CUP asked me to share cover designs I liked, aesthetic preferences, ideas or themes to highlight,
related books. I'm glad to have a team working on this with me! </p>
<p>I have a questionnaire to fill out for CUP about marketing, and another to provide summaries and info for the book
jacket copy. I need to format the manuscript with Word (I write all my drafts in Google Docs for ease of access on my
phone and sharing with others for feedback). I need to finish writing the back material, namely stuff like the
acknowledgements. At some point there's an index to create. </p>
<p>While the manuscript is "done", it's not <em>done</em>. But we're getting there, and it feels like we're making
progress. Publication is inching closer.</p>
<p><em></em>(Read: <a href="/blog/the-incremental-method-to-achieving-long-term-goals-getting-things-done">The Incremental
Method to Achieving Long-term Goals and Getting Things Done</a>)</p>
<h4>While you're waiting for the book…</h4>
<p>Earlier this year, I was on a panel at the Ronin Institute about how to write and publish a book. It was
well-attended, fun, and informative. <a href="/blog/how-do-you-write-and-publish-a-nonfiction-book">Here's my
summary</a>. All of us on the panel also wrote up a general summary of the questions and answers, which <a href="https://ronininstitute.org/so-you-want-to-write-and-publish-a-book/8935/">you can read here</a>. </p>
</div>
I'm inching my book from idea to final product! Here's what the review and revision process was like, and my next steps as the book moves into production.
2023-06-06T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/how-to-start-a-reading-habit/
How to Start a Reading Habit
2023-05-30T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/666/w800"/><p>Do you want to read more books?</p>
<p>Maybe you can't find the time. Maybe there's a stack accumulating on your nightstand, quietly shaming you for
ignoring them. Maybe you feel you <em>ought</em> to read, but, for some reason, you just don't get around to it. </p>
<p>Maybe you're like a woman in my book club. She shows up, sheepishly admitting that no, she didn't finish the book.
She <em>wanted</em> to, of course, it was so interesting, she just… didn't finish it. Why not?</p>
<p>Do you <em>really</em> not have time? That's true for some people. But for most of us, we do have time. What we
don't have is well-managed time. And we haven't made reading a priority.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-reading-books-can-help-you-reclaim-your-attention">How Reading Books Can Help You
Reclaim Your Attention</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Priorities: Deciding to Read</h4>
<p>To find time to read, you first have to decide that reading matters to you. If it doesn't, you won't read. You'll do
something else. </p>
<p>Look at it this way: if you want to do something enough, you'll find a way to do it. That's one of the principles of
human motivation. We want to do things that are fun and give us joy, things we'll succeed at, things that reward us
now. If the fun factor is high, you'll do it even if it's hard. If you <em>value</em> reading enough, you'll find a way
to read.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-to-procrastinate-less-by-increasing-motivation-decreasing-temptations">How to
Procrastinate Less by Increasing Your Motivation and Decreasing Temptations</a>)</em></p>
<p>Maybe you say things like, "I should read more books." But <em>should read</em> doesn't mean you've decided you want
to read. It means you think reading books is something you ought to feel motivated to do, because reading books is good
(for whatever reason), but right now you may not feel particularly motivated. </p>
<p>Interrogate that <em>should</em>. <a href="https://mindingourway.com/not-because-you-should/">Stop doing things
because you "should"</a>. Get curious. Why is reading books good? What's the benefit to you? What about reading books
would be fun or bring you joy? Why would you want to read a book? Why wouldn't you?</p>
<p>Don't read a book because you <em>should</em>. Read because you <em>want</em> to. </p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/how-to-build-self-discipline-why-awareness-intrinsic-motivation-are-key">How to Build
Self-Discipline: Why Awareness and Intrinsic Motivation are Key</a>)</em></p>
<h4>Management: Making time for reading</h4>
<p>You want to read. But there are lots of other things you want to do, too. How do you fit reading in alongside
everything else? Here are some strategies you can use.</p>
<p>First, consider your reading goal. Let's say your goal is to read a 300-page book this month.</p>
<ol>
<li>Break your goal into bite-size pieces. Instead of saying "I will read this 300-page book this month," try saying, "I will read 10 pages of this book every day" or "I will for 10 minutes every morning." Ten pages or ten minutes a day is a bite-size goal.</li>
<li>Make your goal smaller. That way, you can fit it in around your other priorities, so it doesn't get lost entirely. Give yourself two months instead of one. Don't give yourself a deadline, but instead make your bite-size goal smaller: "Read 5 pages every day," or "Read one chapter every Sunday." </li>
</ol>
<p>In the hectic stress of my final years in graduate school, I forgot to read for fun. I used to read a <em>ton</em>.
When I realized I missed reading, I decided I'd start again—20 minutes a day. There <em>had</em> to be 20 minutes
available in my day, in between naptimes and mealtimes and everything else.</p>
<p>Where did I find time?</p>
<p>If you dig around in your day, you won't find unused minutes ready to be scooped up. You use all the minutes in your
day, every day. </p>
<p>You have to look for time that can be reallocated.</p>
<p>Time ripe for reallocation includes:</p>
<ul>
<li>Ten minutes of social media over morning coffee</li>
<li>Twenty minutes of a show or YouTube in the evening</li>
<li>Five minutes of screen time in the waiting room</li>
<li>Twenty minutes keeping half an eye on the kids and half on your phone</li>
<li>A ten-minute break in your workday in the afternoon</li>
</ul>
<p>And so on. I began reading after bedtimes and before wakeups. I left my book at the kitchen table so I could read
during snacktimes, when the kids didn't need my full attention. I carried my book outside with me, and read while the
kids played in the grass. I stopped scrolling social media at night and read ebooks instead. And it turned out that I
had <em>way more</em> than 20 minutes a day available for reading. I read 71 books last year.</p>
<p>Maybe you find some time, but you don't stick to your reading goals. Iterate! If what you're doing isn't working,
try something else.</p>
<p>Try different book formats. Listen to audiobooks during your walk, commute, or drive. Read ebooks on your phone. The
Kindle app works great, and I use the Libby app to get ebooks from my library. Ebooks are especially useful if you want
to read in the dark—like I do when putting my kids to bed.</p>
<p><em>(Read: <a href="/blog/iterative-incremental-method-for-improvement">The Iterative, Incremental Method for
Improvement</a>)</em></p>
<p>Stop reading books if you don't like them. You're not obligated to finish a book you don't enjoy. Sometimes, the
problem isn't that you don't <em>want</em> to read, it's that you don't want to read <em>that book</em>. Try a
different book! Pick a book in a new genre, on a new topic, from a new author. </p>
<p>Don't know what to read? Here are reviews of books you might find interesting:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-get-it-done-surprising-lessons-from-science-motivation-ayelet-fishbach">Get It Done: Surprising Lessons from the Science of Motivation by Ayelet Fishbach</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-braiding-sweetgrass-robin-wall-kimmerer">Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer</a>
</li>
<li><a href="blog/book-review-the-sound-of-a-wild-snail-eating-elisabeth-tova-bailey">The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elisabeth Tova Bailey</a>
</li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-lost-art-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff">Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff
</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/book-review-bird-by-bird-some-instructions-on-writing-life-anne-lamott">Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott</a>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
What if you don't like reading? What if you don't have time to read? What if you want to read, but just can't make yourself do it? Here's how to make reading a hobby—it's simple, and you can start today.
2023-05-30T12:00:00Z
© 2020 Jacqueline
https://deliberateowl.com/blog/backyard-gardening-year-5-expanded-beds-new-seed-starting-setup/
Backyard Gardening, Year 5: Expanded Beds and New Seed Starting Setup
2023-05-23T12:00:00Z
Jacqueline
<div><img src="/images/634/w800"/><p>This is year 5 in the garden! And wow, is it a big year. Expanded yard, new garden beds, new plant varieties, new seed starting setup, bees!</p>
<p>Links to my gardening journey so far:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="/blog/building-raised-garden-beds-in-our-backyard">How we built garden beds</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/gardening-year-one-how-i-planned-planted-harvested-200-square-foot-garden-what-I-learned">Year 1</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/gardening-year-two-what-i-improved-how-i-planned-planted-harvested-200-square-foot-garden">Year 2</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-3-spring-planning-planting-pests">Year 3's plan</a>, <a href="/blog/gardening-year-three-what-i-grew-and-what-i-learned-in-my-200-square-foot-backyard-garden">how it went</a>, and <a href="/blog/seasonality-and-natural-rhythms-why-growing-preserving-your-own-food-matters">why and how we preserved food</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/backyard-gardening-year-4-spring-planning-planting-improvements">My plan for Year 4</a>, and <a href="/blog/how-i-planted-my-suburban-yard-garden-how-it-grow-what-i-learned-gardening-year-4">how it went</a></li>
<li> <a href="/blog/backyard-chickens-why-we-got-them-where-we-set-them-up-whats-next">Why we got chickens</a>, <a href="/blog/backyard-chickens-first-eggs-starting-compost-new-challenges">challenges</a>, and <a href="/blog/one-year-later-are-backyard-chickens-worth-it">one year later: are they worth it?</a></li>
</ul>
<figure>
<img src="/images/635/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/635/w400 400w, /images/635/w800 800w, /images/635/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>One of my zinnias in bloom.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>The new yard</h4>
<p>The biggest change this spring was the addition of the neighboring yard. As I mentioned in my <a href="/blog/how-i-planted-my-suburban-yard-garden-how-it-grow-what-i-learned-gardening-year-4">fall harvest post</a>, we bought the house next door and joined the yards. As for the house itself, it's a split-level. We're renting out the upstairs and using the downstairs as a guest house (e.g., for when Randy's parents visit). Eventually, Randy may move his home office to that house so we can have our third bedroom back in our main house, when the kids get bigger.</p>
<p>The new backyard provided the glowing opportunity to expand the garden. It consisted of a large weed-lawn abutting the back fence (grass, dandelions, clover, violets, miscellaneous other green things that are not grass, which is honestly nicer), beside a mature crabapple tree, with an awful winding path that went nowhere you wanted to go and was covered in rubber mulch (literally ground up old tires—who thought <em>that</em> was a good idea?). There were two "patio" areas made of large stone pavers, but whoever had put them in hadn't done it properly, so they weren't level—really just large tripping hazards.</p>
<p>Fortunately, there <em>were</em> lots of nice flowering plants, too; the front yard also has a lawn edged by bulbs and other shrubs. And lawns have potential: they are ripe to be replaced with more useful stuff. So, that's what we did.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/636/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/636/w400 400w, /images/636/w800 800w, /images/636/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="1145" height="589"/>
<figcaption>An approximate, not-to-scale map of the houses and gardens.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Building new garden beds</h4>
<p>We filled the new back lawn with raised garden beds. Once we started, it took about three weeks to go from lawn to garden (there a rainy weekend where I slacked off in my digging…) We more than doubled our garden space! We went from around 200 square feet of raised beds to over 600 square feet of raised beds. (There's also the long stretch of flower-garden-in-progress along the front fence, and all the other flowers, shrubs, etc—and we increased that space too, adding in the rest of the new yard.)</p>
<p>The long edge of the lawn rectangle runs north-south. It's the perfect spot to put two rows of raised garden beds. It gets about as much sun as the beds <a href="/blog/building-raised-garden-beds-in-our-backyard">we built in our yard when we moved in</a>, minus a little because of various trees. It's relatively sheltered between the neighborhood houses and other trees, though it does get more of a consistent breeze than our yard.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/637/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/637/w400 400w, /images/637/w800 800w, /images/637/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Measuring out where the new garden beds would go.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/638/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/638/w400 400w, /images/638/w800 800w, /images/638/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Look at all that future work!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The first step was moving the grass and leveling the ground. Fortunately, I had the perfect place to put all that sod: elsewhere in the yard! That decorative snake of toxic rubber mulch went in 10 giant garbage bags to the dump. I pulled the landscaping fabric out from under it (and all the giant rusty staples holding the fabric to the ground), then covered the path in grass.</p>
<p>I also piled all the uneven tripping stones in a corner—to be reused later, properly leveled—and moved more sod into those areas. After pulling out more landscaping fabric and a bunch of rocks. One of the tripping patios had been placed on top of a layer of older landscaping rocks, as if someone hadn't wanted to bother removing the previous landscaping, and just … added stuff on top. There was more evidence of this practice later: an entire area in the corner where someone had planted grass <em>on top</em> of some previous nice rocky area, complete with plastic edging.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/639/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/639/w400 400w, /images/639/w800 800w, /images/639/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Digging, digging.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/640/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/640/w400 400w, /images/640/w800 800w, /images/640/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>That was a <em>lot</em> of sod.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>After getting the grass out, we had to level the ground. It was sloped. Not too sloped, but enough that we had to dig a foot or two down at the top. So, lots more quality time with a shovel. I intend to line the upper edge of the slope with pavers or some other stones, to keep the dirt from falling down and make a nice edge. This will undoubtedly entail moving more grass and dirt, though, to make a reasonable-width pathway around the edge of the beds.</p>
<p>Then it was building time! Randy had 28 12-foot-long 2x12s delivered. The beds were 12'x4'x1'. We used three boards per bed: one for each long edge, one split in threes for the edges and an across in the middle.</p>
<p>Construction was pretty swift once we got started—we went from dirt to nine beds in a day. It felt much faster than constructing the first pair of garden beds, and it probably was, because <a href="/blog/building-raised-garden-beds-in-our-backyard">the first time</a>, the beds were longer (14' long—not a standard size); Randy double-stacked 2x6s instead of using 2x12s; and there were more boards going across, too.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/641/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/641/w400 400w, /images/641/w800 800w, /images/641/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Lining up boards for the first bed.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/642/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/642/w400 400w, /images/642/w800 800w, /images/642/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>The kids helped!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/643/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/643/w400 400w, /images/643/w800 800w, /images/643/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Theo was in charge of handing Daddy screws.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/644/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/644/w400 400w, /images/644/w800 800w, /images/644/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>There was extra ground-leveling to do once we got the beds on the dirt.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/645/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/645/w400 400w, /images/645/w800 800w, /images/645/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>We built them all by sundown!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Aren't they beautiful?</p>
<p>The next step was dirt. We had 12 cubic yards of a 50-50 topsoil-compost mix delivered via dump truck onto the driveway. Then it was back to manual labor… more of that quality time with shovels. And a wagon. We borrowed a friend's 13-year-old son for the afternoon, who was happy to work hard and brought an extra wheelbarrow.</p>
<p>The dirt was delivered around 11:30am. By 6:30pm, all the beds were full.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/646/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/646/w400 400w, /images/646/w800 800w, /images/646/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>It was a <em>mountain</em> of soil.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/647/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/647/w400 400w, /images/647/w800 800w, /images/647/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Ready for planting!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Randy also spent half the soil day adding the tomato trellises to the row of beds in the back. We opted for approximately the same design as in our existing beds: First, we pounded rebar stakes at either end of the bed, plus two in the middle. Then, we placed 8' electric conduit pipes on the rebar as uprights, and anchored them in place with pipe straps. More conduit went across the top: a 10' section (since that's as long as the conduit comes) connected to a 2' span, attached with elbows and a T.</p>
<p>I will support the tomatoes with twine like I've been doing in the main yard—tie on the top bar, tie loosely around the base of the plant, wind the plant around the twine as it grows. I've had good luck with this. My twine has never broken, not even in a windstorm, but my yard is fairly protected. The new yard has slightly less protection, since the back fence is 4' wood instead of an evergreen tree hedge.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/648/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/648/w400 400w, /images/648/w800 800w, /images/648/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Tomatoes, strung up.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The additional garden space and trellising means I can, finally, rotate my crops! Previously, only the two beds in the backyard worked for tomatoes (since that's where the trellising was), and I always want to grow a lot of tomatoes, so it wasn't an option to swap <em>between</em> those two beds—twelve tomatoes plants wouldn't be enough. Even the 24 or so that I had wasn't enough… which is why this year, I have more.</p>
<h4>Watering systems</h4>
<p>One remaining step for the new beds is figuring out watering. I'd like a drip watering system. Right now, the main yard has in ground sprinklers (there when we moved in), which mostly works, until late summer when the plants start blocking water to the plants behind them because they're so big. And it doesn't work for a couple of the smaller beds, which are out of sprinkler range. The new yard has no watering system set up at all, and desperately needs one, because no way am I spending an hour a day holding a hose in the heat of summer.</p>
<p>Thus, drip watering. This year may be a temporary solution of drip watering tape; eventually, we may put in something more sturdy, with PVC, and a trench from the spigot out to the beds, to avoid unsightly hoses and pipes and tapes running across the yard.</p>
<p>Both yards need it. One of my gardening goals last year was to do a better job mulching and watering, but besides adding some leaves and grass clippings as mulch, I didn't change that much. This is the year!</p>
<h4>Seed starting set up</h4>
<p>In anticipation of the additional garden space, I set up a better seed starting area. I bought a set of large metal shelves—six feet high, five feet long, five shelves (<a href="https://www.webstaurantstore.com/regency-24-x-60-x-70-nsf-chrome-mobile-wire-shelving-starter-kit-with-5-shelves/460C2460KM65.html">these</a>). I spaced the shelves so the top were closer together, for the seed trays; the lower shelves I gave to the transplanted taller plants. We hung grow lights on the bottom of each shelf.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/649/w800" alt="metal shelves filled with seed trays and containers of baby plants" srcset="/images/649/w400 400w, /images/649/w800 800w, /images/649/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Seeds, sprouting.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/650/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/650/w400 400w, /images/650/w800 800w, /images/650/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>At capacity!</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The grow lights appear to have made a <em>big</em> difference. The shelves are by a full size south-facing window, which is where I had started seeds in previous years—and the plants did okay! But this year, my tomatoes are definitely taller and healthier. They outgrew their shelves. A handful even had flowers when I transplanted them—and a couple baby tomatoes! Same with the peppers. I started seeds about the same time as last year.</p>
<p>The only change I'd make is an easier way to get all the plants outside at hardening-off time. This year, I carried trays of plants out; I would like to be able to roll the whole shelf out (it has wheels). I'm not sure I have a location on the house that would work for that, though. Maybe a heated greenhouse is in my future…</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/651/w800" alt="a bunch of seed trays and plants in small containers in trays on a brick patio in the sun" srcset="/images/651/w400 400w, /images/651/w800 800w, /images/651/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Hardening off..</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/652/w800" alt="closeup of a baby green tomato growing on a tomato plant" srcset="/images/652/w400 400w, /images/652/w800 800w, /images/652/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Baby tomatoes already!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>What I'm planting</h4>
<p>This year, I bought heirloom seeds from Baker Creek, to add some new plants to the rotation. The big things are new varieties of melons and squash, carrots, and more flowers. I tried carrots before, but they were small. With this year's sunnier location, they may do better.</p>
<p>My starts and seeds include:</p>
<ul>
<li>Tomatoes: Black Krim, Costoluto Genovese, yellow heirloom, cherry, Roma, yellow candy, black strawberry, spoon</li>
<li>Herbs: basil, purple basil, rosemary, tarragon, marjoram, thyme</li>
<li>Flowers: alyssum, marigold, pansy, aster, zinnia, milkweed, zinnia, echinecea, nasturtium, snapdragon, bluebell, lavender, calendula, safflower</li>
<li>Vegetables: Kale, purple kale, baby bok choy, asparagus, ground cherry, bloody dock, cucumber, bell pepper, sugar snap peas, purple garden beans, carrots, little orange carrots, purple dragon carrots, white corn</li>
<li>Melons and squash: watermelon, kajari melon, pumpkin, desi squash</li>
</ul>
<p>Perennials already growing include:</p>
<ul><li>Rhubarb, thyme, chives, oregano, peppermint, lemon mint, lemon balm, sage, lavender, raspberries, blueberries, plums</li></ul>
<p>Annuals that have helpfully reseeded themselves include:</p>
<ul><li>Kale, dill, chamomile, cilantro, parsley</li></ul>
<figure>
<img src="/images/653/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/653/w400 400w, /images/653/w800 800w, /images/653/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>The lemon mint.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>I'm especially excited about the new tomatoes. I started over 60 tomato plants… A couple didn't germinate; a couple seem to have wilted and not survived transplanting into the garden; I currently have 62. A couple even have baby tomatoes on them already!</p>
<p>This more than doubles the number of tomato plants. We're going to snack on tomatoes all summer, make tomato soup and tomato sauce and tomato jam, try making salsa… it's going to be great. Tomatoes are one of the reasons I garden (<a href="/blog/gardening-year-one-how-i-planned-planted-harvested-200-square-foot-garden-what-I-learned">read the story</a>). Tomatoes from the store just don't taste the same. I think tomatoes have one of the biggest differences between store-bought and garden-fresh. Or maybe I just like tomatoes a lot.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/654/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/654/w400 400w, /images/654/w800 800w, /images/654/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>The kids planting peas and beans for me.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/655/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/655/w400 400w, /images/655/w800 800w, /images/655/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Volunteer kale, flowering and going to seed.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>A closer look at the edible perennials</h4>
<p>One thing I'm trying to learn is how to prune plants well. I pruned the blueberry bushes this year—I think I did a decent job, I only read two books about pruning first. One of the four bushes we added last year—the one that didn't transplant well, and already looked half-dead last year—didn't survive the winter. Since it's on the end of the row, I'm considering replacing it with a dwarf fruit tree.</p>
<p>The hostas I planted in the fall are coming back strong. I'm looking forward to trying them! Unfortunately, the chickens can reach one of them through the fence… but only half of it, it's <em>just</em> at the edge of their reach, so most of it is still leafy.</p>
<p>The new yard has more raspberries! I also found raspberries popping up in my raised garden bed, beside the raspberry patch, so I moved them all over by the fence to join their brethren.</p>
<p>We will be adding grapes along the back fence of the new yard. The fence there is 4' wood, and old enough that it'll need repair or replacement in the next decade. Our plan is to build a grape trellis two feet out from the fence and train the grapes along it. If we don't get it in soon (though the plan is to get it in soon), we'll add it in the fall. I'm not sure which grape varieties we will get yet—some kind of table grapes. I'll check local nurseries for varieties that grow well in our climate.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/656/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/656/w400 400w, /images/656/w800 800w, /images/656/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Blueberry flowers!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Trees</h4>
<p>We have a couple fruit trees: our green gage plum, two plums in the new yard, several crabapple trees (good for jelly). I'd like to add a couple dwarf apple or pear trees. I have a couple spots marked as potential locations: the new front yard, the corner by the new garden beds, the spot where a lilac died, in the main front yard where one blueberry bush didn't survive.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/657/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/657/w400 400w, /images/657/w800 800w, /images/657/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Plum blossoms.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Flowers</h4>
<p>My earliest flowers were the bulbs. The 250+ bulbs I planted along the fence last year are beautiful and so, so nice to have! We anticipated them all winter; as soon as the snow melted, we kept a watch for the first shoots to poke up above the soil. The crocuses came up first. Then the baby daffodils, followed by the big daffodils, grape hyacinths, and finally, the tulips! I have a mix of early and late blooming tulips, so the fence line has increased in color over the weeks. So lovely! I am so happy I dug that long trench in the dirt last year. It was a lot of work, but it was worth it.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/658/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/658/w400 400w, /images/658/w800 800w, /images/658/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Daffodil!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/659/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/659/w400 400w, /images/659/w800 800w, /images/659/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>The row of tulips.</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/660/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/660/w400 400w, /images/660/w800 800w, /images/660/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Tulips and grape hyacinths!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/661/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/661/w400 400w, /images/661/w800 800w, /images/661/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Orange ruffle tulip.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The other flowers for my front flower garden, in rows just behind the bulbs, are waking up and leafing out. A few are putting out early flowers, and the rest will get into full swing about the time the bulbs finish their show. I know I need to add more, however; I didn't fill in all the spaces last year with my 50-clearance-plants spree.</p>
<p>In the rest of the yard: Some of our lilacs in back died, choked out by the Virginia Creeper the neighbors allowed on the shared fence. When we bought the house, we dug out every inch of that snarly, viny thing. And good riddance! I'm waiting to see whether some of those lilacs return—they can supposedly grow back from just a stump. If they don't, we may add a dwarf apple tree in their place. One of the others died in a reasonable spot, where we cut open the fence, so it's no great loss.</p>
<p>I have half a dozen baby lavender plants, which by the end of summer ought to be big enough to put in the ground. I will probably add one or two to my front flower garden and put the others along our street side fence for the bees to enjoy.</p>
<p>We discovered violets on the neighboring house lawn! The kids and I collected some, and some dandelions, to make flower shortbread cookies. Very cute.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/662/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/662/w400 400w, /images/662/w800 800w, /images/662/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>Decorating the shortbread cookies with flower petals!</figcaption>
</figure>
<figure>
<img src="/images/663/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/663/w400 400w, /images/663/w800 800w, /images/663/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="3024" height="4032"/>
<figcaption>After baking.</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Bees?</h4>
<p>Another new addition this year is bees! Randy got 4 hives. We happened to meet a family at our co-op (<a href="/blog/a-new-interest-led-learning-initiative-north-idaho-sudbury-co-op">read about it!</a>) who keep bees, and teach beekeeping classes, and sell hives with the bees already installed, so you don't have to figure that part out all on your own.</p>
<p>We put them on the side of our house. We're on a corner lot. The side along the street isn't particularly useful: it's covered in landscaping rocks and shaded by a large purple plum tree. There's a shed. It's not a super wide area. Perfect for the bees! We placed the hive facing the fence so they are encouraged to fly out, up, over, and away.</p>
<p>Beekeeping will be Randy's job more than mine, at least this year. I have enough going on with the garden. You can only add so many homesteading projects a year! And, come fall—or whenever the honey harvest is, late summer?—we will have a host of <em>more</em> new projects as we learn what to do with all the honey, wax, and other bee-made products.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/664/w800" alt="four white boxy langstroth beehives in row, each sitting atop cinderblocks in a rocky area along the side of a house" srcset="/images/664/w400 400w, /images/664/w800 800w, /images/664/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="4032" height="3024"/>
<figcaption>Four hives, newly installed!</figcaption>
</figure>
<h4>Record keeping</h4>
<p>This year, given all that's going on, I think I may try to keep better track of what I'm growing where in the garden. So far, I've mostly been winging it… I have a spreadsheet with some notes, but now that I can rotate crops and there are more crops, I need to track what's where and how it did. There's too much to remember otherwise! I may switch to a notebook with a rough map of the yard that I can write on.</p>
<p>I'd also like to get a sense of how much produce we harvest. To start, we had our first rhubarb harvest a week ago. I weighed all the stalks: 15 lbs!</p>
<figure>
<img src="/images/665/w800" alt="" srcset="/images/665/w400 400w, /images/665/w800 800w, /images/665/w1600 1600w" sizes="(min-width:800px) 800px, 100vw" width="2656" height="1890"/>
<figcaption>A big pile o' rhubarb in the wagon.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>All in all—it's going to be a good gardening year!</p>
</div>
This year, I've more than doubled my garden space! I added new plant varieties—and now, we have bees! See how my 250+ bulbs did and learn how I'm keeping track of everything in the yard.
2023-05-23T12:00:00Z
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