The Deliberate Owl

Yes, you can have a baby in graduate school. But it's probably going to be hard.

Why it matters: Grad students are on average 33 years old. They're often in their prime family-forming years. Many are thinking about marrying and starting families—and some delay these valuable life steps because they're afraid they won't be able to manage everything.

Why is it hard to have a baby in grad school?

It's hard for several reasons. First, the academic system isn't set up to support women with young children. It wasn't designed to. The system is changing, slowly. In many places, however, it's not changing fast enough. (Read more about how we can fix the system.)

Second, it can be tough to have babies no matter what your situation in life. Babies are demanding physically, emotionally, and financially. They are also amazingly worth it—but it helps to be prepared.

Graduate school is also a highly demanding time in your life. Grad students are typically overworked and overstressed, so adding a baby into the mix can be difficult. Again, however, it can also be incredibly rewarding. Many women—and student parents in general—have reported that they work harder, more efficiently, and with greater purpose when they have children.

What kind of support can you get for a baby in graduate school?

The most critical components to success are a supportive advisor and supportive department. Without these, you will probably have a difficult time. It's not impossible, but you will be fighting for yourself and your time more than in other cases.

What kind of support can you expect? Flexibility is a big one: flexibility with regards to time-to-degree, your general schedule, meetings, classes, etc , so that you can accommodate your infant caretaking. Babies are notoriously on their own schedule. Financial support: do you get paid time off? What kind of health insurance do you get from your program or school, if any? Social support: is there, for example, a new mother's meetup group on campus? Is there an on-site nursery or daycare?

Some schools will have good parental leave policies that enable you to take time off when you have a baby. Some policies will not be so good. Find out what the policies are at your school. When I was at MIT, for instance, I was given 2 months off by the school, and an additional month by my department, which is considered very good on the scale of parental leave policies.

(Read my story about how I managed my first baby as a 4th year PhD student!)

How to manage time and energy with a baby in grad school

Besides support, you also have to manage your own time and energy. Many people will warn you that you will feel fatigue during pregnancy or that you won't sleep much with an infant, making it hard to get everything else you need to do done. That can be true, but not necessarily. It depends on how you prioritize your time as well as on the temperament of your child. I found, for instance, that having a baby helped me let go of habits and activities that didn't serve me (such as scrolling on social media) in favor of focused effort on what mattered—time with my child and finishing my dissertation.

Read more about productivity and balance as an academic parent:

• Productivity and Balance as a Parent: Challenges, Ideals, and Strategies
• How Women Scholars Manage Stress, Goals, and Self-Care, and How You Can, Too
• Deep Work for Parents: A 2-Step Strategy for More Effective, Efficient Work
• How I Manage Deadlines: 5 Ways to Keep Projects On Track

Like this post? You'll find even more detailed advice about managing grad school and life in my new book, Grad School Life: Surviving and Thriving Beyond Coursework and Research. Order it today!